14. Remember her
Indeed, it was a seductive temptation befitting the reputation of a libertine.
If I didn't stay alert, I would have been mesmerized on my own. Since I almost answered, 'I will give you my night tonight,' without realizing it.
Lightly holding onto Dalton's waist, I asked him.
"If you hold me tonight, will you think of her while holding me?"
Will you seek the phantom of Arabel from me tonight as well?
"If you dislike it, I'll try not to."
"No. Remember her."
"Why?"
Dalton asked back as if puzzled.
"Because I wish for her, who died, to continue living in your head."
I wanted Dalton to continue remembering her who exists only in his memory, that is, Arabel. I wanted him not to forget the lover he loved.
Looking at such a Dalton, I would be able to harbor vain expectations. That even in a world where I disappeared, Arwin would remember me.
I wanted to live for a long time in Arwin's head. Even if I don't spend the night with him, even if Arwin spends the night with another woman.
Dalton's hand touching my back was drawing a small curve. Carving a pattern of unknown meaning on my back, he grumbled.
"Don't you feel jealous or anything?"
Jealousy. The little devil that had stirred my heart violently until this morning was quiet. Even though Dalton brought up words about his lover repeatedly, there was absolutely no sign of that guy coming out of my heart.
It would be quite disappointing if he found out.
"Why should I?"
I answered brusquely.
"Ha, as expected, we aren't close enough to expect such things, right?"
"You know well."
"To you, there is only Arwin, right?"
"You bet."
I mimicked Dalton's words. Then, the sound of Dalton letting out a deflated breath was heard.
Since he was burying his face in my shoulder, I couldn't see his face, but I roughly guessed the face he would be making now. Perhaps making a look of futility.
"Do you wish for yourself to continue living in Arwin's head too?"
He was piercing right through my heart. He knew everything about with what thought and with what heart I said such words.
Dalton usually acts soft, but there were times when he dug into the crux of the matter exactly once.
"Then nothing could be better."
If only I could live eternally in Arwin's head, I would have no lingering regrets at the moment of death. Even if I die, I wouldn't feel completely dead.
Living and breathing with hot blood in his head, I wanted to run anywhere on two legs. I was sincere. The problem is that the possibility of that happening is extremely low.
"Would such a thing be possible?"
I asked Dalton in an unconfident tone.
"I can't guarantee that."
Because I am weak at lying. Having said that much, Dalton let go of me whom he was hugging. Indeed, there was no way Dalton could be sure of something I wasn't sure of either.
I wonder how it would be if Arwin were a libertine like Dalton instead. If that happens, wouldn't Arwin remember me as one of the women passing by?
Of course, the possibility of Arwin suddenly becoming a libertine now seemed even more nonexistent. That was a possibility even slimmer than me remaining in Arwin's head.
Did the woman with silver hair who visited the Marquis's residence return to her home?
As soon as I recalled Arwin, the memory of the strange woman followed like a tail. Almost simultaneously, the little devil named jealousy that Dalton wanted began to squeeze out of my heart.
I didn't want the little devil to come out. If it comes out in the end, it will swallow my heart completely in an instant.
I hastily grabbed Dalton's right hand and brought it to the tip of my nose. Smelling Dalton's organic soap, my heart, which had become noisy for a moment, quickly became calm.
As expected, a good smell had the efficacy of making the heart feel good naturally.
"Iphoe?"
Dalton tilted his head at my incoherent action.
"...Soap. Buy it for me quickly."
So that my heart can maintain a peaceful state anytime.
I stroked the back of his smooth hand. How can the touching texture be this soft?
"What is this, really."
Whether my appearance holding his hand up with two hands was funny to him, he giggled pleasantly.
"Soap. Can I buy enough to use until I die?"
"...."
"Don't worry. I won't need that much."
"Iphoe."
Erasing the smile worn on his face, Dalton called my name calmly. It felt like a signal to say only up to there.
However, I couldn't close my lips that had already parted. A message turned into sound was flowing out of my lips.
"Because I will die in a little while."
I spoke so calmly that even I was surprised. Is it that I can be calm because it is death I have no strength to avoid?
Regarding death calmly was a sad thing. Because it wasn't someone else's death, but mine.
Dalton turned his back on me without answering. His back walking to where the soap was looked only powerless.
Throughout buying the soap and the coffin, Dalton didn't say a word. Silence.
We had a few soaps and the coffin delivered to the mansion, then returned to the Marquis's residence. The sunset light had disappeared long ago, and the surroundings had become dark.
Dalton, who maintained silence after the conversation related to death, offered a word only after returning to the mansion.
"Come to my room later."
Then he turned around without an answer. I don't know well if he's angry or sulking.
I stared at Dalton's back walking down the hallway for a long time. Until he became a dot and couldn't be seen.
