Change can be difficult to adapt to. This was the case for Loid Ainsworth, who had to get through a whole new experience with nothing changed in his life when he entered the classroom the next day. The only change was how he felt about the situation, which made it much harder for him to adapt to the situation.
"Alright, today is the day," said Jay as he leaned over the desk toward Loid.
"I know," Loid replied without looking at him.
"Okay, let's go," Jay said, and gave him a push.
Easy enough.
Loid's eyes scanned the room.
Groups of people were forming.
People were talking and conversing naturally as always.
And there was Loid.
Standing at the edge of it all.
"You can do it," Jay reminded him.
Loid took a deep breath.
He stood up finally.
Step one—
His legs felt like they were made of lead.
Step two—
Over analyzing every possible outcome his brain could come up with.
Step three—
"Hey," he said before he could help himself.
A boy at the next desk turned to him.
"Yeah?" the boy asked as if nothing unusual was happening.
Loid froze in disbelief.
Noah noticed Loid staring for a moment before he finally managed to say, "Um, did you get yesterday's assignment?"
It didn't come out smooth or with a lot of confidence, but at least he didn't stay silent.
Noah shrugged, "Uh, I dunno, kinda. Why?"
Loid nodded, "Me too."
There was a brief pause that felt awkward until Noah finally turned back.
Conversation over.
Loid looked back down for a second.
Then slowly sat down again.
Jay was staring at him from across the room.
"Wow, that was painful to watch."
Loid exhaled heavily. "I know."
"But you actually did it," Jay said.
Loid looked up at him.
"That's step one," he said with a smile.
Seems like not much progress was made.
But he knew it was indeed progress.
Even if it didn't feel like it.
Class continued.
Next time.
He ended up raising his hand to answer a question.
He hesitated before raising his hand.
He always hesitates.
But when the time came- his hand went up.
Not fast.
Not confidently.
But it went up.
Mr. Harrison called on him first.
"What's your answer, Loid?"
Every eye turned to Loid.
That pressure came back again.
But this time.
Loid did not freeze completely.
He spoke.
"I think the answer is C."
Long pause.
Finally, the teacher said, "Correct."
Something shifted slightly.
No cheering.
No clapping.
But no decrees neither.
Basically, it was neutral.But both Loid and Jay agreed for now was enough.
Charlotte, from the front of the class—
Charlotte turned and looked back.
Only for no more than the moment she took to look back; not long enough however, for anyone to catch.
Including Loid, but only because he didn't look away from Charlotte immediately. Not for a moment. Not until she looked back forward again at the front of the class like nothing at all had just happened.
But something had happened.
Although small.
After class—
Loid was not in a hurry to leave class or the school.
He stayed behind.
To wait.
Not for Charlotte.
But for Julian Cross
The number-one student (top per centile ranked) student.
The student who has never been confused.
Julian was always very calm while he packed his books.
"Julian."
Julian lifted his head and made eye contact.
"…Yeah?"
Loid stalled for some reason.
Then—
"Will you please help me study?"
Flat-out (no niceties).
Nothing but forthright.
Julian continued to look at Loid.
Not in judgement.
But by observing.
"…You're serious?"
"Yes."
A brief pause.
Then Julian nodded and replied;
"Okay."
Then that was it.
There was no drift or hesitation—the answer had no additional: reaction to the request, nor had there been time for it.
Loid felt empty, inside. He had no confidence.
Not yet, but going in the right direction, Jay stood back beside him.
"…You're moving quickly."
Loid shook his head a little.
"No."
A moment later
"Just finally moving."
He smiled at Jay.
"…Yeah, I see that!"
As they left for home, Loid didn't look at Charlotte;
Not because he couldn't help himself,
But for the first time, she wasn't his focus;
He was.
That was different.
Maybe that was where everything really started.