Chapter 38 – Ryūchi Cave's Aphrodisiac: Even the Third Hokage Says It Works!
Shimura Danzō had long expected it—Uchiha Yujiro loved to whip up cheap but sensational garbage just to boost newspaper subscriptions.
For sales, Yujiro had completely abandoned shame. He even went so far as to publish rumors about a supposed love quadrangle involving himself, Hiruzen Sarutobi, Koharu Utatane, and Homura Mitokado.
The scandal had the village elders fuming.
"What is this nonsense? Does he think I'm Obito, to be made into a clown like this? Unacceptable!"
Furious, the elders demanded Hiruzen shut down the New Konoha Times immediately, brand Yujiro a traitor, and slap a 100 billion ryō bounty on his head.
Unfortunately, this perfectly reasonable proposal was vetoed—by Hiruzen himself.
"I'm not Hokage anymore," the old man snapped bluntly, leaving the other elders seething.
They considered going to Minato next, but didn't dare. After all, they'd just shot down several of the Fourth's reform proposals in recent days, souring their relationship with him completely.
True, they weren't very good at achieving things—but when it came to sabotaging them, their ability was unmatched.
"Too expensive."
"Completely unnecessary."
"And what's this about pensions for crippled shinobi? If they can't afford rice balls, why don't they just eat minced meat?"
With attitudes like that, going to Minato now would only earn them ridicule.
And besides—everyone knew Minato and Yujiro were so close it was like they shared a single pair of pants. Some even joked Yujiro was to Minato what Danzō once was to Hiruzen. To expect Minato to move against Yujiro? They might as well club him themselves.
In the end, all they could do was mutter:
"Kids these days… no respect for their elders…"
And then scatter like birds.
---
Now, logically, Yujiro giving the front page to an article about virility tonics should have been less offensive than writing tabloid fiction about Hiruzen's love life.
But strangely enough, Danzō was far more fixated on the former.
As the so-called "Darkness of the Shinobi," Danzō's shamelessness was on par with Yujiro's. He'd lived his whole life childless and alone—yellow press rumors didn't faze him.
But Orochimaru was different.
Whether it was Wood Release or the Sharingan, the powers Danzō coveted were laughably small compared to the Sage of Six Paths.
Yet to Danzō, the Sage was just a distant myth, while Hashirama—the God of Shinobi—was someone he had seen with his own eyes. That made all the difference.
This was not something he could afford to lose. In fact, he was beginning to regret it all. If he had the chance, he would never have let Uchiha Yujiro join the ANBU.
He thought he had captured a dangerous Uchiha… but in reality, he had driven a nail straight into his own vitals. Worse—he was the one who hammered it in.
"When did this bastard get so close with Orochimaru?" Danzō muttered grimly. "No… I have to confront Orochimaru about this."
The "Pot Hokage" crushed the newspaper into a ball and hurled it into the wastebasket beside his desk, before storming toward Orochimaru's secret laboratory in a rage.
The instant he left, the previously motionless ANBU in the room all flashed forward in unison, body flickering straight to the trash can.
Two masked shinobi grabbed the crumpled paper at the same time, each pulling on a corner, glaring at each other over their masks.
"You want it?" ×2
"…No, just curious." ×2
But neither let go.
"You got kidney deficiency?" ×2
"I do not! You're the one with kidney deficiency!" ×2
"Then why are you reading this?" ×2
"…Just curious. (…maybe.)" ×2
And so the two ANBU ended up sitting side by side, quietly reading the paper together.
Their eyes widened as they clicked their tongues in awe at the "ancestral Ryūchi Cave secret formula," whispering with genuine anticipation about whether Orochimaru-sama's experiment might actually succeed.
Of course, they themselves had no need for it.
But they had plenty of comrades—poor men mocked by girlfriends and wives—who could really use this miracle medicine.
Just like that, Uchiha Yujiro's plan succeeded—
but also… didn't.
When Orochimaru unveiled the so-called ancestral virility formula of Ryūchi Cave, the reactions across the shinobi world were mixed.
Everyone was curious… but no one wanted to look curious.
It seemed the ninja world wasn't yet civilized enough for people to openly admit interest in something like kidney-tonics and stamina boosters. Not everyone was as shameless as Yujiro.
Yujiro sighed. "A miscalculation."
Orochimaru nodded. "Yes… a miscalculation indeed."
Weeks passed since the New Konoha Times announced the miracle elixir, yet the wealthy patrons Yujiro had hoped would arrive with bulging purses never appeared.
No investors. No backers. Nothing.
The only one to show any interest at all was the retired Third Hokage, who would occasionally drop some very veiled questions on the subject.
Yujiro analyzed the failure.
Why hadn't his Project taken off?
Part of it was the investors' thin skin—they couldn't admit to needing such a product.
But more importantly, the nobles and rich patrons of this age lacked the future concept of capitalist investment.
This wasn't the economic boom of the 20th century, when scientists and inventors barely had to announce an idea before investors flooded them with cash and contracts.
Here, the wealthy Daimyō and nobles were more interested in buying land and expanding their estates than in funding miracle tonics.
As for the great merchants? Yujiro had no personal connections with them yet. Still, he could guess their mindset: too little power, too little influence. Rather than risk investing in fresh projects, they preferred to stick to industries they already knew and cozy up politically to noble patrons with power.
"Things aren't unfolding quite the way you imagined, Yujiro-kun," Orochimaru said with a sly smile. He didn't voice the second half of his thought: If this keeps up, Danzō can't be discarded. He's still too valuable a source of funding.
Yujiro's response was calm, decisive.
"No matter. That's why I prepared a second step."
If the mountain won't come to me, then I'll go to the mountain.
If capital won't extend an olive branch, then I'll march right to their doorsteps.
"Of course, we'll need to repackage things a bit. Simply calling it a 'virility pill' sounds crude. Better to brand it as a 'rejuvenation tonic—restores vitality, nourishes yin and kidney, revitalizes youth.'
We're not selling a performance drug. We're selling health supplements."
Yujiro turned to him, his voice firm.
"So, Orochimaru—can you handle it? And once you do, can you set up production as fast as possible, while driving costs down?"
Yujiro had decided:
If no one would invest in him, he would invest in himself.
"No problem, Yujiro-kun." Once again, Orochimaru did not disappoint.
But he left a thought unspoken, one Yujiro understood clearly:
If this fails too, their cooperation is finished.
Yujiro smiled faintly.
"Don't worry. This time… I won't fail."
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