I don't know when the scenarios started.
At first, it was just random thoughts before sleeping.
Then they became detailed.
Too detailed.
It usually began the same way.
I'm walking somewhere normal. A bookstore. An airport. A random street in another country that I've never even seen in real life.
And then I bump into someone.
I look up.
It's him.
Seo Juhan.
Not dressed like an idol. Not surrounded by bodyguards. Just… normal.
In my imagination, he always looks confused for a second before smiling.
"Sorry," he says.
And in every version of the scenario, I react differently.
Sometimes I pretend I don't recognize him.
I just nod politely and walk away.
He watches me go, slightly curious.
In that version, I feel powerful.
Like I'm not just another fan.
Other times, I recognize him immediately.
But I don't scream.
I don't cry.
I just smile softly and say, "I hope you're resting well."
He looks surprised.
Grateful.
Like I said something different from everyone else.
That version makes me feel mature.
Special.
Different.
It's funny because in real life, I can't even talk properly to teachers without overthinking for three hours later.
But in my imagination?
I'm calm. Collected. Unbothered.
There was one scenario I repeated the most.
He's sitting alone somewhere.
Not sad. Just quiet.
And I'm nearby, also quiet.
We don't talk much.
We just sit in comfortable silence.
That one always felt the safest.
No dramatic confession. No love story.
Just two people existing peacefully.
Looking back, I realize something embarrassing.
I never imagined dating him.
Never imagined him choosing me over the world.
I just imagined being seen.
Even for a second.
Because in real life, I didn't feel seen.
I was average in studies. Average in looks. Average in everything.
Teachers didn't praise me much. Friends didn't depend on me much.
I wasn't invisible.
But I wasn't important either.
In my head, though?
I mattered.
In my imaginary world, Seo Juhan noticed me because I was calm. Because I wasn't screaming. Because I understood him silently.
That's how I rewrote reality.
I didn't want to be the loud fangirl.
I wanted to be the quiet one who stood out.
It sounds ridiculous.
Building an entire emotional universe around edited clips and soft smiles.
But those few minutes before sleeping?
They were mine.
No money required. No ticket required. No passport required.
Just imagination.
And every night, I added a new scene.
A new meeting.
A new version of myself that felt… better.
I didn't know it yet.
But I wasn't building a love story.
I was building a version of Anshu who felt important.
And maybe that's why I didn't want to stop.