Chapter 0 – If it had worked, it might be different
A hand reaches over and grips the railing.
Lights flash by behind his shoulder.
He taps something into his phone, reaches down and sets it beside a grey backpack with the zip half open.
The screen displays his note, addressed to anyone who might find it.
He looks out over the forest far below.
The metal of the railing squeaks as it takes his weight, and the lights behind him slow to a halt.
One leg now over the railing, suddenly there's a shout. The man is startled.
A hand grips his shoulder. He tries to shrug it off, but an arm wraps around his waist.
More lights arrive of varying colours, and he is wrestled back over the railing. Chaos has erupted, the world is blurred and spins around.
Shock, and a sudden pain in the chest. The man grips his shirt as his breath is robbed.
Despite the interference, he is still somehow successful. Either a guardian angel has saved him, or the devil has ensured his defeat.
The pain soon subsides, the darkness descends, space goes numb and the spinning stops.
Chapter 1 - Small Hands
Behind my closed eyes I could see the sunlight. It felt so strange, waking up for the first time without having gone to sleep, but I remember the feeling so well. I blink open my eyes to see the aching light cast across the white ceiling. I was in bed, and I suppose it must be my bed, but I don't recognise it.
I reach my hand up to the ceiling, it's so small. My skin is light and pink, but I remember my hand was much bigger, and darker.
And these clothes, they're so light. They're tied at the wrist loosely with a ribbon.
I sit up and look around. The room began to spin, my vision blurring. I could feel my heart pulse in my ears as my chest tighten. I grabbed the duvet and tried to steady myself. I remember this feeling; I've felt it before.
I take a deep breath in through my nose, as my shaking arms threaten to give way. I can feel my whole body shiver as if I was freezing, but I can feel the sweat trickle down my back. Yes, a very familiar feeling, but luckily I have my wits about me enough to recognise it.
I exhale, and my vision starts to return. The last time I felt that dreadful dizziness I was also in a new, strange place.
The room I'm in is regal, with off-white walls and a red carpet beneath my bed. The duvet iss so soft and warm, and so much bigger than my small body. It covers the four posts of the bed and falls almost to the floor; was it made so big just to make me look smaller?
I knew me, but so vaguely. I knew my name, but it feels now more like a name I heard in a dream. A woman in a black dress with white lace opens my curtains and wishes me good morning. Her smile is so gentle; clearly she's been up for a while. She gestured to me with her hand out-stretched. I blink, and she speaks again.
I look into her eyes, and she looks back at me so patiently.
"Oh, sorry." I say, and scoot my way over to her.
The duvet's so warm, I really don't want to get out…
"Young Master" She spoke "Come on and get out of bed, it's time for breakfast and your father is waiting for you."
"Today is special, Young Master Losander. You don't get to eat with him often."
I'm Losander, that's a cute name for someone so small.
"I'm Losander," I spoke, "Umm, how old am I?"
"You're 2," She says, looking amused. That would explain why I'm so small. Luckily I don't think it's the first time she's been asked that, so I push further.
"What's your name?" I ask.
Jaqueline looks at me and rolls her eyes. "I'm Jaqueline, you know that. I know you're nervous to see your father, but let's not be silly Young Master."
I get dressed into day clothes with the help of Jaqueline. I don't think I should ask her more questions yet, but she looks amused. She seems kind, and I think she knows me well. I hold her hand as we walk down the long corridor, passing regal paintings of important looking men and women. The carpet looks plush, but I can't feel it through the soles of my shoes. What a shame I have to walk around with shoes on, won't it ruin the fabric? It must be a lot of work to clean these halls if people are walking around with shoes on.
"Do I always have to wear shoes inside?" I ask Jaqueline.
She smiles "Yes, Young Master. As Sebastion says, you're not fully dressed unless you're wearing shoes."
Sebastion? Another name I'll need to remember.
