Mr. Dummura took a deep, French-style inhale, trying to savour the fishy… smell… unaware that it was coming from himself. "Fish… fish is fine… it's just when..."
The sharp taste of urine hit him unexpectedly, jerking him out of his thought. He gagged slightly, then licked his lips, trying to regain composure. "When it's this potent… it becomes… distracting. Absolutely distracting… and interferes with learning at Brightwater Academy."
Sabrina leaned toward Hinata, speaking in a low voice. "It's potent… because it has magical healing power."
Hinata nodded, her tone equally quiet. "Yeah… it has to be potent to work, not weak sauce."
Freezing in place, Mr Dummura racked his brain for anything else he could use to scold the magical girls for.
"Sir, we did our homework," Hinata said.
Intrigued by the mention of homework, the drenched teacher perked up and reached into the inside pocket of his suit—only to be greeted by a revolting, soggy mess: homework sheets fused together into a glistening, gooey disaster.
His eyes widened, nostrils flared, and he nearly recoiled in horror. With a frantic, exaggerated motion, he shoved the wet pulp back into his pocket, trying to be discreet… though a few drips clung stubbornly to his fingers.
"Yeah, we did our homework…" Hinata said, leaning slightly forward and giving him a pointed look.
"But we didn't understand one of the biology questions," Sabrina added, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she tilted her head.
"You know… the one about sex," Hinata said, voice dripping with mock innocence.
Mr. Dummura clutched his chest, eyes wide and blinking rapidly as the pee from his hair ran into his eyes. "Ah! You are… speaking to the expert on sex and all things sex-related!" His voice trembled with both panic and excitement. His trousers were pulled past his belly, making every breath a struggle, but he leaned forward slightly, desperate to emphasise his authority despite the bubbling gas in his gut and the broken broomstick wedged painfully up his arse.
"One question confused me… about gender and sex. You said girls have pocky-pockets (and tatas), and boys have peachy-balls and mini-wands…"
Clutching his chest again, Mr Dummura blinked rapidly as the pee dripped into his eyes. "Ah… yes… boys… males… have… um… peachy balls, mini-wands, and other… appendages! Very important… very sensitive!"
He wiggled slightly, trousers pulled painfully high over his belly as the broomstick dug deep into his arse. "The mini-wand… also called penis in, um… scientific terms… is used for… urination, reproduction, and… well… other… adult activities!"
Sabrina couldn't hold her laughter any longer and interrupted, giggling uncontrollably. "But… you're a man… a boy… an old boy… and you don't have a dick, mini-wand, or penis… or anything between your legs!"
Hinata laughed, nearly collapsing. "Yeah… you don't even have a vagina… You literally have nothing there!"
Sabrina snorted, laughing so hard her shoulders shook. "Yeah, you had your pants down in front of us, and we saw everything!"
Hinata doubled over with laughter. "Everything of nothing! Nothing but oxygen molecules!"
"I… I... I... I'm a grown man..."
"With n-no… plumbing!" Sabrina interrupted, gasping for air.
A snicker slipped out of Hinata. "A grown man without the, um… right equipment…"
Face flushing red, he yanked his trousers forward, chest heaving. "I… I have a dick! I have a dick, I swear!!"
Eyes gleaming, Sabrina leaned closer. "So… where is your dick?"
He looked down at his trousers, his breath coming in sharp gasps.
"I-I have one, I do! I just..."
He froze, realisation and panic slowly spreading across his face. His hands trembled as he tried to tug his trousers even more forward, but it was painfully clear that there was nothing there—nothing other than the sticky, urine-soaked fabric that covered a smooth, flat surface.
The girls burst into hysterical laughter, clutching their stomachs and doubling over. Hinata's shoulders shook violently as she gasped between giggles. "Oh my gosh! I can't… I just—"
Tears streaked down Sabrina's cheeks as she wiped them away, still laughing uncontrollably. Her voice cracked with mirth as she bent forward, trying to catch her breath.
"My dick… my dog… must have eaten it…" Mr. Dummura mumbled, his face bright red, voice trembling, and hands fidgeting nervously over his trousers.
"Your dog ate it?!" Hinata shrieked, clutching her sides. "After hearing every homework excuse for years… that is the best excuse you could come up with?!" She doubled over again, tears of laughter sliding down her cheeks.
