***
I am not what you would call a bad bitch.
But unfortunately, the four girls currently surrounding me, could definitely be defined as such.
I eat water yet again, as Erica fucking Swells, the leader of this gaggle of girlfriends shoves me face first into the bathroom sink.
I probably should be panicking more than I am. But A: This is a Tuesday, and B: I've had dreams about this exact scenario.
I wonder if I can get her to spank me.
No, I don't arch my back at her. Fuck off.
I'm pulled from the nasty sink water and choke down jagged breaths of that sweet sweet oxygen.
"STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY BOYFRIEND!" Erica screams in my face.
I choke and splutter and spit out water, but I manage to choke out a wheezy little "who?"
Erica gives me a slightly confused look, like bitch how am I meant to know who you are dating. I don't hate boys, but they aren't really my thing. Fun to play video games with, and I do love video games.
Also loving the way Erica is holding me up by a fist full of my hair.
No, stop, you are being bullied, don't make it weird.
"Tayler. He keeps fucking talking about you, you dumb bitch." Erica enlightens me about her current penis of choice.
Do I know a Tayler? I dig back in my mind, as I try my best to ignore the fact I can feel Erica's breath on my skin.
I've never been good with names, I mean I know Erica fucking Swells because god damn, it's Erica fucking Swells. I have a vague idea about her minions at arms, I think one of them is called Penny? Feels a little old fashioned. But I don't really remember any boys, other than James. I spend most weekends around that loser's house, because my computer is a piece of shit and his isn't.
He has an older brother I think, called Tay.... Ah, fuck.
"ERICA!" A shout from outside the girls bathroom door, just before it slams open. There standing proudly like a god damn super hero is Tayler in all his football crafted lean six pack glory. Because of course he just appears, as I said, it's a fucking Tuesday.
Real football, not what you Americans call rugby. You know the game where you kick the ball around with your feet.
"Get away from her," he yells at his girlfriend. Though I'm guessing it's his ex-girlfriend now. Hopefully.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait." I stammer, "Erica and I are just talking, no need for anyone to freak out here." Not gonna lie, this is the closest I've ever been to my crush of god knows how long. Call me desperate, but I will take what I can get.
Tayler, Erica and all her bully cronies give my soaked face the same funny look.
"She's clearly bullying you?" Tayler said, gesturing to my wet and bedraggled self.
"Nah, this is like a role play thing. Also, this is the girls bathroom. I don't think you should be in here." I try, I hope, I know it's not gonna work, because it's Tuesday.
Tayler steps in through the door and seperates me from Erica fucking Swells, like the awful knight in shining armor that he so clearly wants to be.
"It's okay Tangerine. I won't let her hurt you anymore."
Yes, like the fruit, my mum was a hippy, fuck off.
"I knew you would pick her you cheating fuck." Erica screamed in Tayler's face. That really sucks for her, he didn't deserve her anyway.
Also, I guess she's single now.
Gotta clear my name first though. "I'm not cheating on you with Tayler!" I said, from behind Tayler's lanky mountain of abs.
Phrasing?
Nah I'm sure it's fine.
It's Taylers turn to look shocked now. He turns to me with mist in his eyes, "But I thought we had a connection?"
You spend one evening with a boy and let him shit out his emotional constipation and they fall in love with you. Every fucking time.
"Tayler, I'm still a lesbian. Have been since I was six, when I got my first crush on E...."
Yeah not gonna finish that sentence.
Taylor goes full puppy, "But you always come around my house, and smile at me. And you are always so happy to talk. Were you just leading me on all this time?" I bite back a sigh.
I put on my slow calming teacher voice and I inch towards the door. "No Tayler, I come around your house to hang out with James, we play video games together. That is the only reason I'm there."
"But, but, James is gay?" Tayler looked confused, stunned and betrayed. Because the reality of me doesn't match the fairytale version constructed in his head.
"I know Tayler, and so am I."
I've made it to the bathroom door and my sweet sweet freedom. "Look, you two clearly have a lot to talk about, about who likes who, who deserves who." I flash Erica fucking Swells my best winning grin. "If anyone is questioning anything. So I will leave you lot to it."
I fucking book it.
Okay that's a lie, I run for half a corridor, get a stitch and run out of breath. Fucking video games will be the death of me.
***
I skip the rest of school because I do not want to be around the fallout of all that drama, and also because fuck school, I'm failing anyway.
