"Therefore—"
"I have something to say. Please listen quietly."
---
29. So, Is the Problem Child an Alien Hachiman?
Ishikawa Hikaru's long speech—his "slightly modified" plan—had not even begun when the activity room door suddenly creaked open.
"Hello!"
Yui Yuigahama waved at everyone inside.
However, the person who entered behind her with a worried expression immediately brightened when he saw Hachiman Hikigaya.
"Hikigaya-kun? And Ishikawa-kun? Is this your club? That's great—I was wondering how to solve this problem."
Since Ishikawa Hikaru often secretly observed people in class, he naturally recognized the visitor.
The one who had brought the problem Hachiman mentioned earlier.
A Class F student.
A member of the Tennis Club.
And the delicate, feminine-looking boy—
Ayaka Totsuka.
"You must be Totsuka-kun," Ishikawa said immediately. "We were just discussing a solution to your problem. Please close the door and listen to the plan after I revise it."
Then he glared at Hachiman.
"We have guests and you aren't even offering them seats? Don't you have any common sense? Are you even a member of the Service Club?"
"That's only because it's Totsuka-kun."
Hachiman couldn't be bothered to argue.
He simply walked to the back of the room and brought out a chair.
Totsuka quickly followed him and helped carry it.
"I'm sorry… for the trouble."
"It's nothing. Just a small thing."
Seeing the two of them speaking so naturally and warmly made Ishikawa pause.
He quietly asked Yuigahama beside him,
"When did their relationship get so good? Did I miss something important?"
Yuigahama leaned closer and whispered.
"You were sleeping in class the whole time. No one woke you up for P.E., so you don't know how Hikigaya-kun and Totsuka-kun met. They met during P.E. and started talking about tennis."
"I see."
Hachiman placed the chair across from his own seat.
"Totsuka-kun, please sit here."
"You should sit too," Ishikawa said seriously to Yuigahama.
"I'm about to announce my incredibly evil criminal plan."
"An evil criminal plan…? Th-that sounds wrong…"
Hachiman muttered as he walked behind her.
"For a naturally evil light novel author like him, a criminal plan is perfectly normal."
"With his current mental state, I wouldn't be surprised if he suddenly decided to assassinate the Prime Minister of Japan someday."
"N-No way… right?"
Yuigahama looked uneasy.
"Sit down first," Ishikawa said.
"You can think about that later after hearing my argument."
"S-Sorry!"
Yuigahama quickly ran over and sat near Yukino Yukinoshita.
"Alright."
Ishikawa stood up and slammed both hands on the desk.
"Now then—"
"I, the great Dark Emperor, will begin reading our wicked plan to invade the Land of Light!"
He began explaining enthusiastically.
"Hachiman Hikigaya, one of the Four Heavenly Kings of Darkness, proposed a plan before you arrived."
"He would join the Tennis Club as a villain."
"His presence would create a sense of crisis among the members and unite them against a common enemy."
"This plan was rejected by the Yukinoshita alien."
"But I, the great Dark Emperor, have decided to support Hachiman Hikigaya's plan."
"However—I will modify it slightly."
"I will change the plan."
"Instead of Hachiman openly invading as a villain, I, the great Dark Emperor, will personally invade the Tennis Club and challenge them to disband."
Ayaka Totsuka's eyes widened.
"Ishikawa-kun wants to abolish the Tennis Club?"
Yukino frowned.
"That's not much different from Hachiman's plan."
"The difference is huge," Ishikawa said smugly.
"Schools cannot have two clubs of the same type."
"If there is already a Tennis Club, another one cannot be established."
"So I will establish a New Tennis Club and submit a request to the student council to abolish the current one."
"Everyone."
"In high school sports, the winner takes everything."
"If your strength is overwhelming, your voice carries weight."
"If I prove that the current Tennis Club can no longer compete for national glory…"
"And that they are merely a group coasting along…"
"And if I prove that I have the strength to reach the national tournament…"
"Then my proposal to abolish the club will have a high chance of passing on paper."
"Whether the proposal actually passes is irrelevant."
"The important thing is making the Tennis Club feel the threat of being abolished."
"That's extremely easy."
"When the Tennis Club practices, I will observe their training."
"Then I will provoke them arrogantly and guide the situation toward a match where strength decides everything."
"I will defeat whoever they send."
"Then I will threaten them with the abolition proposal and schedule a match witnessed by student council members."
"Two battles."
"The first battle—"
"The Dark Great General (me) sweeps the field with overwhelming power."
"The second battle—"
"They defeat me under the watchful eyes of the Tennis Club members."
"This proves the club still deserves to exist."
"And the victory unites the members against a powerful enemy."
"They will feel pride in overcoming that enemy."
"Just like a nineteenth-century beggar proudly boasting about London's industry."
---
30. So, Will the Problem Child Become the Rhythm King?
"Your plan is even less reliable than that Dead Fish Eyes male's plan," Yukino said coldly.
