Lin Ming and Guan Yu were sprinting through the Lin family estate's elaborate garden paths. Sprinting, in Lin Ming's case, meant a frantic, silk-robed shuffle. Guan Yu, unburdened by comfort robes, moved with the terrifying speed of a well-armored war machine.
"Faster, Master!" Guan Yu roared. "The Demon's schedule is compromised! The free coffee is at risk!"
"I'm at my cardio limit, General! This is why I drive!" Lin Ming wheezed, clutching a side stitch. "And look!"
They paused, diving behind a cluster of highly manicured spirit-herbs. From a distance, black smoke covered the area. Lin Ming stared at it like a man watching his tax audit catch fire. "Fantastic. That's the Prince's storage facility!" Lin Ming gasped. "The Delivery Demon must have intercepted the Prince's guards!"
"An excellent tactical distraction," Guan Yu observed, adjusting his halberd. "Though I mourn the potential damage to the surrounding infrastructure."
"It wasn't a distraction, it was an unforeseen side effect of high-volume poetry!" Lin Ming corrected. "But now's our chance. The Demon's going to be focused on getting a refund for the spoiled goat. We hit the pills, sell them, and fund our escape route. Lead the way, General! Remember the Dao of the Minimum Effort: Bypass, Don't Confront!"
Guan Yu nodded, though the concept of bypassing seemed to physically pain him. "A stealth maneuver it shall be! The path to the Ultimate Brew requires finesse!"
**The Demon Encounter**
They approached the back entrance of a large, stone building near the edge of the estate where the Prince's temporary supply depot are kept. The environment smelled of burnt paperwork.
Then came a voice yelling from behind. "SEVEN MINUTES AND FIFTEEN SECONDS LATE! THAT'S A NINETY-SEVEN PERCNT CUSTOMER DISSATISFACTION RATING! WHO THE HELL ORDERS A LIVE GOAT AND EARTHWORMS ON THE EXPRESS SPIRIT ROUTE?!"
Lin Ming signaled for Guan Yu to stay silent. "Shhh quite please." He looked around to see where the scream was coming from.
Delivery Demon 233 was indeed there. He was tall, gaunt, and absolutely encased in black, slightly singed leather armor. He held a massive, glowing clipboard, and his horns scraped the top of the doorway as he lectured a trembling Prince's guard. The ground was messy with wriggling earthworms and a goat.
"Look at the data entry!" the Demon shrieked, slamming the clipboard onto a stone crate. "The destination coordinates were corrupted by unauthorized rhyming verse! This is a breach of the Celestial Logistics Code, Sub-Section 404: Act of God/Poet! I'm reporting this entire sector for audit!"
"He's a bureaucratic nightmare," Lin Ming whispered, impressed. "The perfect civil servant."
"His lack of direct combat is a weakness," Guan Yu countered, gripping his halberd.
"No, his efficiency is a weapon," Lin Ming corrected. "We don't fight him; we stall him with paperwork. General, create a diversion. Nothing too damaging…. just enough to make him think there's a high-volume refund request somewhere else."
Guan Yu's eyes lit up. "A diversionary Refund Request! I understand!"
Guan Yu immediately stomped into view, holding his halberd high. "Demon of Logistics! I require your attention! I have a formal complaint regarding a damaged item!"
The Demon froze, his horns twitching. "A complaint? Processing time is currently three standard years. Do you have a ticket number?"
"I have a damaged Oath of Reciprocity!" Guan Yu boomed, pointing the halberd at the Demon. "This item was violently pecked by the intended recipient! I demand an immediate replacement of my Loyalty Card!"
The Demon's eyes widened, recognizing a bureaucratic headache of the highest order. "A loyalty card? Requiring replacement? That's form 7-B-Delta-6! Do you have the original receipt and a witness to the peck?"
**The Pill Grab and The Final Rhyme**
While the two larger-than-life figures devolved into an argument over form 7-B-Delta-6 and the validity of Guan Yu's "witness" (a random bird flying overhead), Lin Ming slipped into the depot.
