In many cases, there is no noise when making choices.
At times, they arrive silently - but either way, they will influence the outcome.
Loid Ainsworth had never experienced such silence in the library.
Books lined up on rows and rows of shelves like endless conversations... that no one had had for a long time. Other students were in their own distant worlds at tables, not really communicating either.
Loid sat in one of the far back corners.
Notebook open.
Pen in hand.
Staying still.
Not so much because he couldn't figure out what to write.
More because for just this moment, he was thinking about everything.
Not just school.
Not just Charlotte.
But Loid.
"...If I'm behind already, I don't want to waste any time."
His words from earlier came vividly back to him.
At that time, they seemed simple.
Now, however, they had more weight and a greater reality.
"Are you going to write your life down in a new way? Or are you just staring at the page?" Jay said, and Loid did not look up.
Jay dropped down in a chair across from Loid.
"You've been doing a lot of thinking lately."
Loid finally looked at Jay. "Is that bad?" Jay shrugged. "Depends. Thinking is good. Overthinking is not."
Loid was silent, and then said, "I'm behind."
Jay was not joking at this time.
'Yeah,' he said admittingly.
Loid nodded.
'I can't speak like you. I cannot lead like she does. When anyone looks at me, I freeze.'
Jay leaned back in his seat and analyzed his profile.
'So?'
'So I'm going to fix that,' Loid said with no hesitation.
No uncertainty at all.
Jay smirked and asked, 'Then what is your plan?'
Loid looked down at a notebook and for the first time, wrote.
Not something random, but a plan for writing.
First, he said softly, 'I will stop avoiding things that I am not good at.'
Jay raised an eyebrow.
'Next, I'm going to improve on my foundational skills with studying, communicating and thinking clearly.'
'And last?'
Loid paused for a moment and looked around before locking his gaze onto Jay's.
'To remain consistent.'
Jay blinked and chuckled softly at his answer.
'So, you are actually serious?'
His tone was matter-of-factly with no flair or enthusiasm.
Simply trust me.
And yet—
that made it all the more believable.
Jay leaned forward just a little.
"Okay," he said. "So how about we make it a little more fun?"
Loid looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"
Jay replied, "You don't fix your social skills sitting in the back of the room; you fix them by screwing up in front of other people."
Loid said nothing.
He was, however, definitely listening.
Jay went on, "So starting tomorrow, you will have conversations. With people. Doesn't matter who."
Loid's pen grip tightened a bit.
"It won't be easy."
"Exactly," Jay replied. "That's the point."
The silence between them lengthened.
Eventually Loid gave a nod.
"…Okay."
Jay's face lit up with a grin.
"Excellent. What about school work?"
Loid sighed.
"I'll speak with Julian."
"Now that is a smart idea," Jay said.
Loid turned back toward his notebook.
He had three simple ideas.
1. Do not avoid anything.
2. Work on the fundamentals.
3. Be consistent in everything.
The three points appeared unimposing and lack any "wow factor."
In reality, they were real.
And real things—
stay.
The library door opened quietly from afar.
Several pupils stepped inside.
Among them—
Charlotte Vale.
Loid saw her instantly.
He didn't have to look; he just did.
She strolled right pass him and head straight for the stacks.
No crowds to navigate through either.
No attention, just being present with calm.
Loid watched for a short time
without hesitation or distance,
and this time his watching contained a new kind of clarity.
Jay followed Loid's line of sight and then looked back at him.
"…Still the goal?"
Loid single shook his head.
"No."
Jay blinked. "What?"
Loid's eyes were steady.
"She is not my goal."
Long pause.
"She is the reason I began."
Jay looked at Loid for a full second before hesitantly smiling.
"…Yes. You have changed."
Loid did not say anything because maybe he had changed.
Not entirely.
Not near enough, but he had changed sufficiently to begin.
That was all he required at this moment.