Children, as you may have gathered by now, women have... how do I put this... a certain hidden nature to them.
If we go over everything that's happened up to this point, we can draw two clear conclusions:
First — never, under any circumstances, let the thought cross your mind that you actually understand a woman! Women are like a novel. Their moods are as unpredictable as a suspense story, as volatile as an action-adventure one, and when they're happy and in love, they're the most beautiful romance you'll ever read. But when they're angry... a horror novel doesn't even come close to what they're capable of, and everything described in the Malleus Maleficarum is a joke compared to what they'll actually do to you physically.
Second... you are my children, my bloodline, the most precious thing in my entire life (yes, even more than your mothers). My actions, my character, my will, everything best about me — it's all reflected in you. I love you with all my heart, all my soul, my entire being. And it's because I love you that I'm giving you this warning. If any of you ever have the audacity to let yourselves be dominated by a woman — or women, in case one of you decides to have a harem, which honestly wouldn't bother me, I'd actually be proud to see you follow in my footsteps —
I WILL CASTRATE YOU MYSELF. I WILL MAKE YOU SWALLOW YOUR OWN BALLS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR ASS!
IN A RELATIONSHIP, NEITHER PERSON IS ABOVE THE OTHER. YOU ARE EQUALS, AND BEING EQUALS MEANS YOU DESERVE RESPECT, NOT DOMINATION! AND IN THE HYPOTHETICAL CASE THAT A WOMAN — OR WOMEN — EVER TRY TO TAME YOU THE WAY YOUR MOTHERS FUTILELY TRIED TO TAME ME, SHOW THEM THEIR PLACE! SHOW NO MERCY!
And in the case that I end up having daughters... I apologize in advance for my crude and vulgar language. It's just that it really bothers me to see a man under a woman's thumb. And don't call that sexist, because it isn't. You think that sounds ridiculous? Well, women aren't the only ones allowed to make double standards.
If you weren't my daughters, I'd tell you to learn to respect an erection. An erection is a natural physical response in a man, an expression of admiration for a woman's beauty. BREAK THAT ARCHAIC, OPPRESSIVE, MATRIARCHAL STIGMA THAT PREACHES THAT MEN ARE NOTHING BUT PERVERTED, BRUTISH, BIRDBRAINED IDIOTS WHO ONLY THINK ABOUT CHESTS AND BUTTS! WE ARE SENSITIVE BEINGS TOO, CAPABLE OF APPRECIATING THE BEAUTIFUL PERSONALITY EVERY WOMAN HAS, SO DON'T YOU DARE LUMP US ALL TOGETHER AS PERVERTS!
But since you're my daughters, the situation is different. Of course it's different. I love you with my whole soul, my entire being, I would give everything for you and your happiness, and with all the worry a father can have for his daughters, I'm asking you, please — be lesbians. There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian. Your mothers are bisexual and I've never once complained. I would a thousand times rather you find pleasure with another woman, or on your own, than ever let a man inside you. Besides, there's always adoption. Men are nothing but opportunistic vultures looking to attach themselves to you for being my daughters — the beautiful, proud daughters of Issei Hyoudou, granddaughters of Satan. Although, on the bright side, I do find some comfort knowing your mothers will be extremely strict about all this...
I'd like to take this moment to apologize to Lord Gremory, Baraquiel, and every father whose daughter's innocence I ever took. I understand you now.
Please, forgive me.
(Picture me on my knees, head bowed.)
But in the case that your mothers ever let themselves be blinded by "true love" and all that Disney nonsense they had drilled into their heads when they were young —
(Picture me now, unleashing my aura at full, brutal power — the entire Underworld still remembers the terror they felt the day I reached my absolute peak, so please, do my sons and daughters the favor of giving them a rough approximation of that between yourselves)
My sons, my friends — this is my first order as a father, and a favor I'm asking of you in honor of our great friendship. The moment your sisters (my daughters) lose their virginity...
DESTROY THE WRETCHED SON OF A BITCH WHO DID IT!
CASTRATE HIM!
BURN HIS BALLS AND FORCE HIM TO EAT THEM ONE BY ONE!
THEN SLOW-ROAST HIS DISGUSTING SAUSAGE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS EYES AND SHOVE IT UP HIS ASS UNTIL HE BLEEDS OUT!
AND ONCE YOU FIGURE HE'S SUFFERED ENOUGH, FEED HIM TO FENRIR AND BASKERVILLE — THEY'LL FIND A BETTER USE FOR HIS BODY THAN HE EVER DID!
I DON'T CARE IF HE BEGS FOR MERCY!
DON'T HESITATE!
Alright, I'm getting off track.
From here on, I'll be telling the story in third person.
Honestly, it doesn't really matter to me which perspective it's told from.
But I think you'll find it a much more pleasant read if it feels like it's being told by someone else.
And besides, it'll help take the edge off my own embarrassment — both for everything that happens next, and for that whole speech I just gave you.
I love you all.
(And to my daughters' dead boyfriends — MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
****Basement — Training Room****
After breakfast, they headed down to the training room.
Standing in front of the little chestnut-haired boy were the three devils.
"First, let's start with getting your aura out," my father said.
Aura?
What was that?
Was it edible?
"No, Issei, you can't eat an aura," my father said, holding back a laugh.
"You see, Issei-sama, an aura is a field of luminous energy radiation that surrounds a person, invisible to human eyes," Euclid explained.
Radia...
What?
"It's this," Rizevim said simply, letting his own aura flare out.
