POV Jess
Upon better judgment, my curiosity has been eating at me.
I have just finished this awful shift and I'm on my way out of the main doors when I spot Jake.
"Jake!" I call out to his back. He turns around giving me a genuine smile.
"Jess, hey, what's up?" he asks running a hand through his hair.
"Oh you know, just living the dream," I reply sarcastically and he chuckles.
"So… you know Cole Carson?" I interrogate, just getting it over with and ripping the band-aid off.
I have taken him off guard, he quirks an eyebrow at me but complies, "Oh gosh yeah I can't believe he was the motorcyclist that night, crazy shit. Had I been one of the first ones on scene I probably would've recognized him," he runs his fingers through his blonde hair for the second time and closes his eyes briefly looking remorseful.
That night plays out in my head again as I'm sure it is here and now for Jake. The guilt etched in his face is the same one I saw in my reflection just weeks ago. I place my hand on his arm to break him free of self-loathing.
"How did you know him?" I ask in a gentle tone.
He blows out a deep breath, "We ran in the same circles in high school, hung out here and there and eventually he focused more on motocross and I on surfing. He's always been a good guy, just unfortunate what happened ya know?"
I nod my head, though; currently, he might deserve it, because he's a good guy? When? Nope, not in the least, and it's only been one night.
"How is he?" He hesitantly asks.
I shrug my shoulders, "he's okay I guess, he's our patient now, as of tonight actually."
He slowly nods, "I've been debating on visiting him, we didn't really leave off on the best of terms, fought over a girl," he laughs a little at how silly that sounds out loud.
I smile at the way it sounds ridiculous too, "312."
"Thanks Jess," and with that we leave it there, say goodbye, and go on our separate ways.
As I exit the hospital the morning sun blinds my eyes, and I shield a hand over them as I hear my name being called out.
I turn around to see Charlotte jogging in my direction as she too has just finished her shift.
"Hey, you're still on my shit list," I give her the dirtiest look that I can muster up and ultimately fail with ending in an involuntary smile.
"Well…I'm about to be number one on that list," she makes a scared face and the anticipation is coming on strong.
"Don't hate me but Matt invited Dylan to the wedding, apparently they've been working on an outside project together, and the chances of Nicole being there are going to be high."
The thought of Nicole being at Charlotte and Matt's wedding makes me nauseated. I can see the guilt emanating from Char which in turn makes me feel guilty. It's her day, not mine, I can handle my sister, and besides I'm a bridesmaid so chances are I won't be dealing with her for more than a few minutes at a time.
"Char, it's fine," I assure trying to alleviate that guilt. She looks at me in confusion not quite buying it but there's nothing to buy here.
"I promise," I firmly place two hands on her shoulders for more reassurance.
"Okay…" she cautiously lets out.
"I don't forgive you about Cole though," I look down at my stained clothes and her eyes follow down as well.
"Ohhh.." she quickly looks away.
"Welcome to the club?" She offers.
I roll my eyes, and then squint them in a manic fashion, it's not a club I want to be part of.
"Oh golly, look at the time," she looks at her bare wrist, "I gotta go," and runs off.
None of this is her fault but I enjoy placing the blame on her because if not who can I blame? Roman? Gosh no I can't do that. This thing with Char is all in good fun and we both know it, It keeps us grounded. Without our teasing, we will lose ourselves in the chaos. Our jobs are difficult and demanding and if we don't fight against it we will be swallowed whole if we don't find light in it.
As I pass the scene of the accident again for what seems like the millionth time it doesn't seem to hit me as hard as it used to. I guess just knowing that he's on the up and up and is full of fire in his spirits subsides my guilty conscience. I don't know if Jake will go in to visit Cole but at least I put it out there for him. I wouldn't necessarily blame him if he didn't, Cole is a freakin firecracker.
Life feels as if it's tilted on its axis this past month. Nothing feels good to me anymore, I feel like an outsider in my own family, Nicole is engaged so if the spotlight wasn't already on her it's going to be magnified now. She's going to my best friends wedding, Roman is acting off, he's hot and cold, trying to read him is next to impossible and don't even get me started on the bitter asshole in room 312. I feel stuck with no way out anymore, the depression that has once resided inside of me feels like it's slowly starting to rear its ugly head again.