His shoulders were drooping just like at the shop. What I felt from him at that moment was neither anger nor sulking. It was exactly sadness.
Is what you are sad about my death? Or is it the longing for your old lover projected within my death? I still couldn't know Dalton's intentions.
I returned to my room, washed for a long time, and applied oil. I left the room after it became close to midnight. Walking down the hallway, I thought of Arwin.
Will he seek Dalton's room smelling my oil today too? If such a thing happens, what appearance of ours will Arwin see?
'In that sense, won't you give me your night tonight?'
Dalton had said such words, and I was going to his room, but honestly, I had no conviction that I would give him my night.
It was doubtful whether I could spend the night with another man besides Arwin.
Although I wished to become a libertine, as Dalton said, perhaps the only partner I really wanted to be a libertine for was Arwin.
Nevertheless, I walked to Dalton's room. I was a person trying to live a life where it wouldn't be strange even if I died tomorrow. Likewise, I didn't want to refuse Dalton's proposal.
If I die today, the night with Dalton will be my last monumental event. A night with a rich Archmage. A night that other maids would absolutely never experience.
Entering the room with a couple of knocks, Dalton was seen. He was waiting for me lying on the bed in simple attire.
I moved my gaze, which had been on Dalton, a little and looked under the window. The brown coffin I saw a few days ago wasn't visible.
Where did he move it to?
"You came?"
Dalton spoke in a voice full of laughter. Then he gestured toward me as if telling me to come to his side.
Even while walking to the bedside, I thought about where the coffin might have disappeared to. The question was resolved by Dalton.
"I moved it to the dressing room for a moment. That coffin."
"How did you know I was thinking about that coffin?"
"Because I am Archmage Dalton Racers."
Answering triumphantly, he grabbed my wrist standing awkwardly near the bed. My nerves become exceedingly sensitive to his fingertips slowly stroking my wrist.
I lay down next to him very naturally.
It was natural enough for someone watching to mistake that such things happened often. In reality, it's the first time lying in the same bed with him.
Dalton looked down at me with an affectionate gaze. Although our meeting was one with a purpose, he stared at me for quite a long time as if he had forgotten that purpose.
"We can't kiss in front of a coffin, can we?"
Then abruptly, he kindly explains the circumstances of the coffin disappearing.
"I suppose so."
I answered roughly. Dalton might think so, but to me, such things didn't matter anyway.
Dalton's white hand quietly swept the hair flowing down my cheek.
"Iphoe Bell."
Calling my name quietly, he met my gaze. His odd eyes, deepened with emotion, shone prettily.
His twinkling eyes came closer and closer to me. As I closed my eyes, the sensation of his lips was felt.
As his soft lips gently toyed with my upper lip, my lips opened naturally.
He wandered inside my mouth for a long time with that tongue which had called his old lover's name sorrowfully. Without a trace of sorrow, fiercely.
Body temperature rose rapidly. He lowered the dress draped over my shoulder as if intending to move to the next step. Bare skin with nothing on was revealed.
Dalton's lips went down slowly from my lips to the tip of my chin, to my neck, to my collarbone. It was a speed neither slow nor fast.
Finally, when his lips were about to touch a secret place, I called his name.
"Dalton. Wait a moment."
At that, he lifted his head and looked up at me.
"Why?"
"...I. That is."
I don't know. Why I suddenly stopped him. Why hesitation arose. There was no unpleasantness whatsoever in Dalton's kiss, and my body was heated enough to be okay spending the night with him like this.
But strangely, I hesitate.
Dalton, seeing my unusual expression, came back up and stroked my cheek.
"Are you hesitating?"
"Yes...."
"Was my kiss not satisfactory?"
"No."
Positioned above me, he peered intently into my eyes. As if trying to read every thought I was having.
"Then is it... because of Arwin?"
"I don't know."
I wasn't thinking about Arwin though.
I let out a sigh. Dalton kissed lightly on my glabella, which was faintly frowned.
'You don't have to be so serious.' His kiss seemed to imply such a meaning.
"If you don't want to, you don't have to. I told you. I don't force you."
I couldn't know just what made me reluctant.
It's okay. Let's see the end like this. I thought countless times in my head to say so, but my heart, where something had already gone awry, was spitting out my true feelings.
"I'm sorry. As expected, I can't do it."
"What are you sorry about?"
"For going back on something like this."
My heated body wanted Dalton to enter me, but my heart was not so. I couldn't explain the hesitation, the cause of which even I didn't know, to Dalton.
Dalton came down from on top of me and hugged me.
"I, I will endure more."
Gasping for impatient breath, he kissed briefly near the crown of my head.
"If you are sorry, hug me tight. That is enough for me."
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