It is not necessary that our own people can give us happiness. In fact, every person in this world is made for each other. Even those people we don't know can give us happiness.
God does whatever He wants to do. What happened to me is proof of that. Everything I saw, everything I felt and everything I thought. It was all a game of fate. And I believe it's all for my best, that's why God did it all.
I'm still on my journey. Yes, it's strange because maybe two years ago I ended my journey. Maybe for a stranger. To someone whom I mistook for mine. For me this is like a dream, but maybe not. I can't call it a dream even if I want to. The only person knows who suffers.I know it's a bit difficult to understand but I don't want to explain it to anyone. I want to forget that any Udaina, master, cook or even a hotel came in my life. I want to forget these many memories what I made with a stranger.
To tell the truth, for the first time I miss my little family because I am calling someone a stranger. Whenever life shows something like this, we automatically miss our people. Today I miss some strangers whom I thought were my own.
These strangers had their own people. And they mistook that I had mine too. But to tell the truth, it seems as if God did not make even a single person for me. I may always be alone.Well, even if God sends someone for me, even then I will not accept him. Because I have understood that no one belongs to anyone in this world. Everyone will give you the happiness of the moment and then leave you alone as you have never met anyone. I will no longer call anyone mine. Everything in this world is a companion of time. Finally, we will be left alone.
Daughter listen! I suddenly turned around and found an old woman standing beside me. I, who had been busy talking to myself for the past half an hour, was suddenly startled.
"What is the matter, mother?" I asked the old woman who was standing behind me in a very nervous manner.
"Daughter, I am looking for my house. Don't know where did it go? That is where it was." The lady replied and after looking around, she started thinking about something.
"But mother, there are many houses here .Do you remember where you live?"I asked.
"Oh, I live very far from here. My son lives here."
"But mother, don't you live with your son?"
"Oh! Don't ask any question. Let me remember." Mother scolded me angrily.
She said angrily, so I made a face and stood a little far away. "She asked why if she is so great. Does someone talk to the little ones like that?" I was being spoken to myself.
"Oh no, my poor son. Don't know where is he?" I ran towards her when she started shouting. People around were looking at her, but no one dared to ask what has happened to her.
I was going near her and asking her to be quiet when a man signaled me to come to him.When I went near him, he said, "daughter, how are you related to her?"
"I don't know her. Why, what happened?"I asked.
"Daughter, actually the matter is that her son has shifted to London from here. We are not telling her because poor soul may die of shock."He told me.
"But why did he leave her here? I asked.
"Who asks his parents in this day and age? Leaving her and selling his house, he went to London with his family. He was the only son of her ."
"What ?"I was shocked to hear this.
"Was she not a part of her family? Who is her now? What will happen to her now? Where will she spend this critical period of her life, with whom?" I was drowned in the valley of thoughts. My eyes did not move away from her innocent face. I came to her with heavy steps.
"What happened?Do you found out something about my son?". She came closer and asked. Before the fountain of tears could come out of my eyes, the guards of old age home came and forced her into the car in front of my eyes. I didn't hear her voice. Rather, the whole town was listening.
"Does anyone found out about my son. My little baby. How will he be? Take me to him. He must be waiting for me." Her voice slowly sank.
I wish this voice was listening to his son instead of us. I wish he would die without his mother. I wish he would return to the memory of his mother. And I wish he would consider his mother as his family.