I feel like this is the point where I lament living in a small town, and dream about one day moving to the big city where I can find my people and live my best gay, adhd life. But I already live in London, there is nowhere bigger to go.
I get on the tube and head to Camden. Not like I have any money, but at least I get to look at the pretty things. Like all the goth girls hanging around.
It's a fruitful afternoon. Loving that skinny jeans are back. Not for me I mean, I'm a fashion disaster. Cargo trousers and hoodies, mascara on a good day. I have long hair in a pony tail because my mum would cry if I cut it. I say I'm a soft butch, but that's a lie. Soft butches put way more effort in than I do. I'm just lazy.
Hey I shave my legs and armpits, what more do you want. Fuck off.
I spot one of those creepy little shops with odd knick knacks down a dark side road. It looks haunted as fuck. I know it's not, because this is London and the rent per month is probably in the tens of thousands, probably some designer shit marketed for new age coven goers. Not full goth, and too light for cottage core. Too quirky for Dark Academia, is there a dark cottage core?
Imagine a spooky antique shop.
I wander around the shop, killing time before I have to go home and face a mum that is going to ream me out for skipping school. Again.
I poke around at the weird odds and sods, give the old man behind the counter, with screaming 'I am a wizard' fashion choices, a generic 'I acknowledge your existence' wave.
He leers back at me, with the leer that I only get from men when I'm alone. Wonderful.
I move to the back of the shop through an odd little doorway. Shelves get more compact and more full of weird creepy shit. There is an actual goblet with bubbling blood here. I wonder how that works, I can't see any pumps.
As I continue deep into this apparently never ending shop, the lights get dimmer and the atmosphere gets thicker. If this wasn't in the middle of London I would probably be freaking out right now. The only thing I'm really thinking is how the fuck a shop like this can afford the rent - this place is huge.
Eventually even my non-existent spider senses start tingling. Probably best to leave. I turn back around and head for the exit.
And I don't find it.
Just endless shelves of odd creepy antiques.
I stumble into a small room that contains a floating orb with a face, dribbling black tar from its oversized mouth.
Oh shit.
Now I'm freaking out for real. This is some grade A horror movie shit. And it is fucking Tuesday. If I was ever going to end up as a victim in a slasher movie, then it would be on a Tuesday.
I turn around to book it, and run straight into creepy wizard guy. I bundle into him at full force and the motherfucker does not move. I fall to the ground with panic in my eyes and fear in my gut.
He leans down and grabs me by the hair, and unlike with Erica, this time it was not hot.
He drags me merciless down another tight little corridor of now very evil looking antiques and shoves me into what best could be described as a medieval torture chair.
I scream at him as he forces my arms and legs into position against the chair and locks me into place.
I'm a screaming, tear and snot filled mess, piss runs down my leg. But no matter how much I scream he ignores me. He shows no response at all.
I get a good look at him through my hazily tear filled eyes. His eyes are whited out and there is a clear tear through his cheek. This guy is dead… a moving corpse. I'm about to get eaten by an actual fucking zombie.
But he doesn't eat my brains, he just leaves and then returns with a head shaped item that could only be described as a skull clamp. Nasty looking screws on it, pointed inward.
He slowly shuffles behind me, I scream and wiggle and blub and cry but nothing stops the skull clamp being fitted over my head.
I'm going to die.
To a horror movie trope.
I literally walked into the creepy horror shop, alone.
Isn't the virgin meant to survive these situations?
The zombie holds my head still and turns the first screw, it pierces the side of my skull and something deep within my chest cracks.
The world around me goes multi coloured as I tear through time and space.
How do I know that I have torn through time and space? Well because now I'm no longer in a creepy antiques store strapped to a chair.
I'm on the cold stone floor of a castle, splayed out in my piss soaked cargos, and there are fucking vampires all around me, drinking blood in their fancy Georgian costumes. They stare at me, clearly as surprised as I am.
The thing in my chest cracks again and now I'm deep underwater, liquid flooding my lungs before I remember not to breathe. A leviathan, of a scale that I can not describe, takes notice of me like I'm a tasty little snack.
My chest cracks again and I fall over a cliff's edge, the ground dropping away before me to hard rocks and cold ocean far below. Before I stumble and trip to my doom, a hand grabs my hoodie and drags me back to the safe side of falling to my death.
I cough up water, choke and splutter. The feeling in my chest goes to crack again but the hand flips me over and roughly slams a metal choker shut around my neck.
