Before I could take a single step out of my designated, stench-ridden starting alley, a very crucial piece of data occurred to me.
The world map had shown five massive kingdoms. If I had been dropped into one of the four aggressor nations, my first step would have to involve a lot of illegal border crossing.
"Hey, Siri—I mean, System," I muttered, scratching at a particularly itchy patch of dirt behind my ear.
"Which kingdom am I actually in right now?"
[Ding! Current Location: The Capital City of the Yang Kingdom! You are right in the heart of the Golden Center, Host! (•◡•) /]
I let out a sigh of relief that was quickly cut short by a coughing fit because the air in this alley was roughly 40% pulverized dust.
Well, at least my luck wasn't *completely* subterranean. I was already at ground zero for my primary mission. I didn't have to hike across a mountain range in these structural hazard rags.
But then, the sheer scale of what I was being asked to do caught up with my brain.
Save a kingdom? Stop a four-nation geopolitical conspiracy? I was a corporate middle-manager in my past life!
My greatest tactical achievement was convincing the accounting department to approve a budget for premium coffee pods!
"Listen here, System," I said, adopting my most reasonable, negotiation-ready corporate voice.
"Don't you think saving an entire empire from a multi-front military blitzkrieg is a bit much for a beginner?
This is my first day on the job! I haven't even had an orientation video or a handbook! Is there any way we can swap this out for a beginner world?
You know, something low-stakes? Like helping a small village improve their agricultural yield, or teaching a lonely young master how to smile?"
[Error 404: Beginner Worlds Not Found! ┐('～';)┌
System Protocol Clarification:
The System Management Bureau does not offer training wheels, introductory seminars, or tutorial zones. The destination world is determined entirely by the current emotional state, whims, and creative mood of the Supreme Creator at the exact moment of your soul's processing!]
I froze. "The mood... of the creator?"
[Yes! If the Creator feels dramatic, you get a war zone. If the Creator feels romantic, you get a CEO sandbox. If the Creator has a slight headache and a craving for spicy noodles, you get dropped into a chaotic, politically unstable ancient continent as a starving beggar! You just happened to time your death perfectly with a creative existential crisis! Lucky you! 🎉]
*Like what the actual, cosmic heck is their problem?!*
Did I offend some ancient deity in my past life? Did I forget to return a library book? No! I was an outstanding, tax-paying, law-abiding citizen! I lived my life doing my duty to God and my country!
I was a Boy Scout, for crying out loud! I lived by the Boy Scout Law! I was trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent!
Okay, maybe the "clean" part was currently debatable due to my external circumstances, but the point stood!
I was a good guy! And my reward for a lifetime of moral rectitude was being abducted by a rogue AI and turned into a disposable toy for an omnipotent being who probably needs to touch some cosmic grass!
Gosh, they didn't care about my soul's well-being at all. When I died, I just wanted a peaceful, eternal rest.
A nice, quiet void. Maybe a fluffy cloud and a permanent supply of iced coffee. But no, this bullshit creator and this devil of a system just *had* to ruin my retirement.
If I ever found a way to ascend to whatever higher dimension that creator inhabited, I wasn't going to ask for a reward.
I was going to give them a piece of my mind, followed promptly by a swift, energetic slap left and right. Double-slap combo. No hesitation.
=====°°°°°
The Search for the Holy Grail (A River)
"Fine," I grumbled, peeking out of the alleyway like a raccoon emerging from a dumpster.
"We'll do it your way for now. But I am not doing a single plot point until I am legally distinct from a pile of manure. System, can you at least use your fancy god-like powers to locate a river for me?"
[Calculating local geography... Ping! Mapping path to the Clear Water River, located approximately ten minutes North-West from your current position. Activating GPS navigation mode! Please follow the glowing green arrows only you can see! 🏹]
"Thank God," I muttered, genuinely relieved.
I stepped out onto the main street, trying to blend in, which was completely impossible.
The streets were bustling with people dressed in beautiful, flowing robes—hanfu, if my memory of historical dramas served me right.
The architecture was stunning: grand wooden buildings with sweeping, tiled roofs, intricate lattices, and hanging lanterns. It looked exactly like ancient China from my old world.
The citizens of the Yang Kingdom were going about their day, buying vegetables, gossiping by tea stalls, and actively creating a five-meter radius of empty space around me the moment they caught a whiff of my presence.
Mothers actively pulled their children away.
"Don't look at him, A-Bao," one woman whispered loudly.
"If you don't study hard, you'll grow up to look and smell just like that."