All of this started a while ago. And it's over now. After all, what kind of world is this, which is full of thousands of stories. Is this world a movie, where each character has a different story? What is it? I think it's different for everyone. For this old lady and for thousands like her, it's a quagmire in which they're drowning because of their own people. And for thousands like me, it's a testing ground and for thousands this is a scary forest but for thousands it is a valley just like Kaghan Valley and Swat Valley.And for thousands it is like Neelum Valley and Kashmir Valley where they are left alone by their own people and their separation makes their life desolate. Truly, this world shows a different color to everyone. This is really weird.Well ,I did not concern with this world.I shook myself and glanced at the sky, which was reddened by the sun's farewell rays.I have been in this town for six days. And I think tonight will be my last night here. Because I am getting to know how the people here. I am afraid that I might get used to love them.I walked towards my aunt's house. My aunt lives in this village. When I came here, she herself asked me to stay with her. I don't stay with her much because I know that her company will end. And I know the pain of departure.That's why I roam around the village from morning to evening. If someone asks for help, I help, otherwise the day passes simply. I was now in front of my aunt's door. Maybe she hasn't come back from work yet. When I came inside, I saw that her two sons were sleeping. Only one or two pieces of wood were burning in the stove. Perhaps she had gone to fetch the wood. I went and sat near the stove.There were rainy days.Perhaps these rains were welcoming winter.
My poor aunt was searching for dry wood. I turned and saw that my aunt was coming smiling with a load on her shoulder.
"Oh, give it to me." I got up and grabbed the bundle from her."This is very heavy." I said while putting them down. "By the way aunty where did you get them from?" I asked her. "There were some woods in the animal mansion. The rest all got wet. I will dry them too yesterday, if the sun came out. Today, it came out a little bit from the clouds. She said with a sweet smile.
"Aunty, has something to eat." I asked hesitantly.
"Yes, I had made lentils, but the rice is yet to be boiled."She said.
"Oh good," I replied curtly.
"By the way, I wanted to tell you that....."
"Yes, I know. You will leave tomorrow morning. I will happily say goodbye to you. After all, you are happy by walking around." She answered without listening to me.I wanted to go outside and sweep, but she scolded me saying that it is not good to sweep at night. I will do it myself in the morning.
"Okay." I put the broom aside and started making the bed.After some time the rice was cooked, we sat and ate. I told my aunt about old woman, and she told me her sad story again. I listened calmly and came and lay on my bed. After a while, my aunt came to me and gave me some money and said, daughter, keep this. No one know when the time will change. I refused a lot. But she ,somehow, did not agree. To be honest, I also needed money.I have said this to myself thousands of times that why everything in this world is about money. When I took the money, she also went to her bed and lay down. It was night.There was silence everywhere. I had tried a hundred times to sleep. But the anxiety of the journey ahead would not let me sleep. I wish my journey was like Robinson's. Where only I lived on an island and water would have been surrounded me.And I would not worry about anything, not even about money, because there would be no one to trade with me. Oh, maybe I still haven't forgotten the time I spent with a stranger because I watched the movie "Robinson" with the same stranger leaning against the wall of a rooftop room. Oh, that time. I don't call it good and not even bad. But I can say it a little good. Didn't know when I fall asleep? I woke up in the morning when my aunt's son, Aariz, call me.He was just seven years old and his brother was three years old. I woke up. I asked Aariz about aunt.He told me that she had gone to work and my food is covered. I ate and went to the mansion. Aunty was feeding her two buffaloes.When I asked her to leave, she put her hand on my head according to the tradition and said goodbye. I also said goodbye to her and came out of the mansion and went to say goodbye to Uncle Hawk at the corner shop. He gave me some cakes and snacks to eat.Then I left his shop and reached the base of the village. I was thinking of going to another village or a city. But I needed money, so I thought of going to the city. I sat in a bus at the base. After some time, the bus was full of passengers and started moving. I was comforted by the fact that I had some money from my aunt and some food from Uncle Hawk. I always had a bottle of water with me.The bus was moving when suddenly a strong wind started blowing. There was dust everywhere.
