I'd heard it somewhere.
That when you die, your brain releases the same chemicals you use when you dream.
Except all at once.
Every last drop.
The result is the most vivid dream you'll ever experience.
And even with that. Even in my literal death; when I had my version of that...
I couldn't have anything good happen to me.
How do I know it was death?
My skill.
[Curse (F) >> Rotting Soul (F) – Your soul is banished from the immortal plains. Each time you meet your end, your body and items and gear shall be disintegrated and revived at a safe location you've travelled priorly. Your fatigue, health, and satiety restored to their prime condition relative to your age...]
At first, I wondered just how that kinda broken skill can belong to an F-rank...
... And that's when I read the rest and realized exactly why.
[... However, you will continue to age. Eventually, you'll reach a point of endless death in endless loops; due to dying of heart failure or other causes when you're old and weak. May the Gods have mercy on your rotten soul.]
[Bound to your soul. Immune to nullification. Cannot be stolen or copied.]
'As well as why it was named: 'Rotting' Soul.'
I just sat in the darkness, looking at it, repeatedly swallowing in the memory of my blood choking me when that beast... Ate me.
And after several long minutes, I just couldn't help but wonder.
'... They did not have to specify my eventual fate.... T-This system... or whoever the fuck wrote this.'
'I could have... figured that out on my own. But they put it there. My eventual fate. Of course they did. Why wouldn't they pile on, too?'
"I'm not really sure, so please help me understand," I said aloud, feeling the urge to speak.
"Have I not been tortured enough—" No. Not the time. And you know the answer.
'Of course you weren't. You wouldn't be in this state if anything, whether it be fate or God that took pity on you; or worshipped you like they do Kazuya; giving him the Hero class. Him.'
It's not that there's something wrong with the world. It's something wrong with me.
'The ultimate truth of this world... Of mine.' I thought... Reaching out for Van's crushed spine, petting it gently.
'That only a dead man won't leave me.'
I lowered my head.
I still felt pompous. Shamed for using these theatrical-sounding reasoning. But after this death...
... It felt like I had less reason to feel ashamed about it.
'I feel calmer already.' Even my breaths in this rotten and stale environment started to get even. The memory of my death... Well, it won't be a problem unless I think about it.
... And I don't ever need to.
All I need to do, right now...
'Is to leave this place. If I can just kill Kazuya... I... I think I can accept this fate. Of forever dying or whatnot. If something's wrong with me, if I really can't exist in this world alongside them...'
'Then I reject reality...' I decided. But something inside me twitched, yet again. It didn't agree to this just yet. It felt like I was puffing my chest versus an invisible bully in the darkness.
Even after dying, my conviction... Is not enough? Do I not really believe my own words, then?
It pisses me off. So, so much. Why can't I just be normal?
'Van... That's just fucked up, don't you agree? Everything, I mean. My whole life—' I looked down. He wasn't there.
Van isn't here.
'Van...?' I looked around.
"VAN!?" My voice shook as I immediately sprang up. He's not here with me. No... No... I need him. I need him.
I'm not leaving without Van.
"Va-" Growl. Thud. Thud. Thud... Fast.
'It's that thing. No... He's coming..!' I felt nauseous. I think I smell urine... Did I pee when I got reincarnated? Doesn't matter.
'I need to hide! The boulder...! Now!' I hurried behind the large rock I first found Van in the large chamber. From behind it I could tell it got close.
I once more stopped breathing almost entirely as I hid.
And then I heard it. Closer...
Closer than ever.
And no longer from behind the rock.
That's when It hit me...
That my piss must've gave me away.
The boulder vanished. I flew, back slammed the wall, helmet clanged, and I crumpled.
I tried to push myself up.
My legs stayed on the floor, twisted like snapped chopsticks.
'What the hell—why won't they—'
Hotness ran down both thighs again. My piss most likely. I could feel my bladder empty again...
But there was something wrong, like it started emptying too much.
That's when I looked down. The liquid that poured down...
Was dark.
'BLOOD... I'm peeing blood... Ah...' I couldn't breathe at the realization. As if the imagined pain was worse than what it actually was. Was my... cock punctured in some way by the dented armor?
The thought made me throw up. The stench of bile, oddly enough, wasn't worse than the stench from the environment.
The monster then stepped in.
It sniffed once, hard, snout flaring straight at me.
'Oh no. The piss... blood... it smells.. ah...'
I tried to crawl backward. Fingers scrabbled, armor scraping loud.
