Zed had his hands full of warm soft ass and he was pounding away like the world was ending today.
The girl under him in that cheap motel bed kept gasping and clawing at his back so he figured she was into it too.
"Come on baby keep squeezing like that," he panted right in her ear.
"I'm about to blow my load so hard you'll feel it in your throat."
The door exploded open and his boss, the Mafia Don, Marco filled the doorway with a face like murder.
"What the fuck Zed!"
The girl screamed and shoved him off so hard he tumbled naked onto the floor.
"Marco babe it's not what it looks like!" His wife yelled while she tried to cover herself with the sheet.
Zed scrambled for his pants and tripped because they were still around his ankles.
"Boss, listen, she came onto me first and I was just being a gentleman about it!"
"You've been skimming my books for months and now you're balls deep in my wife?" Marco's voice cracked with rage and he raised the gun.
Zed hopped toward the window. "Technically she said you were out of town till Friday so I thought it was fine!"
The gunshot hit him square in the back and he slammed into the carpet with blood filling his mouth.
"Son of a bitch," he wheezed. "Dying with a hard-on"
Then darkness swallowed everything with nothing but his own thoughts for company.
Zed floated there feeling every bit the idiot he was.
"Well shit," he muttered. "That sucked ass."
A bright light punched through the void and a woman appeared.
Silver hair, glowing skin, and a body that looked like it had been sculpted by someone with excellent taste in tits.
The goddess crossed her arms and stared down at him like he was a cockroach she just stepped on.
"Well well. Another worthless soul," she said.
Zed grinned wide. "Hey there, gorgeous. Those are some seriously nice—"
He reached both hands straight for her chest.
Golden lightning slammed into his crotch so hard his nonexistent balls tried to climb back inside his body.
"GAHHH! What the hell lady?!"
The goddess didn't even blink.
"You never learn, do you? I was going to give you a decent reincarnation. But after that little stunt you get reborn as a beggar in a new world. No powers, no cheat skills, just the miserable existence you deserve."
"Wait wait wait!" Zed yelled. "I can explain! It was an accident! My hands slipped!"
She smiled. "Enjoy poverty, pervert."
White light swallowed him whole and spat him out naked in an alley full of trash and rotting fish.
"God damn it," he groaned, picking a banana peel off his ass.
Being a beggar sucked.
But being a smart beggar who could lie through his teeth? That was different.
Zed spent six months begging and lying his way into the Iron Fangs mercenary crew.
Another six months and he was the boss's right hand man because scamming people came natural to him.
The pay was decent, the food was hot and the barmaids let him grab whatever he wanted after a few drinks.
Then he met the boss's wife.
She cornered him in the supply tent one night and started unbuckling his belt before he could even say hello.
"You sure your husband won't walk in?" Zed asked while he already had his hands under her skirt.
"He never checks on me," she breathed and pushed him down onto a crate. "Just shut up and fuck me already."
Zed grinned and thrust up into her hard. "That's what I like to hear. Ride it like you mean it baby."
The tent flap ripped open mid-thrust.
The boss stood there sword already out.
"You have got to be shitting me," Zed said.
The blade went straight through his chest before he could pull out.
The second death felt even stupider than the first.
Back in the void again.
Centuries of pure black nothing stretched out forever.
Zed floated and talked to himself because there was nobody else.
"Alright that's it," he muttered after the first hundred years.
"No more women, no more scams. I'm turning over a new leaf. I'll become a monk or whatever they have in fantasy worlds, just quiet meditation and no more dying over pussy."
He kept repeating it to himself like a mantra.
Monk life.
Peace.
No tits.
No ass.
No trouble.
A portal tore open and light spilled in.
A girl stepped through, well a demon girl.
Purple hair fell down her back in soft waves and two small black horns but everything else looked completely human.
Smooth skin, full lips and a body that filled out her tight dress in all the right places.
She stared right at him with big bright eyes.
"Are you the legendary noble hero?" she asked and her voice sounded sweet enough to melt steel.
"The one prophesied to civilize our wild lands and teach at the academy?"
Zed opened his mouth to say no because monk life was the plan.
Then she stepped closer and pressed those soft heavy tits right against his chest.
She rubbed them slowly side to side and looked up at him with the cutest pout he had ever seen.
"Please say yes," she whispered. "I need you so badly my lord."
Zed felt warm blood drip from his nose even though he technically had no body.
Centuries of monk talk vanished in a single heartbeat and his brain screamed that this was the dumbest idea he had ever agreed to.
'Damn it I was doing so good with the monk thing and then those tits happened.'
"Hell yes that's me," he blurted. "I'm your legendary noble hero one hundred percent."
The girl's face lit up and she hugged him tighter so her breasts squished even harder against him.
"Wonderful!" she squealed. "The demon academy has been waiting for you Master Noble. All the girls are so excited for their first lesson!"
Zed's inner voice kept yelling what the fuck did you just do but his mouth was already moving.
"Lead the way baby," he said. "I'll teach you whatever you want."