I clutched the hard drive to my chest, holding onto it like it was my baby.
It was.
But… did I really deserve it?
On our way back home, Brian was walking in front of me, somehow looking stronger, bigger, and more mature.
My eyes, already all puffy from crying so much, couldn't help but keep looking at the visible tan mark on his wrist.
When Brian came back and settled the repair fee, which ended up being $140, far more than what we could afford, I was petrified to see my younger brother hand that much cash over the counter just to save my hard drive—without even knowing or asking what was in it and if it might really be worth it.
"Where did you get the money… Brian?" I asked him, my voice trembling.
"Somewhere."
"How?!"
"Just let it be, Bree."
That's what he said back then. In my wild imagination, for a moment, I pictured him robbing a shop or something to get that much cash so quickly.
It was only when I saw a pawnshop across the street after leaving the McRepair that dread crept up from deep inside my heart.
It was when I confronted him and he avoided my question again that I knew something was off.
And it was when I grabbed onto his wrist, trying to twist an answer out of him, that I realized his watch was missing.
"Brian, you…"
He looked away and said, "Don't worry about it. We needed some money anyway. Mom hasn't been working for a while and we are broke. I would have had to do it sooner or later."
"But it was from Dad, Brian!"
"It doesn't matter. Food now is more important than a souvenir from the past."
"But… it was from Dad…"
"Let it go."
That's all he said before he turned and paced away.
I felt miserable.
Maybe he was right.
Maybe, eventually and inevitably, we would have come to this point anyway.
But it didn't have to be today and it didn't have to be for me.
Back in my room, Brian set up my PC. He brought in the living room TV, which I'm sure was going to trigger Mom later, so I can use it as a monitor for now. He gave me a thumbs up after checking that everything was working again, but all I could give was a nod of gratitude. Once he left, Senne emerged from the shadows and said,
"Now we are ready for today's stream. Let's do our best."
The cheerfulness in her voice pissed me off.
"FUCK YOU!"
"Huh?"
"FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID MORON!"
"What did I do?!"
"You and your damn, disgusting shit! I don't care whether you get your power back or not! I don't care how many viewers I get! I. Just. Don't. CARE ANYMORE!"
I pulled the blanket over my face and started to sob.
Senne said nothing. She probably couldn't understand even if I explained.
To hell with this devil. She'd been no help at all since she turned up. And when it looked like she might actually be able to do something, all it did was destroy things.
"Bree."
I heard her whisper but I wasn't interested in talking.
"Bree."
"Shut up."
"I'm sorry."
"You don't even know what you are sorry for!"
I pulled my head out of the blanket, shouted, and rolled myself back in it.
"I… don't know what I did… but if it made you become like this, I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
Her obliviousness triggered me again.
"Won't do it again? It's because of your stupid POWER! That's all you care about! You are just using me to get your stupid power back!"
"Is it… because I damaged your stuff?"
I knew deep down it wasn't Senne's fault.
I knew deep down it wasn't only because of my selfish demand to save my hard drive.
It was all because I was incompetent.
I graduated a year ago yet found no job. What little money we had, I spent it on buying the gear for streaming. I had a dream that I shouldn't have had. Everybody suffered because of me. And even if all that was okay, if I hadn't been so blinded as to accept Senne in my life we may not have reached this low point.
"Look here, Bree."
I didn't want to look.
"Look, please. Please have a look," Senne pleaded.
Without expecting anything but more fuel to add to my anger—maybe I was looking for it—I looked.
"What is that…?"
Senne was making a black flame burn on her fingertip as she held her left index finger before my face.
"And look at this."
The flame on her face flickered once, and with that, the flame on her finger detached itself and rose into the air, hovering for a few seconds before it fizzed out.
"Well, it's a small start. But something's coming back," Senne said, scratching the back of her head.
"Interesting."
"Eh? That's all you can say?"
Senne protested as I lay back on my bed.