"Oops... wrong base? I'll just... show myself out?"
I tried to turn around and get Nakime to open a portal before this got any worse, but Martian Man's arm stretched like taffy and wrapped around my waist, locking me in place like some elastic prison.
'Fuck. Grey alien motherfucker had to grope me. Now I can't risk Nakime opening a portal or this bastard comes along for the ride.'
I wanted to keep Nakime and her pocket dimension hidden. My one near infinite safe space, my trump card, and I'd almost blown it in the first five minutes of being in this universe.
Then a notification appeared.
[Feat Achieved! Infiltrate Guardians of the Globe base through dumb luck]
[Reward: +1 Gold Random Gacha Ticket]
'Well, that's nice,' I thought, and honestly, that notification did more to calm my internal panic than anything else. At least I was getting rewarded for almost dying.
The heroes rounded around me; the same heroes I'd only seen in the first episode of the show before they got brutally slaughtered. But standing here, surrounded by them, I realized they weren't just animated characters anymore. They were real, top-tier heroes of this world. And I was some asshole who'd portalled into their secret base.
The tension in the room was thick enough to cut. Every hero had shifted into combat stance without even thinking about it. It was clear this wasn't their first rodeo.
Aquarus stayed back near the wall, looking distinctly uncomfortable being this far from water. His blue scales caught the light, and I could see the webbing between his fingers flexing nervously.
The Immortal stood front and center, arms crossed, that shit-eating grim expression on his face like he'd seen this song and dance a thousand times before. Probably had, considering he was thousands of years old.
War Woman had her mace ready, the mystical weapon crackling with Zeus's power. I remembered from the wiki that she was basically Wonder Woman with a mace instead of a lasso.
Darkwing pulled out what looked like a scanner with a holographic screen and started scanning me. Batman knock-off with copy of his tech to the boot.
Red Rush just fidgeted around me, vibrating with barely contained energy, moving too fast for me to track even as I mentally slotted Impulse into my second ability slot. The Russian speedster was a blur of red.
Green Ghost II floated above us, keeping watch from her aerial position. 'Britney, was it?' The new one who'd gotten her powers from swallowing an amulet.
Darkwing's device beeped red.
"Results are negative," he announced, his voice gravelly like he'd been smoking since he was a teenager. "He's not in any record on the entire planet. No birth certificate, social security, passport. Not even in the underworld records."
Red Rush suddenly blurred, and the next second he was back, standing still for maybe half a heartbeat. "Just frisked him. Nothing on him except an expensive suit that looks like he stole it off a runway. No weapons or even ID."
"Hey that's sexual harassment!" I showed my displease.
War Woman actually chuckled. "Now, now, he could've been the model from the looks of it."
The Immortal raised his voice, cutting through the banter. "Focus, War Woman. We have an unknown individual in our base without tripping a single alarm. Not to mention the signal Darkwing sent us all."
Darkwing looked shocked. "I wasn't the one who sent the signal. I thought YOU did, Immortal."
Suppressed panic flooded through them. I could see it in their body language - the sudden tension and the way they shifted into defensive positions.
The assembled heroes each held the same bewildered expression, which had begun to twist worse with their rising panic.
It was the kind of look you'd see on someone who was on a winning streak, and now we're suddenly dealt the worst cards.
And I knew exactly what was happening.
This was the setup from Omni-Man. The moment before everything went to hell.
"Yeah, fuck this..." I muttered, remembering this was the pilot episode where these heroes got butchered by a single Viltrumite.
I needed an edge. Anything before Omni-Man showed up and turned this room into a slaughterhouse.
So I tore my Gold ticket mentally.
The gacha spun was music to my ears.
[No Enemies]
|Elite Trait|
"You really don't" Everyone you meet has a good impression of you, even evil dictators, violent murderers or mindless beasts have a decent liking of you as soon as they get to know about you. Only works on named characters.
The moment the trait activated, I felt it. Like a switch flipping in reality itself.
'Alright, now this I can use.'
"HEY! HEY YOU! YEAH, YOU DISCOUNT JUSTICE LEAGUE! FUCKING LISTEN TO ME!"
They all stopped mid-discussion and centered their focus on me.
The weight of their collective attention hit like a physical force.
The Immortal's voice boomed. "Was it you who sent the sig—"
"SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME, LINCOLN!" I yelled to cut him off. "We don't have time for your fucking ego trip! Someone is coming to kill ALL of you, and now I'm an accidental sacrificial lamb!"
I expected resistance. Expected them to threaten me to shut up and call me crazy.
But they were silent.
War Woman spoke first, her voice urgent. "What are you waiting for? Who threatens us? Quickly!"
'Holy shit, this trait is too OP,' I thought. They actually believed I wasn't a threat and wanted to hear me out. Like I hadn't randomly teleported into their hideout with their detection tech being none the wiser.