We eventually make it to the banquet hall, and I take my seat at the table. It is set with various foods; breads and pastries, cooked meats, eggs prepared in various ways, jugs of water, juice and tea. I take my seat with the help of Jaqueline and see that, aside from Father, I am the last to arrive. A boy sits across from me, one seat closer to the head of the table, and a girl sits 2 seats away from me to my right, next to the head of the table. They are both older than me by a few years, but they're both still clearly children.
I sit and wait; I realise it's probably better to do that than begin eating unprompted. I may not know anything here, but I remember enough from my former life to remember my manners.
Soon, the door at the head of the table opens, and through it steps a tall man in silver half plate armour. His hazelnut brown hair is brushed back off his face, and his beard is trimmed and oiled into a stiff, regimented form.
He's clearly been busy this morning, but sits down calmly in his tall, broad throne at the head of the table and looks at us each individually.
He gestures forward and, in a flat, controlled voice, he welcomes us to begin eating. I look at my siblings to see if they begin filling their plates, and see that they take one or 2 things at a time and eat them.
I do the same, I lean forward for a fruit-filled muffin, but realise my arms are too small to reach. I lean back again.
"Jaqueline" I ask, "Could you please pass me a muffin?"
Jaqueline isn't looking at me; she is watching my father. I look over and watch him too when she answers me "Of course Young Master, here." She reaches forward for the utensils and places a muffin on my plate.
My Father watches me. Beneath his furrowed brow, he looks displeased.
I look at the muffin on my plate; it looks rich and smells so warm. "Thank you", I say, but I have this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. It robs me of my appetite.
My father speaks in the same, cool tone. Nothing in his voice is different.
He addresses my sister to my right first. "Sage, what are your plans for the day?" I can see she's smiling whilst eating a buttery sweet roll with strawberries and clotted cream.
"I will be continuing my swordplay and diplomatic studies. I am having a short respite from my arcana classes to learn more about our neighbours." I couldn't help but be shocked, my sister spoke with the eloquence of an experienced noble, but she didn't seem older than 9 or 10.
Then, my father turned to my brother, the second eldest.
He responded to his father's gaze, "I will also be focussing on swordplay, but I'd like to learn more of the hunt and handling animals."
He also spoke with a tone far exceeding his years. Both of them were so measured, but my brother seemed so serious as he tactfully ate his breakfast of bread, chicken and vegetables. He is a lot like Father, and wears the same expression.
He looks over to me, and I look back at him.
"I think I have a lot to learn," I respond, whilst averting my gaze, "So it's difficult to choose a single place to start. I would like to learn more about this country and where we live though."
None of that was a lie, clearly I do have a lot to learn having just woke up for the first time this morning in this new life.
He nods, slowly, as he looks over the banquette on the table, inspecting it. He doesn't smile, but somehow I sense he feels pleased. I think that was a good answer.
Father takes a bread roll from one of the platters in his enormous, firm hands and sets it onto his plate. He takes the knife from beside him and in a single slice he opens the roll, unfolding it against the white, porcelain surface before him. He takes the knife in hand and, calmly, spreads the butter over the soft interior of the roll. The oil shines in the light of the morning streaming in through the window, as he does the same with a dark jam.
Whilst his movements seem so measured and firm, he seems kind and calm. He sets his knife down and offers the plate to a server nearby. The server passes the plate along and sets it before me.
"Black current is my favourite jam. Try it Losander, I think you'll like it." He doesn't smile with his mouth, but with his eyes.
I pick up the slice of bread and take a measured bite. It's good, it's so good and so nostalgic. I think this was my favourite jam too. The richness of the bread, the sweetness of the butter and the tang of the jam are so delicious, but I might just be saying that because I'm 2…
"Have Sebastion visit Losander this afternoon, I'm sure he'll be of help in my son's studies." There's that name again. My Father gestures for the server to depart and begins to serve himself chicken and vegetables, much the same as my brother.
I eat slowly, as to not get the jam on my clean, white shirt. Occasionally, I see my father glance at me with that concealed smile. It probably looks quite funny, the way I navigate my small face around the rather large bread roll. I take my time eating it, and by the time I'm finished, he has already finished his whole plate. I begin peeling the top of the muffin to eat, when I realise both my brother and sister have finished as well. I put the muffin down and look to my father.
