Being alone was comfortable. I didn't have to worry about anyone else or try to match someone else's mood.
I only had to think about myself and my own feelings.
But whenever I saw others gathering together and chatting happily, for some reason I wanted to join them.
While I could feel peace by only caring about myself, it was difficult to feel joy that way. Seeing others laughing happily made me want to experience those feelings too.
When was the last time I had friends?
The moment I graduated school and stepped into society, friends disappeared from my life.
It was natural, I suppose. When time to keep in touch decreases and opportunities to meet dwindle, friendships inevitably fade away.
If this were a workplace, I could just do my job and leave regardless of what others were talking about.
But this place wasn't a workplace—it was the Academy.
Everyone here was a student called a Cadet, and casual chatter about random topics was the norm rather than work-related conversations.
Perhaps that's why I felt envious watching them, wishing I could be part of their group.
But there was no place for me.
No one approached me, the one who ranked second-to-last in both studies and training.
Being a loner in class meant I had no place in the cafeteria either.
Though the entire student body ate there, it wasn't built large enough for everyone to sit comfortably at once.
As someone who sat alone, I was essentially an unwelcome guest taking up space meant for groups.
So I eventually had to find my own place.
Being alone was fine, but ending up in this situation was just pathetic.
Even I thought it was miserable beyond words.
Even in this remote restroom, people still came in occasionally.
Since it was the women's restroom, it seemed people came to fix their makeup more often than to use the toilet.
Fortunately, since they weren't coming to use the toilet, they wouldn't know I was eating my lunch locked in the last stall.
That was truly a blessing.
"*Sniff*."
Today I felt particularly gloomy.
I had thought I might eat in the cafeteria today, believing I'd made a friend, but that wasn't the case, and it left me feeling somewhat dejected.
As I carefully ate, trying not to make noise, I could hear the voices of girls who came in and out.
My heart would pound with surprise each time, but of course, no one would think to look for someone eating lunch in here, so no one came searching for me.
Gulp. As I swallowed, my expression went blank.
I had thought knowing the future would help me adapt flexibly, but realizing that wasn't the case left me feeling dazed.
If my position had been even slightly higher...
If I had average grades that made people listen to me, would they have paid attention to what I had to say?
But I wasn't good at studying.
I could read and converse, but the studies here were too difficult.
I had to memorize history completely different from what I knew, and what they called common sense was something I could only gauge from novels I'd read.
Even worse, my abilities were terrible, so scoring points in practical exams was impossible.
I was truly alone.
It seemed like I couldn't stop anything by myself, yet I was alone.
Was there anything I could do on my own...?
I had thought knowing the future and acting in advance would be like having a cheat code, but I felt no such advantage—only an overwhelming sense of helplessness.
What good would it do to make friends to eat with?
It would only make my situation and mood slightly better.
With these thoughts, I tossed my empty milk carton into the trash bin for another day.
*
Today's afternoon class focused on using our abilities and magic.
Everyone had their own innate ability they could uniquely operate, as well as magic they could use despite not being born with it.
Either you were born with an ability, or you covered for it with magic.
This class was about determining whether that was possible and if it could be used in actual combat.
"Today's lesson is about calculating the limits of your abilities. In front of you are prepared dummies, and we'll be testing how much damage you can inflict on them."
A flat, dry space stretched before us.
Beyond the concrete area stood five stone figures called dummies.
With twenty-five students in the class, it seemed the teacher planned to finish in five rounds.
"There are ways to increase power, and ways to attack weaknesses. High firepower isn't always necessary. So I'll be scoring each approach."
The teacher waved her pen toward the students.
"Shall we begin?"
At those words, five students rushed forward.
They each took positions at the line where the dummies stood and looked ahead.
Perhaps to simulate a situation where close combat wasn't possible, there was some distance between them and the targets, but the Cadets didn't seem particularly concerned about that as they summoned their best powers.
Some breathed fire, others shot water bullets.
One who could manipulate wind sighed deeply, knowing this test wasn't ideal for them, before deploying their magic.
There was even someone who simply ran up quickly and punched the dummy.
"Oh my, no ranged attacks?"
"Ah, sorry... I'm only good at hitting things."
"I see."
The Cadet passed by with an embarrassed expression.
The dummies cracked, and in the worst cases, were half-destroyed.
The teacher seemed pleased with this, humming as she brought out new dummies.
"Good. Please continue. Everyone's doing well."
As she called out the order, my turn came absolutely last.
I ended up standing in line with Yoon Ha-min and Orca.
How did it come to this?
I was originally at the bottom of the class, and having no friends meant I never eagerly stepped forward for anything.
Being at the back was my daily routine, but for some reason, Ha-min and Orca were also standing in the back row today.
The moment passed so quickly that I couldn't remember why, but it made me feel somewhat depressed.
"I'll begin."
With those words, everyone released their power.
Orca was a child of the earth, beloved by spirits.
As she narrowed her eyes and gestured, the dummy in her lane trembled.
With a crack, it shattered from bottom to top, scattering into pieces, earning cheers from the watching students.
"She completely destroyed it! As expected!"
"Wow."
Most responses were exclamations of admiration, but with about twenty people, it became quite noisy.
Soon after, their expectant gazes shifted to Ha-min.
I should have quickly done my part and finished, but I was standing there awkwardly, unable to even crack my dummy.
Can I just go back? What if it looks like I'm being defiant?
I had tried once when Orca was destroying her dummy, but my ability couldn't even reach the target.
Unlike that other guy, I couldn't even approach and hit it.
While I was wondering what to do, light gathered in Ha-min's hand.
As everyone watched blankly, a straight line extended from his hand.
The line pierced what could be called the dummy's weak point—its head—and it immediately exploded.
"...Amazing. As expected of the Top Rank! Hitting the weak point and causing an explosion...!"
The teacher applauded while glancing around at the other students.
The two who would have been praised for excellence if paired with other students looked somewhat disappointed.
After all, they had only managed to half-split their dummies while others had completely pulverized theirs or left no trace.
The problem was me.
The four others had finished their turns and were returning to their seats, while I alone stood awkwardly, unable to make even a scratch on my dummy.
"Kanna? Haven't you tried yet?"
"...Ah, um, yes."
I answered reflexively.
Perhaps I was too embarrassed that I couldn't even make a scratch while everyone else had tried their best.
"You can do it when you're ready."
The teacher said this kindly, but the students behind me had already started chatting as if everything was over.
It is over, I suppose. I'm already determined to be at the bottom anyway.
I already tried once earlier and failed.
I stretched out my hand.
I frowned and strained, wondering if this was how to use it.
But all that came out was a slight streak of light.
Too small to be lightning, too small even to be electricity.
It could fairly be called just static electricity.
The tingling sensation at my fingertips left me feeling bitter.
As I used my ability alone, the teacher, who couldn't have missed that momentary flash, simply nodded.
"...If you're not feeling well, you can try again next time."
The teacher was being considerate.
The teacher was kind, but both I and the students behind me already knew.
It was impossible not to know.
As I turned away with slumped shoulders, I lowered my head at the subtle looks I received.
I wanted to dismiss it with thoughts like "This isn't even the real me, so whatever." But since I was the one receiving those looks, it was unavoidably painful.
Kanna Aurora.
I never paid attention to her in the story since her inner thoughts were never revealed, but now I couldn't understand how she had continued to fill this position with whatever emotions she had.
Was it because no one took her side?
With no allies either inside or outside the Academy, was she trying to find a way forward after graduation?
I could feel my heart wearing thin.
I could probably endure if I tried, but I was struggling so much that by the time it mattered, I feared I would be completely worn out.