"Nolan Grayson!" I said quickly. "He's the one who sent the signal to bring you all to one place! Omni-Man is—"
Green Ghost II was the first to argue. "That's impossible! Omni-Man has served Earth for nearly twenty years! He's saved thousands of lives!"
Right, she was a new hero who grew up watching Omni-Man's heroics on TV. Of course, she wouldn't believe a stranger.
The others joined in her defense. Even the Immortal, who I knew wasn't Omni-Man's biggest fan, had fought alongside him too many times to believe this easily.
"This is a trap," the Immortal declared, pointing at me. "He's trying to divide us."
But Darkwing was silent between the chatter, his detective mind working. "It doesn't matter who sent the signal now. Our priority is vigilance. Cecil needs to know about this breach."
As he pressed a button on his device, my minimap lit up with a single massive red dot traveling at breakneck speed, heading directly for this room.
My blood turned to ice.
"FUCK! Hey, Martian, let go of me! He's here! He's—"
Before I could finish, the world exploded.
The wall detonated inward as concrete and steel turned to shrapnel that filled the air like bullets. The shockwave hit me like a physical thing, lifting me off my feet.
I slammed into the wall with Martian Man coming along for the ride because he was still holding me. The impact knocked the wind out of my lungs, and for a second, I couldn't breathe or see.
When my vision cleared, I saw Red Rush was a blur, running around the room at speed I couldn't hope to track, shifting the Guardians' positions, pushing them out of the way of attacks I couldn't even see yet.
And then there he was.
In Red and white costume, with that iconic mustache and gray temples. A spitting image of J.K. Simmons but younger, buffer, and one mean-looking motherfucker.
Omni-Man.
Nolan Grayson.
[Image Here]
The Viltrumite who was about to murder every single person in this room. Including me, seeing as he wouldn't want any witnesses.
But to my surprise, none of the Guardians were dead yet. They were dodging, fighting back, coordinating. My warning had given them a split-second advantage, just enough to not be completely blindsided.
Martian Man unwrapped his arm from around me and joined the fight, his body stretching and morphing as he tried to restrain Omni-Man.
Fuck this I need to get OUT.
I activated Impulse, feeling my neurons fire faster and my perception sharpening. The world slowed down just enough to see Red Rush moving in bursts instead of being completely invisible and roughly track Omni-Man's movements as he deflected War Woman's mace.
I begin ordering in my mind, 'Nakime! Extract me before—'
Suddenly, I saw Omni-Man's eyes focus on me as I saw curiosity and unintended focus in them.
Even after he was being strangled by the sudden attack from Martian Man, his eyes still followed my movements.
It wasn't until Green Ghost's surprise liver punch that he finally let go of his focus on me and shifted it toward the guardians.
'Finally, that predator took his eyes off me.' I sighed in momentary relief.
'Now. Nakime to open the gate and take me out of here!'
I heard the Biwa pluck, the floor beneath me shifting to materialize my only way out. But because my luck is damn abysmal, Nolan immediately caught sight of me. I watched the Martian be flung directly at me with the aided assist of Impulse.
"Fuck!" I screamed, scrambling away as the half materialized Portal dissipated below me..
Ghost arrived in the nick of time to save her mentor from certain death or serious injury.
Shit. Omni-Man and most of the Guardians had superspeed. If I opened a portal behind me, they could follow me in, find the Infinity Castle, and compromise my only safe space.
Fuck that. I need to find an opportunity. I can't just recklessly give them access to my safe haven.
I mentally swapped Minimap out of one ability slot and put Call to Arms in.
'RNGesus, please bless your child for just one more. My lord. PLEASE.'
I pulled from the newly upgraded Silver pool.
Silver light materialized in front of me, and my new familiar appeared:
[Holy Cow]
|Common Familiar|
"Holy Cow!" Is a Holy Cow, quite literally, a large, healthy female cow that always lactates and can be milked for 10 and up to 50 liters of milk per day, depending on how well fed she is. Thanks to her holy origins, the milk she produces is truly extraordinary, having great health benefits, nutrient-dense, and of incredible quality compared to mundane milk. It can also function as low-quality holy water against unholy. Any children she has will mostly inherit her incredible genes and holy blessing.
I stared at the thing my summon just spawned.
A cow! Not some ancient beast, not even a celestial spirit. Just a plain, slack-eyed cow standing there like she had all the time in the world, dressed in ridiculous ceremonial garb: a stiff white cloth draped over her back, a tall yet absurd hat perched between her ears like a mockery of a priest's mitre, and two long red sashes hanging from its neck.
The animal just blinked at me slowly, chewing cud.
"Holy FUCKING cow!"
[Image Here]
[A/N]: Support my work and get early access to 20+ chapters, exclusive content, and bonus material at my P@treon - Max_Striker.
If you wanna hang out, join my Discord server- https://discord.gg/XxGEYk2PM5