He stands up from his seat with his eyes closed. The subtle smile from beneath his facial hair is gone now.
He looks to the end of the room, turns on his heel, and leaves.
The door behind him closes softly and, ever so faintly I hear Jaqueline relax. A quiet breath escapes my brother's lips too. It's good to know I'm not the only one who felt the tension. My sister appears unchanged, unless she's still holding the tension?
I look up to Jaqueline, as I steal a bit of the fruit muffin into my mouth. She looks down at me and smiles. My brother is the first to get up out of his seat. "See you this afternoon for practice?" he asks my sister. "See you then" She confirms. He turns on his heel and leaves quietly through a door at the foot of the table. My sister didn't even look up; she happily continues picking at a small pile of fruit. I should really learn both their names.
I look back to my muffin, it might be less stressful to eat this somewhere else?
I pop a bit more of the muffin into my mouth, it's sweet and quite savoury. Maybe it's not all that stressful, maybe I'm just 2…
I eat slowly and watch my sister. When she's done she looks at me and says "Have a good day, Losander" and smiles.
I smile back and say "You too, good luck with your swordplay."
As she stands up I turn to Jaqueline and tell her I'm done eating too. My sister asks "Were you just waiting for me to finish again? I told you, you don't need to wait."
It looks like this is a habit of mine, I wonder where this came from? I remember in my old life it was just good manners to make sure no one ate alone.
She rolls her eyes, the smile still pushing at her rosy cheeks. She exits through the same door my brother did, leaving me, Jaqueline, and a few of the servers alone in the room.
I take another bite of the muffin. It really is good.
Full from breakfast, I sit behind the desk in the study they called my own. It must be a really big house if we all have our own rooms and studies. The desk is quite big for someone like me, but I have a few cushions to push me up above the desk.
I realise I'm 2 years old, so I'm not really sure what I should be learning at this stage. Luckily, I still have most of the memories from my past life, and the language they speak here sounds remarkably like English, so I've had no problems understanding people either. Jaqueline picks a book from the shelves in the walls, and places it in front of me at the desk. It's quite a large tome, with many pages. Surely I shouldn't be reading books this big at this age? In fact, I'm not sure I'd want to read books this big in my old life either!
The cover is blank except for a few decorative swirls. They look beautiful, like art nouveau embellishments. Unfortunately, because there's no title, I don't know what to expect within the book.
Jaqueline opens it, passes a few decorative pages, and points to a page with one big swirl in it's centre. She points to it, and looks at me expectantly. I look back up to her.
I have absolutely no idea what she wants…
"What sound does this one make, Young Master?"
…
What?
"Umm." I hesitate, dumb-founded.
Wait, is this writing? Is this the alphabet of the language these people speak? I thought it was a cool drawing!
"I don't know" I say. Jaqueline smiles, but looks up to the ceiling with a playful huff.
"Come along now, Young Master. You must remember, we only covered in yesterday."
Oh damn, but I wasn't here yesterday!
"Ummm," I stutter out. "I don't remember."
She looks at me smiling, almost as if she knew this would happen. To be fair, that breakfast was quite stressful for a 2-year old. I think she might be giving me some slack.
"Aaah" She says, mouthing the sound clearly for me. I repeat.
"That's right, you do remember"
"Oh yeah," I say, but I can't look her in the eye. I hope she doesn't realise I'm lying…
I look back to her, and she looks at me.
She definitely knows I'm lying…
"Here" she says, as she hands me a quill. "Take this, and try to draw Ah".
I take the enormous feather in my hand; it looked like a fairly normal size in hers. In many ways I feel quite lucky, I don't have to pretend not to know how to read or write, I absolutely have no idea! Perfect for a 2-year-old.
I try to draw the symbol a few times – and it really is drawing rather than writing – when there is a knock at the door.