"Do you have a solution for the core problem I mentioned earlier?"
"Even if your tennis skills are excellent, you can only play singles."
"What if they insist on doubles?"
"Then we find partners for doubles," Ishikawa replied immediately.
"If doubles are required, we adapt."
"If that becomes impossible, we adjust the plan again."
"Hachiman no longer infiltrates the Tennis Club."
"He simply acts in the second battle."
"The original objective is still achieved."
"How can you ensure the student council will consider abolishing the club?" Yukino asked.
"Because public opinion is easy to manipulate."
Ishikawa met her gaze calmly.
"High school students are easily influenced."
"Chain letters spread wildly among them."
"A simple message like 'forward this or you'll be cursed' can spread everywhere."
"As a light novel author who operates online accounts, I know exactly how to spread rumors."
"Creating school-level public opinion is far easier than manipulating the internet."
"Also, clubs compete for funding."
"If the Tennis Club disappears, that funding goes to other clubs."
"So if the student council hears enough rumors…"
"And we create a small opportunity…"
"They will consider abolishing the club."
"And once that possibility exists—"
"The pressure alone will terrify the Tennis Club."
"You—"
Yukino was momentarily speechless.
Hachiman frowned.
"My plan only pressures the Tennis Club internally."
"But your plan spreads rumors across the entire school."
"That risks the situation spiraling out of control."
"We only want to help the club improve."
"If things escalate and the club is actually disbanded…"
"That goes against Totsuka's wishes."
Totsuka quickly nodded.
"R-Right… If the club might be disbanded, I wouldn't want to commission this at all…"
"Well said."
Ishikawa laughed.
"You're both correct."
"A school-wide incident could easily spiral out of control."
"So we simply reduce the scale."
"To a scale we can control."
Everyone spoke at once.
"A controllable scale?"
"The dignity of the Tennis Club."
Ishikawa snapped his fingers.
"Suppose I mock your Tennis Club during practice."
"I say your skills are shallow."
"I say playing with you is a waste of my youth."
"I claim the club should disband."
"Then I demonstrate overwhelming strength and crush your dignity."
"The Tennis Club will want revenge."
"Totsuka can recruit Alien Hachiman as external reinforcement."
"They challenge me again."
"And in front of everyone—"
"They defeat the Dark Emperor."
"The Tennis Club regains its dignity."
"And the best part?"
"Even though I play the villain…"
"No one will hate me."
Ishikawa stepped into the open space of the room and struck a baseball pitching pose.
"Because in my first year—"
"The baseball coach called me a super genius pitcher capable of carrying the team to Koshien alone."
"Koshien prestige far exceeds a high school tennis tournament."
"I'm also a recognized genius light novel author."
"My royalties already exceed what an average person might save after decades of work."
"My novels may even receive anime adaptations."
"If the Tennis Club defeats a genius like me…"
"That becomes a legendary achievement."
"And the more successful I become…"
"The greater their bragging rights."
"So who would hate me?"
"If anyone still hates me…"
"Your Tennis Club should expel that idiot."
---
31. So, Would a Problem Child Find It Interesting and Give Up Destroying Planet Vegeta?
Is Ishikawa Hikaru's plan feasible?
Yes.
And its success probability is quite high.
Yukino thought for a moment and nodded.
"In that case… it is indeed possible."
"I disagree," Hachiman said.
"If we follow this plan…"
"I end up becoming the Savior of the Tennis Club."
Totsuka looked confused.
"What's wrong with that?"
"I… I've never imagined myself as a hero," Hachiman said awkwardly.
"Maybe that role just doesn't suit me."
"Everyone has a first time," Ishikawa said teasingly.
"It's like discovering your own kinks."
"You must experience something before you know whether you like it."
"Many people who believe in pure love accidentally encounter hentai…"
"And suddenly fall into degeneracy."
"That example only makes you sound more hopeless," Hachiman replied.
"Then we will proceed with Ishikawa's plan," Yukino concluded.
"Dead Fish Eyes, Yuigahama Yui, and I will train Totsuka."
"We will improve his tennis ability as quickly as possible."
"Meanwhile, Ishikawa will gather a team capable of challenging the Tennis Club."
"Eh? Why are we suddenly talking about improving my skills?" Totsuka asked.
"Because reality cannot be faked," Yukino replied.
"If your strength improves…"
"And the club acknowledges your superiority…"
"Then Ishikawa defeating you will demonstrate overwhelming strength."
"And everyone will believe it."
"If Ishikawa cannot defeat you fairly…"
"Then his entire plan collapses."
"And we will find another solution."
"Of course," she added calmly,
"Ishikawa may object to fighting honestly."
"But that would simply prove he lacks confidence in his own strength."
"In that case, the plan dies immediately."
"Sounds good," Ishikawa replied instantly.
"There is an old Chinese saying:"
'If you don't have the diamond skills, don't handle porcelain.'
"It means you should not attempt something beyond your ability."
"So I completely agree with Club President Yukinoshita's reasoning."