There was a thick forest around the road. Nothing could be seen due to the dust.Suddenly the tire of the bus got stuck in a pit. The driver tried hard but to no avail.Finally, everyone got out of the bus in that bad weather. Everyone pushed the bus on the driver's request but it was finally a bus. So it was decided to try again after the weather cleared. It was not possible to call someone for help because of lack of service. Everyone came and sat in their place. It was almost evening. Children and old people were all nervous. The weather was not going to be good. So everyone came out of the bus to try again. I had gone some distance looking for water when I heard the bus starting.I turned back, ran and shouted , but no one recognized me in the dust, the thunder of the clouds and the rustling of the trees. As I reached there, the bus went far away from me. And I was left standing like a statue in shock.Now what it was ? Was it left to happen? I don't know when these thundering clouds will rain. I began to pray that the saying would come true that "those who thunder do not rain".The only thing happens that God approves. Today, perhaps all this was written in fate. God did not just rain these thundering clouds, but rained a lot. I came and stood under a wild banyan tree with difficulty. God knows what has happened and what will happen now.Because no bus could travel in such bad weather. There was no bus coming from the town to the city and no one was going to the town from the city. It seemed that today the night came a little early . It was still raining.There was a cold wind blowing through the forest that froze my body.
"I was the crazy one who went out to find water in this forest. I considered myself an army spy. Now taste the fun of this forest." I was continuously blaming myself. There was so much mud here that there was no place to sit. I wish I could find a hut like the one in the stories. Oh, that's the problem. I think this world is a joke. I think I'm a character of a story. That's why all this happens. There is a saying, "Like the intention, like the blessing."Well, what should I do now? Shall I stay awake and spend the night or go to the city through this broken road? Oh! what if I fall into a pothole on the road and there were lots of snakes and scorpions. Oh.....
I screamed in such fear that the bats hanging upside down on the forest trees flew away. I was forced to stop and spend the night there. I collected some wood and after a thousand attempts I lit the fire. I sat near the fire to bask.
It seemed like a December night even though September had not yet begun. But the winds were as cold as in Murree in December. When the wind blew, sparks flew from the fire like hundreds of fireflies.It was beautiful, but also scary. It was just like a caravan. But I wish there were as many people as there are in the caravan. Oh, what shall I do if it rains again at night? If a snake comes here to bask its hands? Oh, snakes don't have hands. Oh! What was that? Did I just tell myself a joke? Was it a joke? "No." Then why did I laugh?Oh ho! Oh no! Are you crazy Larina? I braced myself and put some dry grass and put my bag under my head and fell asleep. No! I didn't sleep yet. Can anyone sleep like this? Thick forest, on the ground and that too alone. Without any weapon. No problem, my hands are enough for me. I wanted to sleep. But these thick black clouds were scaring me. I was thinking what if it rains at night? I didn't want my sleep to be disturbed. Finally, I let myself relax and closed my eyes and fell asleep. But what did it happen? I had just bought a ticket to go to the valley of dreams when these dark evil clouds rained again.Why do they come so early? They should come when it is supposed to rain. If they had not come earlier, I would have woken up by now. Where can I go after this heavy rain? I don't think there is anyone in the forest. But still I went to the dense forest to avoid this rain. After walking for a long time, I saw a gate. A very big gate. There was also a board attached to it.
When I got closer, I found a lot of mud on the board.The clouds covered the moon as well. I, without thinking about anything, opened the gate with full force. What was it here? I became an idol because of fear. It was not a house. Rather, it was a long and wide cemetery. There were thousands of graves, bushes growing on them, thunder of clouds, flashes of lightning, and ,pitter patter, the voice of raindrops falling on the graves.Ohhh....I screamed and turned and ran and ran and just galloped. And reached the old place from where I started walking and stopped here . Now I was seeing graves everywhere. My heart was about to burst with fear.I also recited some verses, but when fear overwhelms a person, it is not easy to get rid of it . Tears began to fall from my eyes. I was dying of fear. Why did this happen to me? I was crying. I closed my eyes, stuck my fingers in my ears and sat tight.It was raining and it didn't let up.I wish nature had some mercy on me. Hardly anyone can understand the situation I faced .
One can only laugh after hearing all this, but it was not easy for me to bear it. I felt as if I was sitting on a grave. Why did someone build this cemetery in the dense forest? Well, I spent this whole night awake soaking in the rain. Sometimes I looked at the sky, sometimes I heard the sounds coming from the dense forest. And sometimes I remembered the best moments of my life, which I don't think will be more.I want to make every moment of my life the best, but for that, I need someone's side, like the side of nature. But here, nature is my biggest enemy.