*Ouch. Hey, lady, I have a college degree!*
I thought, though I kept my mouth shut and focused on the glowing green arrows on the dirt road.
As I walked, System 888 kept up a steady stream of entirely unhelpful commentary in my ear.
[Left turn ahead, Host! Watch out for that puddle—oh, too late, your feet are already muddier. Fun fact: The original Xiu Liang haven't washed his hair in four years! You are currently hosting an entire ecosystem of local flora and fauna! Isn't nature beautiful? 🌿]
"If you don't shut up, I'm going to figure out how to mentally mute you," I hissed under my breath, swatting at a fly that had mistaken my head for its personal kingdom.
=====°°°°°
A Disturbance in the Force (And by Force, I Mean the Red-Light District)
I was deeply invested in my journey toward spiritual and physical purification when the ambient noise of the bustling market suddenly shifted.
The standard sounds of haggling and cart wheels were replaced by a sharp, chaotic commotion coming from one of the larger, more opulent buildings ahead.
I paused, blinking through my tangled hair.
The building in question was magnificent—three stories high, painted in vibrant shades of red and gold, with silk ribbons fluttering from the balconies and the distinct aroma of expensive perfume, wine, and roasted duck wafting through the air.
Beautifully dressed women were leaning over the balconies, holding silk handkerchiefs, though right now, their expressions weren't inviting—they looked terrified.
*Ah,* I thought, drawing on my extensive knowledge of historical web novels.
*A pleasure house. The classic red-light district of ancient times. The absolute capital of tropes, young masters acting like fools, and unnecessary drama.*
Suddenly, a loud crash echoed from the front entrance. A wooden stool flew out of the doors, shattering into splinters on the cobblestone street.
"Get back here, you little wretch! You think you can run away after breaking a jar of Master Wang's finest vintage?!" a harsh, booming voice roared from inside.
The crowd of pedestrians instantly backed away, forming a wide circle around the entrance.
As a former Boy Scout and a currently exhausted human being, my survival instincts kicked in immediately.
*Rule number one of being a penniless bystander:*
When a chaotic event occurs near a high-end establishment, you shrug your shoulders, mind your own business, and keep walking toward the river. I had a date with a bar of soap (or whatever ancient equivalent I could find), and I wasn't going to let some local tavern brawl ruin my trajectory.
I took one step forward, fully intending to leave the drama behind.
But the universe, as usual, had other plans.
[DING! 🚨 DYNAMIC SIDE MISSION TRIGGERED! 🚨]
A massive, flashing red screen materialized right in front of my face, so bright it practically blinded me.
[Side Mission: The Damsel (or Gentleman) in Distress!
Objective: Intervene and assist the victim of the current commotion in any way possible.
Failure Penalty: A very disappointed System and 0 progress.
Mission Reward: 100 Mission Points & 1x Basic Survival Item!
Do you accept the mission?
» [ YES ]
» [ NO ] ]
I froze mid-stride, my foot hovering over a patch of dirt. "What the actual heck! I haven't even started my life in this world yet! I am literally a walking biohazard! Trouble is coming at me like whiplash!"
[Host, the clock is ticking! The victim's safety rating is dropping by 5% every second! Choose wisely! (━┳━ _ ━┳━)]
"What happens if I press NO?" I demanded in a panicked whisper.
"I'm a beggar! What am I going to do, fight off armed guards with my weaponized body odor? I don't have martial arts! I don't have a golden finger yet!"
[If you choose NO, the plot will advance without you, the victim will suffer terrible consequences, and your moral compass as a former Boy Scout will be permanently compromised! Can your conscience handle that, Host?]
I looked at the flashing options. I looked at the grand, rowdy building. I listened to another loud crash from inside, followed by a sharp, pained cry that sounded like a young teenager or a young woman.
Damn it. The system knew my weakness. I wasn't a stone-hearted person. I could complain all I wanted about the creator and the cosmic injustice of my situation, but at the end of the day, I couldn't just walk away while someone was being hurt right in front of me.
"Fine! I... Yes! I accept the damn mission!" I groaned, mentally slamming the 'YES' button.
[Mission Accepted! Good luck, Host! Show them the power of a beautiful and bright bystander! ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ]
The sheer, unbothered cheerfulness in the system's voice irritated me to my absolute core.
I let out one final, long-suffering sigh, waved a temporary goodbye to my dreams of a peaceful, relaxing bath, and turned around.
It was time to play the hero. Or, more accurately, it was time to see how a filthy extra could cause enough chaos to save a life.