Chapter 143
Morning came quietly.
The first thing Haru noticed was the warmth.
He opened his eyes slowly, still caught somewhere between sleep and consciousness. For a moment, he didn't remember where he was. The curtains were still drawn, leaving the bedroom dim despite the sunlight pressing against the edges of the fabric.
Then he felt the arm around his waist.
Raiven.
Haru's eyes softened.
He didn't move immediately.
Raiven was sleeping behind him, his breathing slow and even. His face looked different when he slept. The tension that seemed permanently etched into his features during the day disappeared, leaving behind the younger version of him that Haru sometimes caught glimpses of when he wasn't trying to be strong.
Haru carefully turned around.
Raiven's hair was disheveled, a few strands falling across his forehead. His lips were slightly parted, and there was something almost peaceful about him.
Haru smiled.
For the first time in days, he didn't feel like he was looking at someone slipping away.
He looked at someone sleeping beside him.
Someone who was still here.
Haru reached out and carefully brushed the hair away from Raiven's face.
Raiven stirred.
His eyebrows furrowed slightly before his eyes opened.
For several seconds, he simply stared at Haru.
Then his expression softened.
"Morning."
His voice was rough with sleep.
"Morning."
Haru smiled.
Raiven closed his eyes again and pulled him closer.
Haru let out a quiet laugh as his face pressed against Raiven's chest.
"You're clingy in the morning."
"I'm tired."
"You're always tired lately."
The words escaped before Haru could stop them.
Raiven went quiet.
Haru immediately regretted it.
He lifted his head.
"Sorry."
Raiven opened his eyes again.
"Don't apologize."
There was no irritation in his voice. Only exhaustion.
Haru studied him carefully.
"How do you feel?"
Raiven looked at the ceiling for a moment.
"I don't know."
It was probably the most honest answer he could have given.
Haru nodded.
"Okay."
He didn't push.
That alone seemed to surprise Raiven.
Haru rested his head against his shoulder again.
Neither of them spoke for a while.
Outside, Seoul had already begun another day.
Haru could hear distant traffic through the window. Somewhere downstairs, a door closed. A notification buzzed from his phone on the bedside table before going silent again.
Ordinary sounds.
Haru had missed them.
He had spent so many days watching Raiven that every quiet moment had begun to feel threatening. If Raiven slept too long, Haru worried. If he skipped a meal, Haru worried. If he didn't answer a question immediately, Haru wondered whether something was wrong.
He had been searching for signs everywhere.
Maybe today he could stop searching for a little while.
Haru reached for Raiven's hand beneath the blanket.
Their fingers intertwined.
"You know," Haru murmured, "you don't always have to tell me you're okay."
Raiven glanced at him.
Haru continued before he could answer.
"You can tell me you aren't."
Raiven's fingers tightened around his.
"I know."
"Do you?"
A faint smile appeared on Raiven's lips.
"You're persistent."
"You've known that for a while."
"I have."
Haru smiled.
For a brief moment, the room felt lighter.
Then Raiven's gaze shifted toward the window.
"I don't want you to spend your days worrying about me."
Haru's smile disappeared.
"I already do."
"I know."
"Then don't make me pretend I don't."
Raiven looked back at him.
Haru wasn't angry.
That was what made his words hurt more.
"I don't need you to be happy all the time," Haru said quietly. "I don't even need you to explain everything to me. But don't shut me out completely."
Raiven looked down at their intertwined hands.
"I'll try."
Haru nodded.
That was enough.
Not because it solved anything.
But because it was something Raiven had chosen to give him.
Haru leaned forward and kissed his forehead.
"That's all I'm asking."
Raiven's eyes closed.
His hand remained wrapped around Haru's.
Eventually, they got out of bed.
Haru was halfway through pulling on a clean shirt when he noticed Raiven standing by the window.
The curtains were still closed.
Raiven stared at them for several seconds.
Haru waited.
Then, without saying anything, Raiven reached forward and pulled them open.
Morning sunlight flooded the room.
Raiven immediately squinted and turned away.
Haru laughed.
