The penis monster inched further up his nose, its balls wobbling against his teeth and lips, the pubes brushing him, clicking and tickling all at once. Without thinking, Bishop licked the balls… I think… and gagged. "I think I got some dick-ball cheese in my mouth."
Kerry stared, utterly repulsed and in disbelief.
"Did you… really just lick it!? Oh my god... You are sooo disgusting..."
"I-I don't know why I did that! It just... happened! It was an involuntary reflex!"
She recoiled, looking like she was about to gag.
Tears welled in his eyes as he whimpered. "But it's moving, Kerry! It's like… it's mapping my sinuses with intent!"
Stomping forward, she grabbed his shoulders and shook him hard. "SNEEZE. NOW. OR SO HELP ME, I WILL SHOVE A CUCUMBER UP YOUR OTHER NOSE AND SEE WHICH ONE EXPLODES FIRST."
With eyes clenched shut, his head tilted back, his whole body tensing. "I'm going to sneeze, Kerry… I'm so going to sneeze!"
She stepped back, holding her breath in anticipation. "Do it, you weirdo!"
He drew in a deep breath, chest heaving… then exploded with a violent sneeze.
"CHOOOOOO!"
Nothing came out—
Another round began.
"CHHHHOOOOOOO!"
"CHHHHHHOOOO-HAHHH!"
"CHHHHHHHHHOOOOOO!!!"
"CHOOOOOO! CHOOOOOO! CHOOOOOO!!"
Laughter burst from her, eyes wide with disbelief. "Oh. My. God. You sound like a retarded train!! Oh my god, I can't… I can't…"
Doubling over, she clutched her stomach and gasped for breath. "This is the best day of my life! I can't believe I'm witnessing this. It's like watching a train wreck, but with snot—"
He stumbled back, hands still clutching his nose. "Oof… is it out? Is it out?!" he cried, panic rising in his voice.
"No!" Kerry lunged forward, poking and tickling the balls now dangling from him, pretending they were a train whistle as she mockingly mimicked Bishop: "Choo choo choo!"
The penis monster lodged in his nose grew harder and more erect, throbbing insistently as Kerry's fingers toyed with the balls dangling from him.
Bishop's eyes bulged, his voice a strangled squeak as the shaft swelled inside his nasal cavity, veins pulsing like steel cables under his skin. "It's… it's inflating, Kerry, and it is getting hard… to breathe…"
Bishop sputters another violent CHOOOO-HA-HA-GLUG!, and suddenly—
SPROING!
The penis monster rockets out like a wet party horn and smacks Kerry square in the forehead.
Flung to the floor by the impact, Kerry landed with an oomph. Blinking, shell-shocked, she reached up to touch her forehead with a shaking hand.
Bishop stood frozen, legs wobbling like wet noodles. A Niagara Falls of glowing green snot gush-gush-gushed from his red, gaping nostril, pooling at his feet in a splat-splat puddle.
Pounding the floor with one hand and shaking with unstoppable laughter, Kerry's breath came in ragged gasps, tears streaming down her face, mascara smudging into streaks. "Hahaha! Hahahaha! Bishop! Look at you!! A total train wreck!!"
He started snaring the snot back up his nose; he felt some of it slide uncomfortably down the back of his throat, making him gag and cough. His nostrils felt like they were overflowing, slick and hot, and the unstoppable drip ran down his upper lip. Panic rising, Bishop squeaked out, "H-have… Have you got a tissue? I've got nowhere to wipe this snot… and my nose just won't stop dripping!"
She clutched her stomach as sharp, breathy peals of laughter tore from her throat, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Finally, gasping between ragged, frantic laughs and wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she shrieked, "T-t-tissue?! Ahhh!! You think a stupid tissue's gonna fix this?! That isn't snot… That's cum, dripping straight out of your nose! Congrats, brother… You just lost your virginity!! Hahaha!"
"N-no way...! "I-it can't be..." His face burns as Kerry's words sink in. "I-it's snot, it's just... super runny..."
She howled, rolling on the floor, tears jet-streaming, "YAHAHAHA! That ain't snot; that's dick-batter grout! Thick-ass sludge-cum pouring outta you. Taste it and see!"
Bishop wiped his chin, still riding the high of relief, like post-amputation euphoria or the afterglow of a one-hour sex marathon. A rogue gloop of leftover spunk slid down his throat.
"T-this… This is the taste of cum?
BLEGH!
It tastes like battery acid and regret! Kinda funky-funky, like mouldy pennies in sour milk!"
Kerry nearly toppled over in fits of laughter, unable to breathe properly.
"M-m-mouldy... pennies... in sour milk..." She managed to gasp between guffaws, holding her stomach.
"Oh my God... You... you actually taste-tested it...?" she wheezed, wiping tears from her eyes.