It reached me in two lazy strides.
A paw the size of my chest pinned me down, like it did before. Claws punched through the breastplate, into my lungs... Yet again.
'At least get creative...' A thought fired up. I didn't know I could make jokes in moments like these.
But as fast as the thought arrived, it vanished.
I opened my mouth to scream.
Only blood came out.
It lowered its head.
Its tongue, hot, wet, rough, dragged up my inner thigh, lapping the urine-blood mix like it was sauce.
'Stop, stop, stop—'
It bit my left foot off.
Crunch.
Pain exploded up my leg like fire.
"AA*glruag*AAAAGH! N*glarg*O! STO*glarg*!!!!" I could scream. The blood expelling itself from my lungs with my air.
I kicked with the other leg.
It bit that one off too.
'It hurts.. no. it hurts.. i feel my... crotch... getting yanked down with it... No.. It stretches it.. Grgh...'
It started chewing upward, slow, tearing armor and meat together.
Every bite was a new scream.
'Make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop'
It reached my hips.
Teeth closed around my pelvis.
Crunch.
Everything below my waist went dead.
I couldn't feel my legs anymore... I was relieved in a way.
I couldn't feel anything except the teeth moving higher.
It flipped me over.
I tried to crawl.
Hands slipped in my own blood. They shook.
It bit into my back.
I felt my spine pop, felt something tear loose inside.
'Mommy... mommy please...'
It stepped on the back of my helmet.
Metal folded.
Edges sliced my cheeks, my eyelids.
Blood poured into my mouth.
It bit my right arm off at the elbow.
I watched the arm disappear between its jaws.
Then the left.
Just a head and torso now.
'M-mommy...'
It hooked a claw under my sternum and pulled.
Ribs cracked open.
Cold air on my heart.
It looked at me.
I looked back.
'Please... just make it quick...'
It didn't.
It ate my heart slowly, still beating.
Blackness...
Then... Same bed.
Same sunlight.
Same Mom smiling.
"Just stay with me. I… I'm not asking for much, right?" I held her. Stronger than before. Her breasts pressing against the top of my head as I nozzle against her abdomen in tears.
But I already knew.
"Alright honey..."
"... at least until Kazuya gets here."
Crack. The sound of an opening door.
Bunny suit.
Kazuya... Coming behind her, touching everywhere without restraint.
"Like you could do anything like that to anyone," He let out mockingly, still holding them in his arms... She moans while stretching her body, arching her back at him.
I looked down... There it was again. That bleeding cavity where my crotch was supposed to be.
"Don't leave..."
A stone hitting my face. It was Kazuya who threw it.
"What are you gonna do about it?" He let out, looking at me with a threatening smile. The type you take before beating someone to death... as he did her from behind, "You think you're some drama protagonist? Saying 'waaah don't leave meee' like someone will listen to you?"
He looked at her.
"See, mommy? He's delusional"
"You're right... Kazu-kun..."
Back on stone.
"GRAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I let out the scream I couldn't when that monster ate me.
My body arched so hard the breastplate scraped sparks.
Foam poured out of the helmet, thick. My body thrashed in all directions, still feeling the pain from my last death.
I clawed at my own throat, kicked with legs that weren't broken anymore, screamed with a voice that wasn't torn.
The phantom teeth were still chewing.
When it finally stopped I was on my side, gasping, shaking.
The skull lay three meters away.
This was the place I died the first time. My skill must've put me here because this is the farthest place there is from danger.
But more than that...
'Van... I-I found you.'
I crawled.
Every inch felt like the monster was still eating me.
When I reached it, I pressed my visor to its forehead.
"I'm sorry," I sobbed, voice tiny. "Please don't leave me again. You won't leave me again, right? Ah... I know how you won't ever leave me... I know... I know."
It's as if I instinctively knew as I felt the armor around me.
That creature definitely bit armor pieces off my body... And yet, I revived with all the armor still on me.
The reason I thought of this instinctively...
Is because of Van.
'If I wear you on me... You won't ever leave me. Even in death, right..!?' Hurriedly, I ripped out a piece of linen cloth with force I have never used before in my life. I hurriedly slid one end into the hole behind his head, taking it out in the other crack that was there... Then, tied him to the leather belt he gave me.
I attached him to me...
Now... He won't leave me.
'Ah…' I just noticed.
'I'm not hungry or thirsty… Or tired anymore.'
'I guess dying resets that?'