I don't understand why I left my normal life.When I used to go to school regularly. I was scolded everyday. Sometimes I was beaten. Sometimes I used to have fun with my friends and sometimes I had fun with my cousins. Sometimes I used to backbite my uncle, sometimes I used to praise my aunt.After all, why did I leave that sweet life? Why did I do it? Truly, that life looks good and sweet to me now, otherwise when I was living like that, then I did not think any life was worse than that.I used to weep at night and don't know when did the idea come to my mind that I should leave this house. By the way, it was not only my fault. It is to think why someone would leave such a family that gives him everything. In fact, there was something bad in my family too.I was not understood there. I was told everything that came into their mouths. Generally, those things were only my bad. They did not consider me as a human being. Sometimes they said that now you have grown up. Change your actions. Sometimes they used to say that you are not old enough to interfere in our affairs. Keep doing your work. How long would I tolerate them? That life is still bad for me. At least now there is no one to taunt me nor to scold me for everything.Just thinking about such things, the first ray of morning appeared.It was still raining lightly. I thanked God and stood up. It was a beautiful and wonderful morning. I started eating the packets of cakes that I had.Tea with cake in this season.... As soon as the thought came to my mind, I shook myself. Once the thought of drinking tea entered my mind, it would be difficult to chase it away. Keeping this in my mind, I ate the cake comfortably.My condition was getting worse due to thirst. But it was not easy to get water in this forest. I could not stay here for a long time. So I decided to walk to the city by the same road.But I thought the city was a bit far. That's why even after walking continuously for an hour, I still didn't reach my destination. I was still thirsty. I never thought that I would spend a whole night and day alone in the forest like this.Actually, the thing is sure to happen for which we don't have the slightest hope. These are just talks that only the things happen that we hope for.Well, what can I do now? What was meant to happen happened. After walking for about two hours, I was now near the city. My happiness reached beyond space. I started walking fast so that I could quench my thirst. After another ten minutes of walking, I entered the city. It was very crowded.I looked around and saw the water cooler. I took my empty water bottle and rushed towards the cooler, when suddenly I was pushed from behind and I fell forward on my face. "Hey! Why are you rubbing your nose here. This is not a temple, girl." I raised my head in anger and found a woman standing over my head. My face was turning red with anger. "You are scolding me instead of supporting me." I said angrily.
"Hey, you are rubbing your own nose. Why should I bother to stop this futile act of yours?" She replied.
"Really? This is too much." I said angrily.
"But you....."
I shouted without listening, "Well, is this a place to rub nose? You think I'm crazy.Ahh !" I couldn't breathe much because of thirst. Everyone was looking at me silently.
"Is this crazy?"
"Hey, look at her."
"Hey look, she looks like a nobleman's daughter."
"Look, how much she is cocksure." I heard all these whispers around me.In the meantime, an elderly person came near me through them. He stood me up and said with compassion."What's the matter daughter? I'm sorry you get hurt in my city."
"Yeah, no problem." I said and walked towards the cooler. I filled the bottle with water and drank the whole bottle water in a minute. The second and then the third.I looked here and there and found out that the same old man was smiling at me. I hesitated a little but then went towards him and asked, "what's the matter?"
"Nothing.It seems like you are tired from a long distance." He answered.
"What ? Tired. I came almost dead. But thank God, now after drinking water, I came back to life." I said.
I started looking around. Something strange seemed to me here. Something weird.
"Oh, come with me," he moaned.
"Yes, but why?" I asked fearfully.
"Come. I have something to tell you about here." He said this, and I followed him through the crowd. We entered a large house in the middle of the city. It was not so beautiful, but well cleaned.There were books everywhere. "Is this your house, sir?" When I asked, he smiled and said, "Daughter, these are the lives of hundreds of people that I have heard from each and every person here. These books describe the events that happened to them in the life of each person here.It's not a city. It's just a cute little town. The book of the woman,you have been rude to is lying there on the table. Read it later. Let me tell you, there are about two thousands of books. But most of the people whose lives are told in these books are no more in this world.
