Then I took a deep, long breath to gather the courage inside me to speak up to him, and then I said, "Yuan."
He was too busy looking at me and scolding me that he didn't pay much attention to my tone, because if he really did, then he would have been able to know that I was really up to something very big.
I again said, "Yuan."
This time he listened to me and looked at me and gave me his usual reply, "Hmm."
The "hmm"… his "hmm," which is my whole world—but today it really felt very heavy to me, because what I was going to say to him now would make him a bit shocked.
Then I closed my eyes for a few seconds, and then in one breath, in one go, I said, "Yuan, I am going to move out from our home, as today I got the notification from my professor regarding my internship under him, so I need to report there soon."
And finally I had said it, and after saying it, when I opened my eyes, the very first thing I saw was his face—looking at me like he forgot to even blink.
Then all of a sudden, he hugged me—hugged me like if he loosened his grip on me even a little, then I would vanish.
I started massaging his back with my palms, as I could feel the restlessness he was having right now. His breathing was uneven, his heart—I could feel it—was beating way faster than I expected.
"Yuan, relax. You already knew that one day I would leave from here—you already did," I said.
"But I didn't know that that time would come this much soon," he said while still hugging me that tightly.
"But Yuan, you knew it, didn't you?" I said.
"But it was just barely one week of you staying here, and now you're going to leave today—so soon. Is this… is this how much our time is? Is this much limited?" he asked.
"No, never. We are always connected to each other. No matter how far away we go from each other, our souls will always stay with each other. You don't need to worry about it, Yuan—we are always together, forever," I said.
"But what if… if we get busy in our lives and couldn't be able to make time for each other?" he asked.
I smiled a little and said, "Yuan, I don't know about you, but loving you with a long distance and with so many differences is my long-term job, and if then I didn't fail in my job, then how could I in the future when we are really together?" I said.
"So, as expected, because of being an actor, you doubt me, isn't it?" he said, and he broke the hug and looked at me.
"No, Yuan, it's not like that—you got me wrong. I didn't mean that. How could I even, Yuan? You… you know me very well. I am not like that," I said while getting a little panicked, as it seemed that I had hurt him with my choice of words—which I really can't, not even in my dreams.
He smiled faintly and placed his one hand on my right cheek and said, "Why are you getting panicked like this?" he asked.
"Do you think that after living with you for one week and being in this relationship, I'll break up with you because you are going far away? Is this how much you know me, Yuan?" he asked.
I stood up from the bed where we were sitting, and I knelt down on the floor and said, "No, Yuan, no—it's really no. How could I even doubt you or think wrong about you? That is definitely not the thing that Zhao Shiza knows," I said.
"It's just that I want to say something to you."
"What?" he asked.
"That no matter what happens, no matter how much busier we get in our work, we will always at least have one call daily to talk to each other, to talk our heart out," I said.
"We will, definitely," he said while tears started forming in his eyes.
"Yuan, don't cry like this, otherwise I'll change your name from cry baby to cry big baby—it will suit you better," I said.
"You still have the guts to joke like this?" he asked.
"Of course I do, because we are not going far away from each other. In fact, we are just planning how to live forever together," I said.
"How?" he asked.
"Like we are going far away from each other because we belong to two different worlds, and we can't deny it, but destiny made me fall into your world from nowhere. But now it's my time to leave your world, because it's just the limited time I had here till now, and now it's time for both of us to get back to our own worlds—but with a promise," I said.
"What promise?" he asked.
"First you cry, then I'll say it," I said.
He took my hands in his and said, "You are already making me lose every emotion in me. Please don't play like this, otherwise I won't let you go from here—I really won't," he said.
I looked at him—his eyes were really different today. They had the pain of separation in them, which I could clearly see. His charming eyes had become so empty today, like there was no hope, no happiness left in this world. I never knew that our separation would do such a thing to him. I know—I know that you love me, Yuan Yuan, I really know—but I think I was never able to know how deeply you love me, and this life is not enough for that, because measuring your love for me is just like finding the tiniest thing in big ocean lakes—I thought this to myself and smiled.
Then he tapped my forehead with his fingers, and then he also stood up from the bed where he was sitting and knelt down like me on the floor, just in front of me, while still holding my hands in his, and said, "See, you are lost again."
I smiled and said, "Of course I am—when Yuan Yuan is right in front of Zhao Shiza, how can she not lose herself?" I said.
"You don't leave a chance to tease me, isn't it?" he asked.
"Of course—it's my right," I said.
He chuckled and said, "Of course, your right—only yours." Then he kissed my right cheek, and my body left my soul, and I was just thinking that I could shrink myself and hide somewhere, as the shyness I was having right now—my whole face must have become fully red, and I couldn't stay like this—I thought this to myself.
Then, at that moment, when he looked at me after kissing my right cheek, he noticed it and said, "You look like a cherry tomato."
And to make his attention go somewhere else, I said, "See, your obsession with my right cheek is back again."
He smiled and said, "You don't need to make my attention go somewhere else—I won't tease you, don't worry."
"But I won't believe you," I said while folding both my arms.
"You are pouting," he said.
"So I think I must kiss you again to stop you from pouting," he said.
And then I suddenly stopped pouting and said, "No, no, no, I am not pouting anymore—see."
He laughed a little and said, "Getting so much scared… am I affecting you that much? I knew that—but this much, I got to know today only."
Then we both smiled while looking at each other, as maybe it was the last time for us to look at each other like this, because after today we won't get time to see each other soon like this. So today we were just silently sitting in front of each other and looking at each other's faces like we were memorizing it for life, and no matter what happens, a part of me will always live in him, and a part of him will always live inside me—always and always…