The "Operation: Smile" Glitch: [Keifer's POV]
I stood at the entrance of the sunroom, nursing a double espresso and feeling like a veteran who had seen too much "Emotional Combat." It was only 10:30 AM, and Jay was currently in a "Level 5 High-Pressure Zone."
She was sitting in her favorite armchair, her arms crossed over the "Double-Heir" bump, looking at a bowl of fruit as if it had personally insulted her ancestors. The "Glow" was currently a "Dark Storm Cloud."
"Data suggests the perimeter is unstable," I muttered to myself.
Suddenly, the "Chaos Squad"—Bridget, Keiran, and Keigan—pushed past me. They had formed an unsanctioned task force with one mission: make the Empress laugh. I wanted to warn them that Jay's current "Angry Protocol" was 1,000% lethal, but I decided to stay back and observe the system crash.
The First Wave: Keigan's "Logic" Humor
Keigan stepped forward first, holding his tablet. "Jay, look. I've programmed a joke into the Watson AI. Listen: Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus! Get it? It's funny because of the 'Biological/Digital' overlap."
Jay didn't even blink. She slowly turned her head and looked at Keigan with eyes that could have frozen a volcano. "Keigan. If you say one more 'Logic' joke, I am going to 'Delete' your access to the mansion's Wi-Fi for a month."
Keigan turned pale, his "System" immediately retreating. "Retracting the humor. Retreating to Sector 4."
The Second Wave: Keiran's "Slapstick" Disaster
Keiran, never one to learn from Keigan's failures, jumped into the center of the room. He was wearing a pair of giant, fuzzy neon-pink slippers he'd stolen from the guest wing.
"Alright, Sis! Check this out!" He started doing a ridiculous, stumbling "Penguin Dance," flapping his arms and making honking noises. "I'm a Watson Penguin! I'm 1,000% aerodynamic! Look at the feet, Jay! Look at the feet!"
He slipped on the polished marble, his legs flying out like a cartoon character, and landed flat on his back with a loud THUD.
I winced. Jay didn't laugh. She didn't even crack a smile.
"Keiran," she said, her voice dropping into a dangerously low frequency. "You are currently 200% louder than the legal limit. If you don't stop 'Honking,' I'm going to have Keifer sell your Ferrari and replace it with a bicycle."
Keiran scrambled to his feet, looking at me with pure terror. I just shook my head. Mission Failed.
The Third Wave: Bridget's "Tactical" Approach
Bridget stepped up, looking at the boys with pure disdain. "Amateurs. You don't use logic or slapstick on a pregnant Empress. You use 'Relatability'."
She sat on the coffee table in front of Jay, holding a mirror. She pointed at her own face and made a ridiculous, distorted "Ugly Face" that looked like a gargoyle eating a lemon.
"Look, Jay! This is my 'Keifer-is-being-a-dork' face! And this—" she puffed out her cheeks and crossed her eyes "—is my 'Keigan-trying-to-be-smart' face! It's 1,000% accurate, right?"
Jay stared at Bridget for a long, agonizing minute. I held my breath. Was the "System" going to reboot into "Happy Mode"?
"Bridget," Jay whispered.
"Yeah, honey?" Bridget smiled, thinking she'd won.
"Your face is currently 'Glitching' my vision. Please take your gargoyle impression to the shooting range before I start crying because you look so scary."
Bridget's smile vanished. She looked at me, mouthed the word "HELP," and backed away slowly.
The CEO's Intervention
I realized that the "Chaos Squad" had only made the "Anger File" larger. I set my espresso down and walked into the room, my "Alpha" presence clearing the air. The three of them scrambled to the corners of the room like startled pixels.
I knelt in front of Jay's chair. I didn't tell a joke. I didn't dance. I didn't make a face. I simply took her hand, kissed her knuckles, and leaned my forehead against her stomach.
"Status check, my Empress," I murmured. "The boys are idiots, and Bridget is a menace. Do you want me to kick them all out so we can eat the secret stash of chocolate-covered potato chips I hid in the nightstand?"
The silence stretched. Then, a tiny, beautiful sound broke through the tension.
Jay let out a snort. Then a giggle. Then a full, 1,000% radiant laugh.
"Chocolate... potato chips?" she gasped, her anger vanishing like a deleted file. "You hid them from the squad?"
"1,000%," I smirked, looking back at the shocked faces of Keiran, Keigan, and Bridget. "Only for the 'Primary Users'."