"You look like you've been living in a cave."
Raiven gave him an unimpressed look.
"It's bright."
"You've had the curtains closed for days."
Haru walked over and opened the window slightly.
Cool air entered the room.
Raiven stood beside him.
For a while, neither spoke.
The city stretched before them.
It looked exactly as it had the night before.
Only now, the lights had disappeared beneath the morning sun.
Haru looked at Raiven.
"Breakfast?"
Raiven hesitated.
Haru immediately noticed.
He almost asked if he was hungry.
Instead, he changed the question.
"Do you want to eat with me?"
Raiven looked at him.
There was a small pause.
"Okay."
It wasn't much.
But Haru smiled anyway.
They walked into the kitchen together.
The apartment still wasn't completely clean.
Haru looked at the mess.
Raiven followed his gaze.
"I'll clean it today."
"You don't have to."
"I should."
Haru considered him.
"Then we'll do it together."
Raiven looked as though he wanted to protest.
Haru raised a finger.
"Don't argue."
A faint smile appeared on Raiven's face.
"You're bossy."
"You like it."
"I tolerate it."
"Liar."
The exchange was insignificant.
Almost stupid.
But Haru found himself smiling anyway.
They began with breakfast.
Raiven didn't eat much.
Haru noticed.
Of course he noticed.
But he didn't comment.
Instead, he talked about his upcoming schedule, complained about how early call times should be illegal, and told Raiven about something Sehee had said while he was staying at her place.
Raiven listened.
Sometimes he responded.
Sometimes he simply hummed.
It wasn't the lively conversation they used to have.
But it wasn't silence either.
After breakfast, they started cleaning.
Raiven took care of the living room while Haru gathered the dishes and discarded containers. It took longer than either of them expected.
At one point, Haru found an unopened package that had been delivered almost two weeks earlier.
He looked at Raiven.
"What's this?"
Raiven glanced over.
"I don't remember."
Haru opened it.
Inside was a jacket Raiven had apparently ordered weeks ago.
Haru held it up.
"You bought this?"
Raiven stared at it.
"Apparently."
"You don't even remember ordering it."
"No."
Haru lowered the jacket.
Something about that answer unsettled him.
Not because of the jacket itself.
Because it reminded him how disconnected Raiven had become from his own life.
Haru didn't mention it.
He folded the jacket carefully and placed it on the couch.
They continued cleaning.
By the time they were finished, the apartment looked like itself again.
Not perfect.
Not spotless.
Just lived in.
Haru stood in the middle of the room and looked around.
Raiven came to stand beside him.
"Better?"
"Much."
Raiven nodded.
Haru turned toward him.
"You should practice today."
Raiven's expression immediately became guarded.
Haru noticed.
"I didn't say you had to."
Raiven looked away.
"I know."
"Do you want to?"
A long silence followed.
"I don't know."
Haru nodded.
"Okay."
Raiven looked at him almost suspiciously.
"You're not going to tell me I should?"
"No."
Raiven stared at him.
Haru shrugged.
A quiet laugh escaped Raiven.
"You're surprisingly annoying."
"You're welcome."
Raiven shook his head.
But he was smiling.
It wasn't a big smile.
It didn't erase the shadows beneath his eyes.
It didn't mean everything was suddenly better.
Haru knew that.
But it was real.
Later that afternoon, Haru found Raiven sitting on the balcony with a cup of coffee.
He walked over and sat beside him.
Raiven looked at him.
"You're staring."
Raiven's expression changed.
The faint amusement disappeared.
He reached for Haru's hand.
"I am."
Haru looked down at their fingers.
Raiven squeezed his hand.
Haru leaned against his shoulder.
They stayed there quietly.
No grand promises.
No declarations.
Just the two of them sitting together while the afternoon passed around them.
For the first time in days, Haru allowed himself to breathe.
Just being there long enough for them to find their way back to themselves.
And if Raiven needed time, Haru would give him time.
As long as Raiven kept giving him reasons to believe he was still fighting.
Haru closed his eyes.
His hand remained intertwined with Raiven's.