Sabrina managed to gasp out a few words through her laughter, wiping more tears away. "Wow… and here I thought we'd heard them all… a grown man blaming his dog for losing his mini-wand!"
Giggling uncontrollably, Hinata leaned back and waved a hand dramatically. "And if that's true, what the heck was your dick doing anywhere near your dog?!"
Mr. Dummura fidgeted nervously, his face twitching as he tried to defend himself, his voice shaking. "N-no… not dog… cat…"
Pressing a hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter, Sabrina failed miserably. "Somebody's into some gross, sus stuff here… involving their dick and pets. I think we need to call Peter, PETA, or whatever." She doubled over again, snorting uncontrollably.
Hinata wiped tears from her cheeks, still giggling. "We need to call an exorcist to deal with this… demonic being… He's totally possessed!" She hiccuped from laughter, shaking her head. "PETA, for the whole dog-and-cat nonsense… the Ghostbusters, because he's flailing around like a chaotic ghost… and the police… well, for flashing his… non-bits at students!"
Mr. Dummura stammered, face bright red, eyes darting between the two girls. "I… I didn't flash my students… You're twenty-year-old, grown adults… I… I have nothing to flash!" His hands trembled as he tugged nervously at his trousers and Y-fronts, pulling the fabric down to reveal the smooth, flat surface beneath.
"See?!" he squeaked, chest heaving. "I… I can't get into trouble! No one can accuse me of… of flashing my dick… if… if… you know… I don't have one."
He swallowed hard, blinking rapidly as sweat—or was it still some of that pee?—drenched his hair and ran into his eyes, making him squint violently. Every small movement made him wince as the broken broomstick lodged in his arse jostled painfully.
The room fell silent—only the faint hum of life support filled the air.
Hinata's laughter cut off abruptly, her hands frozen at her mouth. Sabrina stiffened, eyes wide, breath caught in her throat.
Then they saw it.
Sabrina's jaw dropped, and Hinata's eyes went wide as he… flashed again.
For a moment, no one moved. The laughter vanished, replaced by stunned silence. The absurdity of the scene hung in the air like a heavy fog, only broken by the faint hum of the life support machine.
Finally, Hinata gasped, clutching her chest, tears streaming again. "O-o-oh gosh… I… I can't… I've never laughed this hard—or been this shocked—before!"
Beside her, laughter burst out as Sabrina doubled over, snorting and hiccuping when the chaos hit again. "I… I can't believe he just… flashed again! T-F… what is wrong with him?!"
The pressure and trapped gas in Mr. Dummura's chest—made worse by his trousers pulled impossibly high and his awkward, strained posture—built to a painful, unbearable point.
With a sudden, explosive force, the half-broken broomstick still lodged in his arse shot out like a missile, hurtling down the corridor with a deafening crack that sounded like a gun blast, making the magical girls jump in surprise.
It flew at over 300 miles per hour, piercing a vase of fake flowers and sending glittering petals spraying across the floor. A portrait of the principal toppled from the wall, its frame shattering as the broomstick skidded right through it.
In the fashion classroom, a nude mannequin spun violently on its stand as the broomstick impaled it like some ridiculous weapon of chaos. In the cafeteria, a tray of pudding cups exploded in mid-air, splattering sticky dessert everywhere, while a slop bucket of unidentifiable food tipped over, creating a tidal wave of mush that surged down the hall.
The magical girls stared, mouths wide, tears of laughter streaming down their cheeks. "Oh my gosh… I… I can't even!" Hinata gasped, clutching her chest.
Sabrina doubled over, snorting uncontrollably. "This… this is… the best thing I've ever seen! He… he just… farts and destroys everything!"
Eyes wide, Hinata scrambled to her feet. "We better run… His butt is a dangerous weapon!"
Still giggling, Sabrina nodded frantically. "Seriously… we should not mess with that fart! It's pure chaos!"
Together, they sprinted down the corridor, dodging flying puddings, glittering petals, and the hurtling mannequin, their laughter mingling with the trail of destruction left by Mr. Dummura's explosive behind.
Leaning against a nearby wall, Mr. Dummura panted heavily, trying to catch his breath. His eyes darted about in horror, utterly baffled by whatever had just flown out of his ass.
"Holy…" His face paled like a sheet of paper as the chaos around him sank in. Gasping, he stumbled upright, trembling like a leaf as realisation washed over him.