Overwhelming.
Brutal.
A cloak of deep, dark blue enveloped Rizevim's entire body.
"Whoaaaa," the little chestnut-haired boy said, awestruck, staring at Lucifer's descendant's aura.
And who wouldn't be.
It was incredible.
"Do you understand the concept now, Issei-sama?" the Lucifage asked calmly.
"Yeah," Issei said, buzzing with excitement.
"So now... how do I get my aura out?" the little chestnut-haired boy asked, a swarm of question marks practically visible over his head.
"No idea. I just learned to do it naturally — as God's antithesis, it kind of came with the territory," Satan said, a massive sweatdrop forming on the back of his neck.
"Don't you remember how you taught me to do it, Satan?" Rizevim asked, his aura flaring out even brighter. "Because I remember it perfectly. How long ago was that? A thousand years? Three thousand? Five thousand?" Rizevim pressed on, clearly irritated.
"Heheheh, well, sure, but let's not forget that was an accident," Satan said, laughing, with a distinct edge of nervousness.
****Flashback — 10,000 Years Earlier****
The First Great War was already underway.
God, Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Metatron, Sandalphon, Raguel, Raziel, Remiel, Zamiel, Leamiel, Ramiel, and their white-winged angels, representing the Heaven Faction.
Azazel, Shemhazai, Armaros, Baraquiel, Tamiel, Penemue, Kokabiel, Sariel, and the black-winged angels, representing the Fallen Angel Faction.
Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, Leviathan, Asmodeus, Amon, Mammon, Belphegor, and the already-established seventy-two Pillars, representing the Devil Faction.
After long years of fighting for supremacy, the inevitable had finally arrived.
A truce.
But don't be fooled — this truce wasn't born out of goodwill.
Oh, of course not.
This was a truce forced into existence.
And why forced?
Because no matter what anyone claims otherwise, let's be honest.
Who backs down once their fist is already raised?
Who surrenders and flees to safety the moment their enemy is standing right in front of them, ready to fight?
Who passes up the perfect chance to claim the human world for themselves alone?
..............
Monopolize the human world?
What idiots those ancient leaders were.
Couldn't they have just gone on living their lives in peace and quiet?
Guess not.
Back then, the prevailing belief was that there simply wasn't room on Earth for three factions.
Only one could remain.
The supreme faction.
The final one.
Even now, there are certain individuals who still think that way.
And how do I know that?
Well, a while back I had a conversation about it with a leader of the Fallen who, obsessed with the idea of war, tried to hurt my Family.
Big mistake.
Even now it kind of pains me to remember what was left of him afterward.
He was a good guy, deep down...
Kokabiel-sensei...
Seriously, what were you thinking, expecting an eleven-year-old to grasp an idea you spent so many more years of life maturing into?
But well, everyone's got their own brand of crazy.
Who am I to judge anyone?
Nothing more to add for now — let's get back to the story.
..............
Of course, none of these three great powers were about to let the opportunity slip by.
But a war is still a war.
And war...
Has casualties.
The seraphs Zamiel, Leamiel, and Ramiel, along with a massive number of angels, died in the heat of battle.
The fallen angels Armaros, Tamiel, Penemue, and Sariel perished from grievous wounds, and a few of them even managed to take a Seraph down with them.
They'd taken one of their own brothers down to death alongside them!
And that's not even counting the vast number of fallen angel legions lost.
But that doesn't matter in a war.
Kill or be killed.
Anyone who attacks you is your enemy.
That's the plain, simple truth of it.
On the devils' side, things weren't going any better.
The Princes of Hell — Amon, Mammon, and Belphegor — had been reduced to ashes, yes, ASHES, after engaging God himself in direct combat.
What idiots.
And that was despite Satan himself having personally ordered them to stay away from God and pull back the second they laid eyes on him.
But no.
On top of that, seventeen devil houses had been wiped clean off the face of the Earth.
The situation was dire for all three factions.
Especially for the devils.
The faction leaders were scrambling to reorganize their troops.
Soldier morale had hit rock bottom.
And on top of that, the entire structure of governance had to change.
Their leaders were dead.
They had no choice but to reorganize.
Sadly, it turned out to be simple enough.
On the angels' side: God at the center, the four most powerful Seraphs serving as his personal advisors, and the remaining five splitting command of the heavenly legions among themselves.
On the fallen angels' side: Azazel founded Grigori as a research hub and new governing body for the fallen. He, along with Shemhazai, Baraquiel, Kokabiel, and a handful of other high-ranking fallen whose names aren't worth remembering, took over command in place of the previous leaders.
On the devils' side: Satan at the center as Absolute Ruler, with the four great Yondai Maou serving as his personal advisors and rulers of the Underworld.
Now, let's turn our attention to a place few devils even know exists — the residence of the second most powerful devil in the entire Underworld.
The Maou Lucifer.
Lucifer Castle sits in the city of Lilith, at the center of hundreds of houses and buildings where countless devils made their homes.
The city was named in honor of Lucifer's wife, Lilith.
Well — "in honor of" — more like at Lilith's own insistence.
..............
Another case of the persuasive power of women.
Is it possible that everyone who's ever held the title of Lucifer is just whipped?
Probably.
If you don't believe me, spend a single holiday next to Sirzechs Lucifer.
Won't even take ten minutes before he's already being tortur— I mean, whipped, by his wife.
Hahahahahahaha, you'd have to see it to believe it.
Anyway, let's get back to my memories.
..............
In the next Chapter....