~🌺Chapter six🌺~
The research lab is smaller than I expected, hidden on the third floor of the humanities building more like a seminar room than a traditional lab, with a long table, whiteboards covering two walls, shelves crammed with books and papers. A large window overlooks the quad, letting in afternoon light that makes everything feel less institutional.
Professor Harrington is already there when I arrive, reviewing documents spread across the table
"Amara !Right on time, Come in,this is where we'll be working." The lab isn't flashy but functional and the project focuses on ethical frameworks in institutional decision-making. We're examining case studies from universities, corporations, and non-profits ,looking at how leadership handles conflicts between principle and practicality.
He hands me a folder.
"Your role will be research support,Compiling sources, analyzing data and helping draft summaries , I'll guide you on what to do but I value independent thought ,so If you see something worth noting, I'll be glad you speak up."
"Understood!"
He studies me and his observation "You're quieter than most students I work with."
"I prefer to listen first."
That's good,observation can never be undervalued" , tapping the folder,he said start with these, Familiarise yourself with the cases . We'll meet twice weekly. Questions?"
"Not yet."
"With time you'll definitely have questions"
After the first few weeks, I just try not to screw up and I show up on time, read what he assigns, take notes. Professor Harrington pushes hard,he'll ask what I think and actually wait for an answer, which is unnerving but he doesn't make me feel stupid when I'm working through something.
The cases are messy. A university president makes a call that looks fine on paper, but digging into it , discovers there's a moment where he chose convenience over principle, a non-profit CEO takes the easy route while the corporate board holds the line when it would've been simpler to fold.
Some people care about appearances and what actually happens.So one afternoon, I'm reading about a college handling a sexual assault scandal where the president had everyone on her donors, board, students, media ,all demanding immediate action.
She didn't give it to them but met with survivors first and brought it in legally,talked to student affairs and reviewed past cases.
Then she acted.
I bring it up with Professor Harrington."The ones who handle things well don't rush,they literally make space first."
He nods. What strategic patience most people think decisive means being fast but real decisiveness is knowing when to move and when to wait.
It's so obvious that nobody wants to wait and that's why it takes discipline."
The party keeps coming back to me,how I walked out without saying a word to anyone, literally spent weeks avoiding people, eating alone, going to class and coming straight back to my room.
I just left,didn't plan it and didn't think about it either, so everything after was slower and more deliberate.
I don't know what that means but during mid-October, I started seeing the same girl everywhere in school;library ,Lab building and the café near the science quad but she's probably an older junior or senior , she's never really doing anything when I see her,just there, always putting on good clothes,walk Confidently probably the kind of person who gets looked at and when I glance up, sometimes she's already watching.
"What's going on with you?" Maya asks one night.
She's sprawled on her bed scrolling through TikTok.
What do you mean?
You've been spacey.
"No I haven't."
"Yes you have." She doesn't look up. "Is it the research thing?"
"Maybe. There's a lot of reading."
"Harrington still being intense?"
"Always."
She's quiet for a minute, then glances over. "You seem better, though less miserable than you were."
My throat gets tight.
"I wasn't miserable."
"Amara. Come on."
I don't say anything.
"I'm just saying, you seem more like a person now. That's good."
After the lights are out and Maya's breathing goes slow and even, I stare at the dark ceiling .
What does that even mean?
I don't feel different or maybe I do. I can't tell anymore.
The next week, Professor Harrington introduces me to a graduate student named Rowan Blackwell.
She's polished; Blazer that probably cost more than my entire wardrobe, hair that looks professionally done, smile that doesn't move past her mouth.
"I've heard good things about your work," she says when we shake hands.
"Thanks."
"I'm looking forward to collaborating."
Everything about the interaction feels planned.
After she leaves, Professor Harrington looks over.
"Rowan is very capable," "And ambitious."
He says nothing else, but the meaning is clear.
Later, back in my room, I shove books aside to make space for my laptop.
Articles everywhere. Coffee rings on half of them. My handwriting getting worse in the margins.
Maya's at some hall thing.
I open my notebook. Stare at the blank page.
Was I always like this? Or is this new?
Two months ago, Literally was trying so hard to be what Jade and Marcus wanted .
I don't know. My head hurts.
I close the notebook and push it away.
Someone's laughing outside. Bass thumping from down the hall.
I'm still here.
Still trying to figure out what that