The crack stutters out like a missed sneeze.
There's two of them standing over me, a man and a woman. Both dressed in a strange uniform. They stood like cops.
Fuck yes - I'm a white woman, I'm fucking saved!
The woman starts talking to me, in that nice voice that says that they are here to help. It's a shame I don't understand a word she's saying.
"Thankyou, there was a Zombie, and a chair and then he was gonna kill me, then there were vampires and then I was underwater and there was a big tentacle monster of the not fun kind, and then I ended up nearly falling off this cliff and you saved me! Thankyou, thankyou." I babble and cry at the two cops.
They look at me confused. I guess they don't understand English.
The male cop reaches into his bag and pulls out a small slug. It's covered in nasty little tentacles. He pushes me down and presses the slug next to my eye, the nasty slimy thing grabs my eyelids and starts squirming its way inside.
This was it, this was too much for me, fuck this Tuesday.
I pass the fuck out.
****
I wake with a start. The metal choker is still around my neck and there is a slimy feeling in the back of my neck. On the inside, gross.
I'm sitting in a carriage which looks Victorian but extra, big steampunk vibes. The cops are sitting with me. The man penning me in, next to the window, the lady cop across from me and a table between us with a tea set sitting upon it.
She passes me a blue china cup filled with some sort of hot tea.
"Bad day hun?" She asks.
"Tuesday innit." I replied to her.
"Those are the worst." She agrees with my flippant comment. "I'm Maria Rockwood and my partner here is Gideon Wraith." The man gives me a curt nod. "You mind telling us who you are?"
"Tangerine Stone." I said, as Maria pulled out that little notebook that all cops have and jotted down my name. With an ink pen, weird.
"And where are you from Tangerine?" She follows up.
"Redbridge" I said, and then followed up with "London? England? Earth?" as she looked at me with increasing confusion.
She waved out of the window, "Do you recognize where you are?"
I turn to look and almost pass out again. Outside the train is a roiling sea of colours. I can spot islands and continents floating out in the colourful nothingness.
My eyes snap back to Maria. "Wonderland?"
She smirks at me. "You are taking it better than most." She takes a sip of her tea, and I mimic her for something to do with my hands. The tea is light and goes down smooth. It certainly tastes better than the bile that was there before.
"So this is a good news and lots of bad news situation." She continues. "First off I know you are scared. I have been in your position. I ended up rift walking by accident much the same way as you. It is okay, you are safe now. You will be looked after."
She takes another sip of her tea. "The bad news is that we don't recognize the plane that you are from. Which means we have no way to get you back home. Also, even if we did know your plane, you are an aberrant riftwalker. The City of Doors claims dominion over all Riftwalkers. You would not be allowed to leave."
"So I'm a prisoner then?" I asked, muted panic taking hold. Honestly I'm just too drained to care at this point.
"No, it's more like a forcible conscription." She replied. "Untrained Riftwalkers can be extremely dangerous to themselves and others. Especially ones with cracked cores like yourself. Without that collar around your neck your life would be over shortly and explosively."
I sigh and take another sip of my tea. "What was with the horrible slug?" I ask.
"It is a small part of an extra dimensional hive mind. It is why you can understand what I am saying and why I can understand you."
"So am I part of a hive mind as well now?" I gotta say, this is a lot for a girl to take in.
"No, we have a deal with the hive mind. It keeps a light touch. At the basic level it just provides translation services. If you want more from it, then you will have to trade with a copy of your memories. Look into it when you are ready, it's honestly a pretty good deal."
Theres a fucking hive mind in my head, and apparently it does deals.
Wait, can it hear this?
[Yes]
I take a deep breath, and then another sip of tea. Well I'm just going to deal with that later.
I refocus back on Maria. "So what happens now?"
"Right now, nothing much. This is going to be a fairly long train journey. We are headed back to the City of Doors. I know you must be scared and that's okay, but remember I was once just where you were, and now I'm here helping you. And one day in the future you will be where I am, helping some other poor lost soul." She reaches across the table that separates our train seats and takes my hand. "I know this is scary, and I know you are being forced into a life you did not ask for. But it can be a good life if you let it. You can help people."
I squeeze her hand back and sigh. "As long as there are videogames I will be fine."
Maria gives me a pained look, "What's a videogame?"
This is the point when I break down and sob myself to sleep.