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i was not meant to exist

Tianggg
7
chs / week
The average realized release rate over the past 30 days is 7 chs / week.
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Synopsis
A veteran warrior stranded in the darkness on the way to hell, suddenly a figure pulls him, offering him a choice: to go to hell or live in a new world, with the potential to become hell. Follow the warrior's journey in his new world. Note: This is my first novel, please read it first, because I think it's interesting and I hope the readers will be interested too.
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Chapter 1 - BAB 1 : Alex Sander

Darkness.

Darkness was everywhere.

There was no sound, no sensation, nothing at all.

I didn't know how long I had been here. Time seemed to have lost its meaning. I didn't even know whether I could still call myself existing, or if I was merely a fragment of consciousness that had yet to disappear.

Faint memories surfaced in my mind—blurred and fragmented, like dreams I was about to forget.

Then the feeling returned—sharp, cold, piercing.

A stab through my heart.

The memory struck me. My chest ached, even though I no longer felt myself breathing. The sensation was so real that I wanted to scream—yet no sound came out.

Slowly, the scattered pieces of memory began to form. I remembered people's expressions. I remembered the cries of war. I remembered the final moment before my vision went dark.

I had died.

The realization left a hollow feeling in my chest. It wasn't merely sadness—it was a profound sense of loss, as if my entire existence had been torn away from the world without warning. No farewell. No last words. My life had ended without leaving a trace.

Was this death?

Was this the afterlife?

But there was nothing here. No ground, no sky, no boundaries. Only endless darkness.

A dreadful thought crept into my mind.

What if death meant disappearance?

What if I would slowly fade away, until even the memory of myself vanished?

Fear gripped me. I forced myself to remember—my name, my face, fragments of my life—anything, as long as I could remember that I once existed.

Then a gentle voice echoed.

"Are you enjoying yourself in the darkness?"

Beautiful.

Far too beautiful to belong in a place like this.

I was startled.

Where did that voice come from?

And how was I still able to hear?

Before I could think further, the space around me began to twist. My body felt as if it were being pulled by something unseen, and then—

Splash!

My body crashed into something that felt like water, yet solid. Pain spread throughout my body.

"Ah— that hurts…"

I froze.

I could hear my own voice.

Sensation returned to my skin, and something so simple made relief fill my chest. I could still feel. I hadn't completely disappeared.

I slowly stood up. The place was still dark, but now I could see my feet, my hands—my own body—the existence I had just doubted moments ago.

"What is this…? Where am I…?"

The same voice spoke again, now clearly coming from behind me.

"Welcome, human."

I turned toward the source of the voice.

Sitting atop a large rock was a woman. Her beauty was beyond description. Her white hair flowed like a river of ice, reflecting a soft glow. Her snow-white eyes gazed calmly yet coldly. Her skin shimmered faintly, as if illuminated by moonlight.

Beautiful—but not human beauty.

Something beyond that.

"Who are you?" I asked. "Why am I here?

She smiled faintly.

"You should know better than anyone why you are here, Adrian."

She spoke my name so casually that my heart skipped a beat.

"How do you know my name?"

"You have died," she said calmly. "And the darkness you experienced earlier was the path to the afterlife."

I lowered my head. Even though I had suspected it, hearing the truth spoken aloud made my chest feel heavy. My life had truly ended.

"But don't worry."

Her voice softened.

"I pulled you away from that path and brought you here because I have something to offer."

I looked at her.

"An offer…?"

The woman stepped down from the rock and approached silently.

"I can give you a second life. In a world different from your own."

My expression turned confused.

"A different world…? Does something like that really exist?"

She smiled and raised her hand toward the sky.

The darkness above us split open, revealing another world.

Cities rose high with futuristic buildings. Lights floated in the air. Roads unlike anything I had ever seen stretched between towers of metal and glass.

But the scene changed.

Flames devoured the buildings. The sky turned red with smoke. Rivers darkened with waste. Bodies lay scattered across the streets. Silent screams hung in the air.

Then vast battlefields appeared, filled with monsters. Demon-like beings towered in the distance, their gazes overflowing with hatred and destruction.

"That world is beautiful," she said softly.

A trace of longing appeared on her face.

"But it has been trapped in war for thousands of years. Its enemies are demons and monsters born from the world itself."

The image shifted again.

Figures of various races stood amid destruction, holding weapons with unwavering determination.

"They are the ones who will end the war and bring peace."

The sky changed once more, revealing my own figure—as if a giant mirror stood before me—before transforming into an unfamiliar young man with emotionless black eyes and short black hair swaying in the wind.

The mysterious woman pointed at me.

"And you are one of them."

I pointed at myself in confusion.

"Me? Why me? I come from a different world. I don't have the ability to do something like that."

She shook her head.

"You do, Adrian," she said calmly. "You always have."

She looked straight into my eyes.

"I need someone unexpected. Someone who can lead those who are still fragile. Someone capable of pushing others to reach their highest potential."

She smiled faintly.

"Do not underestimate yourself, Adrian."

My expression darkened.

"What happens if I refuse?" I asked hesitantly.

Her expression turned cold.

"You will return to that darkness," she replied, her voice now colder.

"And at the end of it… perhaps hell."

My brow tightened as cold sweat ran down my back. I held my head with both hands.

"Hell? Damn… shouldn't it be heaven?"

She shrugged.

"With all your sins, hell is more likely. By living this second life, at least you won't go there for now. And perhaps the sins of your previous life will be erased."

I looked at her with hope.

"If I succeed… do I get something?"

"Yes," she nodded. "You will receive a reward."

I fell silent. The choice felt bitter, yet clear. Return to endless emptiness, or live a second life in a world at war.

"Alright," I finally said. "I'll do it."

She clapped her hands softly and smiled brightly—a sharp contrast to her cold gaze.

"Good. My time is limited."

She touched my hand. Warm. When she pulled away, nothing remained.

"You will learn about your reward once you arrive there."

She smiled again.

"From now on, your name is Alex Sander. Live your life as Alex Sander. Do not forget it."

I looked at her, trying to memorize her beautiful face.

"Alex Sander… that's a cool name."

White light began to consume everything.

I spoke for the last time.

"We've talked for so long," I said as everything faded,

"but I still don't know who you are."

She smiled, her expression full of mystery.

"You will know later," she replied.

Tears slipped from her eyes unintentionally.

"Now wake up, Alex Sander, and fight. Good luck."