It was dark and Lin Ming hadn't mastered a single cultivation skill yet unless, you counted creative complaining. But when it comes to acting like he knows what he is doing he's a professional. Many boxes were stacked high, labeled with fancy seals on them. He found a crate labeled 'Pills of Fortification - Prince Heng's Personal Stock.'
"Jackpot," Lin Ming whispered, opening the lid with a bronze knife that was probably worth more than he earned in a month in Grindhouse.
Inside were rows of glowing, colorful pills, each making a soft sound like they were alive. They looked less like medicine and more like expensive vitamins meant for people living in big mansions.
He started shoving vials into his robes. Not all of them….just enough to fund his "diplomatic expenses," maybe a getaway plan, and, if the heavens were kind, a ticket back home. All this chaos all because he wanted to pay off one stupid peacock damage bill. Preferably to a dimension with functioning coffee machines.
He was halfway to the door when a voice came in from outside—loud, confident, and unimaginable familiar.
"The Demon's face is ugly and long,
like a scroll of poorly written song!"
Lin Ming threw himself to the ground as a tremendous shockwave hit the storage depot. This time, the poet Li Bai had successfully completed a rhyme right outside the building. The shockwave didn't just shatter the lamps …. it sent a surge of wild qi ripping through the depot.
Every Cultivation Pill popped at once, like the heavens had declared a discount sale on enlightenment.
In moments, the air was fill with glittering spiritual dust, it looked like a drunken Immortal had sneezed out a rainbow. The crates of pills blew apart, disappearing into a mess of different colours dust.
Lin Ming stumbled out of it, coughing like he'd just walked out of a perfume explosion. His silk robes were covered in glowing powder, and his hands were faintly shimmering like he'd accidentally invented glitter cultivation.
Off to the side, Guan Yu was standing over the poor Delivery Demon, who was still trying to fill out a damage report in the middle of the mess.
"The poet is a menace!" Guan Yu declared. "I was halfway through explaining the peck damage! The Free Brew is further delayed!"
"My entire inventory!" the Demon shrieked, pointing at the glowing crater. "This is not covered by the Force Majeure Clause!"
Lin Ming suddenly felt a rush of energy shoot through him. This time around it wasn't spiritual…. It a was pure unfiltered chaos. His caffeine withdrawal headache, the one that had been torturing him since Chapter 1, vanished on the spot. He felt awake.
"Wow," Lin Ming breathed. "I think I just inhaled about three thousand dollars' worth of high-grade spiritual uppers," Lin Ming said, blinking at his own glowing hands.
Then he noticed Yuya hovering about ten feet in the air, looking down at the wreckage with the calm, deadly disappointment only an older sister could master.
"Brother Ming!" Yuya's voice was sharp enough to cut diamond. "You have destroyed a diplomatic supply depot, angered an Imperial Demon, and caused the legendary General to focus his life on a fictitious discount! You are coming home, and you will meditate until your laziness leaves your soul!"Yuya swooped down and grabbed Lin Ming's wrist with the kind of strength that said resistance was pointless.
"Meditate?" he yelped. "I'm sorry, I'm currently running on a massive pill overdose!"
Lin Ming pulled back, channeling his newfound, accidental energy. He didn't try to use magic; he just channeled his pure, caffeinated, modernized panic.
WHOOSH. K-THOOM.
Lin Ming didn't fly. He didn't ascend. He simply executed an instantaneous, perfectly smooth reverse-slide twenty feet away from Yuya, leaving a scorch mark on the dirt.
He looked at his sister, then at his own feet. Super Speed.
"Yuya," Lin Ming grinned, his eyes wide with manic energy. "I think I just upgraded to 5G Cultivation. You can't catch me now.." He looked down at his glowing hands and grinned wider. "At last... bars. Full connection."
The accidental lazy hero, powered by a massive drug cocktail, was now mobile. The chase had begun.