After that day, I made a decision.
I told myself I had to stop.
Stop looking at her.
Stop thinking about her.
Stop feeling something that was never meant to be mine.
It sounded simple in my mind.
But reality… was different.
The next morning, I went to school like usual.
I tried to act normal, like nothing mattered anymore.
"It's over," I kept telling myself.
But the moment I entered the school gate…
My eyes started searching for her again.
I quickly looked away, frustrated.
"Why can't I just stop?"
I walked faster towards my classroom, trying to ignore everything around me.
During class, I focused on my books more than ever.
I wrote notes, listened to the teacher, and avoided looking outside.
For the first time, I was actually trying.
Trying to move on.
And for a few hours… it worked.
I didn't think about her.
I didn't look for her.
It felt… peaceful.
But that peace didn't last long.
During the break, as I stepped out of the classroom, I saw her again.
She was standing there… just a few steps away.
Laughing with her friends.
And just like that…
Everything I tried to control disappeared.
My heart reacted before my mind could stop it.
I looked at her.
Just for a second…
But that second was enough.
All those feelings came back again.
Stronger than before.
I quickly turned away and walked in the opposite direction.
"This is stupid," I said to myself.
I already knew the truth.
I already knew nothing would change.
Then why was it so hard to let go?
That day, I avoided every place where I thought I might see her.
The corridor…
The stairs…
Even the ground after school.
It felt like I was running away.
Not from her…
But from my own feelings.
Days passed like this.
I stopped looking at her directly.
I stopped waiting for her.
But I didn't stop thinking about her.
Not even for a moment.
At night, when everything was quiet, my thoughts became louder.
I would remember her smile…
Her voice…
That small "thank you"…
And I would just lie there, staring at the ceiling.
"Why her?"
I never had an answer.
Maybe it wasn't about "why."
Maybe it just happened.
One day, while walking home, I saw her again.
She was with him.
Walking side by side.
Talking like nothing else mattered.
I stopped for a moment… then looked away.
This time, I didn't feel shocked.
I didn't feel confused.
I just felt… tired.
Tired of hoping.
Tired of pretending I was okay.
But even then…
I couldn't hate her.
I couldn't blame her.
Because she never did anything wrong.
She didn't know about my feelings.
And maybe…
She never would.
I took a deep breath and continued walking.
"I'll forget her," I whispered.
But deep inside…
I knew the truth.
I wasn't forgetting her.
I was just learning how to live with it.