Ian opened the gift box, and with a flash of light, something familiar appeared in front of him.
[Congratulations! You have obtained — "Chocolate Generator" ×1]
[Chocolate Generator]
[Specially developed for those with constipation. Simply crouch and right-click to produce a continuous supply of fresh "chocolate." Production rate depends on hand speed. Note: Please eat only when full-health and always prioritize your safety.]
Ian's vision went dark. 'Damn it, even here the cursed chocolate is still chasing me.'
Before him appeared a block that looked suspiciously like an old-fashioned latrine—the "Chocolate Generator." Its rusted cast-iron exterior was crusted with suspicious brown patches, and thin wisps of green-brown gas curled out from the small vent on top.
The modeling on this thing was easily ten times more detailed than in the game. Just looking at it made Ian feel like he could smell it.
It was utterly revolting. He finally understood why Steve got Poison and Nausea debuffs in-game.
"Alright, I admit, maybe making Steve scarf down chocolate in the game was a bit much. But now that I'm here in the Skyblock, don't tell me I have to eat it myself…"
He placed the block next to the grass, and the finely rendered device appeared in front of him.
Every thirty seconds, it let out a gurgling noise like a grumbling stomach, and the exhaust vent released a puff of faint green mist—as if urging Ian to crouch.
Years of muscle memory kicked in. Ian crouched and right-clicked.
A hyper-detailed, unspeakable object popped out of the device.
Then it shrank and flew toward Ian.
'No, no, I don't want it! Healing, my ass—Argh!... How do I turn off this auto-pickup?'
The unspeakable filth flew right into his inventory. Ian couldn't take it anymore. He immediately broke the generator block and shoved it into his backpack.
He collapsed to one knee, face pale.
Boom! Tears in his eyes, Ian punched the ground hard.
"Aaaagh!!! Steve, I was wrong! I— I'm not a f*king human! I'm a monster!!!"
"I deserve to die! Even ten deaths aren't enough! I made you eat that foul stuff thousands of times!!! What kind of ultimate humiliation is this?!"
Gag~ Gag
Collapsed on the ground in mock sobs, Ian suddenly realized… he was kneeling right next to where he had placed the generator. And his head was facing the exact spot where the filth had just been.
He scrambled away, took a moment to recover, then thought:
'If I put this thing in the Naruto world, wouldn't it be unbeatable? I could raise an army of White Zetsu…'
'No, no, focus. Let's see what's in the next gift box.'
Ian began to pray. No water, so no bath. No incense, so he just whispered a quick plea.
'Oh Steve, bless me with a decent pull. I swear, if I get out of this, I'll treat Steve to a feast every day. Please have mercy on me.'
The second gift box opened.
A block of dried kelp slammed straight into his face.
In front of him was a neat stack of dark brown blocks, bundled like bargain-bin goods from a dusty supermarket, each piece the size of an arm and crusted with sun-dried sea salt that sparkled in the sunlight.
[Congratulations! You have obtained — Dried Kelp Blocks ×64]
[Ordinary Dried Kelp Block. This Seaweed has three virtues: cheap, filling, and fire-resistant.]
"Well... better than eating crap." Ian forced a laugh and broke one block down into dried kelp. He chewed a piece. The salty, fishy taste exploded in his mouth like ten packs of expired squid jerky. His hunger bar ticked up one point.
Good news: he still had taste.
Bad news: he still had taste.
If he hadn't pulled the kelp block, he would've preferred to have none at all.
All things considered, the kelp was a small blessing.
Fueled by desperation, he opened the third gift box. A dazzling golden light burst in front of him.
"Holy crap—legendary drop!"
He stared closely at the item. It resembled a tabletop, with a white base and flowing purple patterns like living runes across its surface. Streams of light particles and glowing symbols floated around it.
As a veteran shortcut-abuser, he immediately recognized what it was, though it looked different from the version in his game.
[Congratulations! You have obtained — Ultimate Portable Synthesis Transmutation Tablet ×1]
[Ultimate Portable Synthesis Transmutation Tablet:]
[1. Can synthesize and transform the vast majority of items.]
[2. EMC storage limit: Infinite.]
[3. Binds to the player. Cannot be removed, discarded, dropped, or stolen. Does not take up inventory space.]
[4. Contains Philosopher's Stone functionality.]
[5. Can freely decompose and transform items within placement range.]
[6. Consumes EMC to provide energy to the player.]
Ps. Discover additional functions on your own.
"What the hell? This is still just a transmutation tablet?! No wonder it looks so different—'Ultimate' really means ultimate!"
The transmutation tablet whispered faintly in his mind: 'You think this is all? Please, I just haven't thought of the other features yet. They'll be added when needed.'
But Ian didn't hear a word. He was too immersed in pure joy.
"Holy crap! This is insane! This is… this is busted! I'm invincible now!"
The unease from transmigrating had been completely washed away by this divine artifact—vanished.
As the light faded, the transmutation tablet shrank and flew toward him, disappearing into his body.
He didn't smoke, but after such emotional highs and lows, Ian felt like sitting on the edge of his little island, basking in the sun with his eyes closed, pretending to puff one "kelp" just to calm down.
Yeah, that sounded good. A short sunbath, and then he'd get to building his world.
Before, this was a dangerous alternate dimension — the world of Minecraft.
But now, with the Ultimate Transmutation Tablet in hand…
"This is truly my world."
He chuckled softly to himself. "The gods have returned a fragment of their power."
For a moment, he almost imagined the sun dimming at his whim. Then he laughed. "This sun is a bit too dazzling... no, wait! the sun can wait."
He whispered, "Decompose items."
Instantly, the Chocolate Generator, the Chocolate it had produced, and the Dried Kelp Blocks vanished. Even the grass and cobblestone beneath the Generator disappeared.
Within the Tablet's interface, new items and EMC values appeared.
'With such a powerful Transmutation Tablet, I won't feel at ease having items in my Inventory that I haven't sold (sent to the Transmutation Tablet) even once! One sale per item—it's the law,' he thought.
He thought the command, and a stone block appeared midair, blocking the sunlight from his eyes. The platform beneath him expanded several times over.
"Perfect. Safety first. Don't wanna roll off while sleeping."
He sighed contentedly. "So convenient… so comfy… I'll rest a bit, then start the EMC grind."
Just as he began to drift off, a ding echoed in his mind.
[Ding... Multiverse Group Chat has detected your presence. You are invited to join. Accept? Yes / No.]
"Huh? Wait, what? Another cheat?!"