Days passed, but nothing really changed.
I still saw her every day.
From a distance… like always.
And even now, we were still not friends.
But there was one thing that made everything different.
I already knew she had a boyfriend.
I don't remember exactly when I found out.
Maybe I heard it from someone…
Or maybe I just understood it by watching her.
The way she smiled at him…
The way she talked…
The way she looked comfortable around him.
It was obvious.
And still… I couldn't stop myself.
I tried to ignore it at first.
I told myself, "It doesn't matter."
But it did.
Every single day, it did.
During lunch break, I would sit with my friends, pretending to listen to their conversations.
Laughing when they laughed.
Acting normal.
But my eyes…
They were always looking for her.
And most of the time, I found her with him.
Sometimes they were just talking.
Sometimes they were walking together.
Nothing special.
Nothing dramatic.
But for me… it was enough to make my chest feel heavy.
I didn't hate him.
I didn't even know him properly.
But I hated the fact that he could stand next to her…
So easily.
Something I couldn't do.
One day, I saw them sitting together after school.
The ground was almost empty.
The sun was slowly setting, and everything felt quiet.
I was about to leave when I noticed them.
I stopped walking.
I don't know why… but I stayed there, hidden behind a wall, just watching them.
They were laughing about something.
She looked happy.
Really happy.
And in that moment…
I realized something I didn't want to accept.
She didn't need me.
Not even a little.
I was just someone in the background of her life.
Someone she probably never even noticed.
I smiled a little, but it didn't feel real.
"What am I even doing?" I whispered to myself.
This wasn't right.
Loving someone who already belongs to someone else…
It only leads to one thing.
Pain.
I knew it from the beginning.
Still, I didn't stop.
Maybe because a part of me still hoped…
Even if it was impossible.
The next day at school, I decided to try something different.
I told myself I wouldn't look at her.
I wouldn't think about her.
I would just focus on my own life.
But it didn't last long.
The moment she entered the classroom corridor…
My eyes automatically turned towards her.
I quickly looked away, annoyed at myself.
"Why can't I just stop?"
It was frustrating.
I knew the truth.
I knew my place.
And yet…
My heart refused to listen.
Later that day, for a brief moment, our eyes met.
It was just for a second.
But it felt longer.
She didn't say anything.
She didn't react.
She just looked away… like it was nothing.
And maybe for her, it really was nothing.
But for me…
It stayed in my mind the whole day.
That one second.
I started to wonder…
"What if things were different?"
What if I met her before him?
What if I had the courage to talk to her earlier?
What if…
But deep down, I knew these questions had no meaning.
Reality doesn't change just because we want it to.
She had someone.
And I had nothing but my feelings.
That evening, while walking home, I looked at the sky.
It was getting darker, just like my thoughts.
I took a deep breath and said to myself,
"This has to stop."
But even as I said it…
I knew I was lying.
Because no matter how much I tried…
I couldn't stop loving her.