His face was a deep scarlet now, and he looked absolutely mortified. He spluttered incoherently, struggling to find the right words. "I-I... I was just... curious…"
"Curious?!" Kerry shrieked, voice cracking with laughter. "You just got bukkaked in the sinuses, and you're standing there doing a taste review like some fancy wine snob?!"
She rolled onto her knees, still giggling wildly. "Oh my god... Bishop, your nose is still dripping! It's like a tiny cum fountain… Put a coin in it and make a wish!"
Bishop whimpered, wiping desperately at his face with his sleeve. "I don't want to make a wish! I want this to stop! Why won't it stop?! Did that thing… did it finish inside me?!"
Kicking her legs like an overturned beetle, Kerry collapsed backward again. "YES! You caught the full sacred load straight into your brain!! Congratulations… you're officially the first human nasal creampie victim in history!"
Gagging again, Bishop's tongue flapped like a dying fish. "It tastes nasty. I have no idea why you girls are so obsessed with drinking and swallowing cum."
Wiping a tear, Kerry sat up and fanned herself like a diva. "Mmmph! Cum tastes fucking divine. It's fucking amazing… especially when it's from a hot guy like Chad... velvety like salted caramel with a tingly finish.
But that disembodied cock that just exploded up your nose? Who the fuck even knows whose it was! Could be some filthy-ass homeless junkie for all I know… a drug-addled motherfucker with AIDS, HIV, hepatitis, syphilis, gonorrhoea, Ebola, and every fucked-up disease under the sun!"
Bishop said, "So am I no longer a virgin? I guess I'm proud, but… it was underwhelming. They say everybody's first time is disappointing, that it never lives up to the hype, and… yeah, they weren't kidding. Just a sour nose, a musky taste in my mouth, and… nothing else. I should have saved my first time… for somebody special, for someone I actually care about… like Chad and his waifu anime pillow. I bet his first time… with that pillow was some emotional, magical experience."
"Hey... It's alright, Bishop," she reassured him, a hint of warmth in her voice despite her previous mockery. "Your first time doesn't define you, you know? Everyone's experience is different... And trust me, having your first time with a pillow waifu wouldn't be all that magical either."
Groaning, Bishop swayed on his feet. "I feel… warm… tingly…"
Sitting up suddenly, eyes wide with mock seriousness, Kerry said, "Wait… what if you're pregnant?"
Nearly blanching at the suggestion, his eyes widened in horror as he instinctively placed a hand over his stomach. "Don't... say that!" he protested, his voice cracking slightly. "I-I can't be pregnant... right?!"
"No... no way," he whispered, face pale. "I can't be pregnant... that's not how any of this works!"
Clutching her chest, wide-eyed, Kerry exclaimed, "Oh no… the morning sickness was already setting in! Look at you—pale, sweaty, covered in jizz-snot… textbook symptoms!"
Bishop gagged on cue.
"SEE?! You're already rejecting the twins! They're too strong for your weak human body!"
He stumbled back. "I'm not… I can't… I don't want baby cock monsters coming out of my nose!!"
Collapsing into hysterical giggles, she shot Bishop a glare that could melt steel. "Too late! You've been impregnated by the sacred sinus spirit! The prophecy says, 'When the nose weeps white and the balls retreat, a new king shall rise from snot and defeat…'"
His eyes went wide, nostrils flaring as another warm trickle slid down. "…I feel stuff moving again…"
Slamming a hand on the floor, Kerry yelled, "The twins are kicking, you absolute freak!"
Poking at his nostrils like they were alien orifices, Bishop stammered, "I… I got pregnant… in both my holes?!"
"Yeah… it happens… to the best of us." Wiping sweat from her forehead from laughing so hard
Bishop swallowed nervously, glancing at her. "S-so… uh… will you, like… help me look after the babies?"
"Are you kidding me?! I am not sticking around to babysit your disgusting nose spawn! I've got an actual life to live, you imbecile! Studies, dreams, becoming a dolphin de-stresser… You think I have time to look after your kids?! Hell no!"
Staggering back, wide-eyed and panic written all over his face, Bishop groaned, "Don't leave me… with the babies!! I need support!!"
She clutched her chest dramatically, gasping. "What… do you want me to knit them tiny nose hats?! Bottle-feed them cum-soup?! Sing lullabies while they drip ectoplasmic boogers onto my textbooks?!"
Bishop whimpered, swaying like a drunk toddler. "B-but… they'll need love… and diapers… or nasal tubes… or..."
Throwing her hands up, sweat dripping down her forehead from laughing so hard, she shouted, "Bishop! I am not dealing with this for you! Figure it out yourself, you absolute slime nightmare! I've got studies, a life, actual shit to do! I cannot be stuck babysitting your squirming, gooey nose babies!"
She grabbed her bag and stormed down the corridor, cackling and muttering under her breath, "Classes, responsibilities… anything but this disgusting mess! You're on your own, slime-boy!"