When he stopped, I immediately said, "do you want to write my life too?"
"Yes, if you were a little older. And there were so many events in your life that could make a great book, I would have written it. But now you have not seen this world at all." He said to me sympathetically.
"Do you think that older people understand this world?" I said softly.
"No, but older people have more stories to tell."
"Hm." After hearing this answer from him, I nodded.
"But I also have many incidents of my own life which you may find interesting." I said it anyway.
"Okay, that's right. First, take a bath and change your clothes. How dirty they are! Then we will talk after eating." He said.
"Oh, excuse me, but the rest of my clothes are also dirty. Will you tell me where I can wash them?" I said listening to him.
"Leave it and come with me." I started following him after listening to him. He took out a suit for me from a closet in a big room. I grabbed it. There were other clothes of a girl of my age in the closet. I was standing silently. On one side, there were pictures of a cute thirteen- fourteen years old girl."She"... I had just said so much that he started speaking: "My daughter. She and her mother died in an accident a long time ago. All that's left behind is me and the memories I spent with them. Oh, I'm sorry. I started talking a little more.Come on, go and wear these clothes." I was just staring at him.
"Let's go now." He said.
I was shocked and then left the room. How strange! Such a person who is miserable himself comforts thousands of people that their lives are saved. While listening to the sad stories of others,did he not remember the moment when both his daughter and his wife were taken away from him? Well, the time had passed. Nothing could be done now. I took a bath and changed my clothes and washed my dirty clothes too. I came back to the room. He brought me food. "By the way, how did you get the idea that you should write a book on the lives of miserable people?" When I asked this, he signaled me to keep quiet. "Oh, sorry." He said after eating calmly, "Daughter, decent people don't talk during meals. Well, I started it after the death of my daughter and wife. Daughter, we can never live better if we cut off from this world.I also found this out during the period when I was cut off from this world due to their grief. I started to feel that I am dead.
I started to feel that I am not in this world. Whatever happened in the past is to be forgotten. This is not better, but the best."Yes, you are right, sir." I replied agreeing with him.
"Do you want me to write a book about your life? These books remain only with me. I allow anyone to read them if they want. If you want me to write your life in a book, remember that I will not prevent others from reading it. Do you want it that people should know the events of your life. He asked me for my full consent."
"Yes, I don't mind someone reading my life."
"Okay, well, tell me a little about yourself."He asked.
"Well, I am actually a girl who ran away from my home. I don't know what was the condition of my family after I left home. But let me tell you that it has been four years since I started my journey. Don't know why I left my home. People travel to see the world, but I feel like I'm still running from someone.There is something that scares me. Maybe it's my inner fear that I get from people. To be honest, I wanted to move away from my family. I wanted to go to someone who understands me and always stands by me to support me."
When I stopped, he asked me, "So, did you find such a person?"
"Yes, but only for some time. Finally she also said that we are different. My life is not like yours and then she also left me. And then after that I just finished the search for such a person."
"So, what do you want to do now?" When he asked this, I stuck for a while.I had no words, what to say.
"What happened? Come on, don't mind it. Sometimes it's not a bad thing to do something for no purpose."
I smiled and then came to the book room. From here I picked up the book of the woman I found in the square. On the first page of the book, the name of the book was written i.e. "Is just a grief?" The name was so interesting that I opened the book and started reading. I opened the first page which had the whole story in a nutshell and it was like that:
"A Hindu woman who lost her son when he was twelve years old. Who lost her daughter when she was five years old. Who lost her husband who was her last support. And now she is alone in this world. Yes, it is somewhat strange to say, but she is not alone in this world. God did not create only those three people for her.In fact, we are all for her if she accepts us. But still our people are only ours. The grief of losing them is different. And now that woman had locked this grief in a corner of her heart."
This was the story that the gentleman told me to read. I started thinking as soon as I read it. "Who are ours? Those who give us happiness. Or something else. And yes, mine were so odd. Otherwise, the world would sprinkle life on every member of its family.
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