"Fucking hell… I swear I'll never forgive you guys…"
"Calm down, calm down…"
Kai hugged his knees, rocking back and forth, his face looking absolutely wrecked.
Right after getting a bunch of needles stabbed into his brain and acting like a complete idiot, he finally returned to normal.
The only thing not normal now was that everyone around him kept looking at him and bursting into laughter because of the dumb shit he said while "high."
"It's fine, Kai! The things you said will become beautiful memories that I'll keep in my notebook. How beautiful they are in your eyes, I don't know — but to me, they're definitely treasures," Tyler patted Kai's shoulder with a proud expression.
"I personally admire the words you said. Truly masculine, bold enough to say it and do it. You were just one step away from pulling your pants down and walking around butt-naked," Rocker also patted his shoulder, face full of admiration.
Since when did these two become buddies and get this close?
"Kai," Baron said.
"?"
"A real man has to fuck an old man first, pfft!"
Seeing how happily Baron was laughing, veins popped on Kai's forehead.
Because that was exactly what Kai himself said while he was out of it. Goddamn it!
Aura was calmly munching on an apple, observing everything around her in the chillest way possible.
I'm honestly kinda jealous that she's always so relaxed even with a broken leg.
Reito was chatting quite cheerfully with Tyler. No idea what they were talking about.
"Kai is an idiot, but he's our idiot."
"Oh! Kinda like the saying 'even if you're correct, it doesn't mean you're right,' right?"
"First time hearing that one… but it actually sounds pretty good!"
Whatever the hell they're talking about, I'm too tired to care.
"Kai, you okay?" Alice sat next to him and looked over.
"Yeah."
"Really?"
"Really."
"You're not gonna pull your pants down and show me your dick again, right?"
"I don't fucking remember doing that while I was high."
Kanna was lying on the opposite bed, staring intensely at Alice.
Calm down girl, she didn't do anything wrong.
Rocker was happily chatting with Baron.
"See? I've got two hands now! Two super high-tech mechanical hands!"
"Oh! Do they have any special functions?"
"Of course! I've got everything needed to turn these into the perfect weapon for any situation!"
Then Rocker extended his arm — it transformed continuously: sword → chainsaw → dild-
Sorry, got a bit carried away there.
Vakoth and Abaric still looked like Egyptian mummies, but at least both could now move their fingers and were currently fighting each other using only their index fingers.
How should I put it… it's way more relaxed than I expected. Maybe this is exactly what I need after every exhausting fight.
…Just don't come to the hospital too often, or health insurance will literally kill me.
Violet and Irelia were still unconscious, but that could wait.
"By the way, where are Pandora and Lily?" Kai asked the mustached doctor who was writing reports.
"Doctor Lily is currently receiving treatment in the special medical ward reserved for healthcare workers. Their privileges allow them to always get treated in the best environment."
"As for the Pandora you mentioned… the octopus, right? She's in the veterinary ward."
…Excuse me, what? Pandora's in the pet hospital?
Well… she does kinda look like a pet, to be fair…
"Anyway, you guys are actually very lucky. You were pretty deep inside the dungeon, and the dungeon even collapsed. Yet when the People's Safety Protection Association arrived to rescue you, not a single one of you died."
"Uh… so who reported it so they could come save us?" Kai asked, confused.
"Ah, that was thanks to Abaric. He had a contingency measure — he left a life crystal with the Adventurers' Guild so they could monitor it. When the crystal's light grew weak, the guild contacted us," Rocker said cheerfully, pointing at him.
"Wow, your group is that reliable?"
"Of course! Our association serves the people — not the government, not the royalty, not the military. That's why civilians trust us more. We're cheaper (sometimes even free), and we're friendly enough to talk to — not stiff like the knights' order."
Self-advertising right in front of us. Classic PR guy.
"Alright, aside from those two patients, everyone else seems to be awake now, so I'll give a quick update," the doctor put away his report and looked at the group.
"It's actually quite minor, so I'll keep it brief: Kai's left eye is temporarily blind, and Kanna's body-wide rune seals have been removed. That's it."
"…"
You call that "quite minor"?
"OI! EXPLAIN IN MORE DETAIL!" Baron shouted. The doctor sighed.
"Fine. As you can see, even though your injuries were quite severe, with the kingdom's top-tier medical care, it's basically nothing… except for Kai."
He then handed the report around, especially to Kai.
"Your body… well, it's special, I'll admit. Almost no damage at all. In fact, it's extremely firm, almost like it was just renewed. It reminds me of a molting process."
Hearing that, everyone looked at Kai.
Except for the confused Rocker and Alice, everyone already knew about Kai's insanely strong regeneration, all thanks to that snake earring he wears on his left or right ear, who cares.
"However, his eye… ehhh."
"What's wrong, Doctor?" Alice asked worriedly.
"I don't know if you're aware, but eyes are considered quite separate from the rest of the human body. As soon as the immune system recognizes the existence of the eye, it treats the eye as a foreign object and blinds it permanently."
"I have no idea how you managed to keep your eye completely undamaged, but right now your left eye is temporarily blind — until we can bring something to cure it, or… you molt again or something?"
Oh damn. So the reason my left eye itched like crazy whenever I activated the snake eye was because my immune system was trying to destroy it?
"In short: as long as you don't let your immune system 'meet' your eye and start a war, it'll be fine. Once the war starts, they won't stop, and you'll be permanently blind."
Very useful info. Definitely won't use it unless it's life-or-death.
"As for Kanna… I don't know if you know this, but she has runes written all over her body."
Kanna scratched her head, looking anxious and glancing away as everyone turned to her — especially Kai.
"Those are seals. And now that the seals are gone, Kanna is in quite a dangerous state."
"How dangerous are we talking, Doctor?"
"Hmm… you've always seen her vomiting, right?" The doctor looked at Kanna, who was growing more and more nervous.
"Yeah."
"Well… that vomit is the result of her body expelling extreme sexual desire and urges. The rune seals were what kept her in harmony with normal life."
"…What?"
Kai turned to look at Kanna. She looked extremely anxious, face pale, as if terrified everyone would despise her now.
"She's quite pitiful. From birth, her body naturally bears the mark of Lust. Without the seals, she basically feels nothing except sexual desire."
"Uh… isn't that supposed to be a secret or something? Why are you explaining it like it's the most normal thing in the world?" Reito asked curiously.
The doctor looked at them, then stroked his mustache.
"Yea you're right. Can you all just forget everything I said."
"…"
Does this plot even bother hiding anything properly so people can actually guess it?