The morning hits the windows of our room, but today is something different—something way more different, because today's morning is not the usual morning we had in our home. It's the last morning that I am going to have with him, as after today I am going to move out from this home, this place, and especially from him. The time I spent here with him is very close to my heart and always will be, but I can't help it anymore because it's time, and the time has arrived for me to leave from here, and I still can't get over all the memories that I have made with him.
Yes, we fall, yes, we do make mistakes, but at the end of every day, it's us—it's only us who find peace in each other. And Yuan, thank you—thank you, really, really thank you—for making me learn what real love is, how it feels, and because of you only I am able to cherish this most beautiful feeling in the world. So thank you, my Yuan Yuan, for making me understand that love is not always loud enough to be heard; sometimes it's just as silent as the waves of water and as deep as the water of the ocean.
I kept thinking these thoughts inside my little heart while looking at him, who was still sleeping in front of the couch near the bed, and then when I was looking at him like an idiot, he suddenly opened his eyes. I moved my gaze to another direction, and then he stood up from the couch where he was sleeping and came to me, sat right in front of me, and gently placed his one hand on my cheek and asked, "How are you feeling right now?"
I smiled and said, "Much better."
He exhaled unevenly—I noticed that. I touched his hand that he had placed on my cheek with my hand and asked him, "Yuan, what happened? Why are you looking like this?"
He slowly looked at me and asked, "Looking like what?"
"Looking like… like you came out from a big fight and got so much stressed over it," I said.
He smiled and said, "Yes, I do. You know, last night—what you did to me…"
I got a little worried hearing that tone from him, which made me think like I had literally done something that he might not be able to speak about, but all my doubts got cleared when he said, "You know what? How much—how much I was close to losing you last night? I thought… I thought I would never be able to see you again. You know how much you made me scared about you? Do you even have the idea about it?"
"But Yuan, I was about to say something—"
But he continued and said, "Last night you were shivering so much in my hands, your whole body got colder like ice. I thought… I thought I would lose you. I kept massaging your back with my palms continuously to make your body feel a little heat, but the whole night you were just colder, and after a while you slept away in my arms, but your fragile body was still cold. You slept, but the fear in me never went away, even for a second. And then I covered you with the blanket, but still—still I am such a bad person. I made you feel those things because of me. I am really sorry, my silly girl, I am really sorry. A boyfriend's duty is to protect his girlfriend and make her feel secure around him, and just look at me—just look at me. I am the rarest boyfriend in this whole world who made his girlfriend scared like that. I really don't deserve your exaggerated compliments. I can't even let myself stand on those compliments properly, I really can't. And from today onwards, stop calling me the most ideal person, because in reality I am not some character of a main male lead of the C-dramas that I played. I am a human being—just an ordinary human being who makes mistakes, and because of it I made you suffer like that last night, and I can't even forgive myself for that," he said while hugging me and kissing my head while saying all that to me.
Then I broke the hug and said to him, "Yuan, don't you dare—don't you dare to call my Yuan Yuan this and say such cursed words about him."
"Cursed words? When did I say cursed words? I was just saying the reality—what happened last night because of my stupidity," he said.
"No, it's not like that, Yuan. You just said that you are a normal human being who falls and makes mistakes, but you forgot one thing about human beings—that if they do make mistakes, then they stand again more efficiently while looking forward to their bright future," I said, and then I cupped his face with both my hands and said, "You are already my shining star in the sky, which shines more than any. You are a bright light to my darkness. How can you say such words about my Yuan Yuan?"
He finally smiled and said while kissing both my hands, "How much I made myself miserably fail to treat you the way you deserved to be treated, but you always behave like nothing has happened. But trust me, Zhao Shiza," he held my hands in his and said, "last night I got really scared. Please don't make me feel like that again, ever—no matter what happens."
I nodded my head and hugged him.
We both hugged each other while I was still thinking how could I even tell him that I am going to give him another shock—another shock of going from here. And then my WeChat notifications kept buzzing on my phone, which was placed on the bed beside me, which were from my professor who found the internship for me as he promised. But Yuan is not able to handle this much big problem after last night—he was already standing on that verge. Now I can't let him know this right now, but I need to, because the sooner I let him know this, the more he'll be able to prepare himself for it.
And then I gathered the last courage that was left inside me and said, "Yuan…"
He looked at me immediately, and then I continued and said…