20. Your lips taste salty
He answered at once.
"Well."
It was an ambiguous answer. I furrowed my brow slightly.
"Then why are you engaging?"
"...What answer do you want?"
"...."
"That first day. You said you wouldn't wish for anything from me."
Arwin was right.
Before sharing warmth with him for the first time, I had told him I wouldn't wish for anything from him. That I just wanted one night with you.
It wasn't a lie. At that time, I only wanted a single night with him. But in just a few weeks, I had completely forgotten that simple heart of that day.
That was partly because my death had come closer, but Arwin's fault also existed.
Arwin should have acted so that I wouldn't wish for anything.
You shouldn't have given me a handkerchief, nor should you have asked about the reason for my tears. You definitely shouldn't have remembered my name.
You shouldn't have given me room to regard you more specially. I resented Arwin, who made me wish for more than that, and now discusses the reversal of my heart.
"I'm sorry."
Nevertheless, I can't resent him comfortably. Because the heart loving him was bigger than the heart resenting him.
How can I resent the person I love? I can't, no, I won't.
"...."
I turned around. Arwin didn't say anything to me as I turned away. Although I was curious with what face he was looking at me, I didn't look back.
As soon as I left his office, tears fell heavily.
The place I went to with a tear-stained face was Dalton's room. I needed comfort, and I thought Dalton was the only person who would comfort me.
Even if it were a futile comfort, I was desperate for someone's warmth right now. Just as Dalton always misses someone's warmth.
"Iphoe Bell?"
Dalton made a surprised face seeing me visit suddenly.
"Dalton."
I called his name in a voice full of metallic rasp.
Dalton got up from the sofa and approached me in a bound. I leaned my face on his chest. He smelled good.
"Iphoe. What's wrong."
His hand patted my back carefully. I confessed like making a confession.
"Dalton. I lied to you."
"...."
"I was a person who wished for a lot. I wish for so much that I can't bear the sadness."
"...."
"I wish Arwin would love me. I wish his night was mine even if just until I die."
"...Does it hurt?"
"My heart hurts too much."
"It's okay. Feeling pain isn't a bad thing. Because it's proof you're still alive."
He soothed me with a warm voice. It was comfort worthy of the name I wished for.
"If it's going to hurt like this, I wish I would just die tomorrow."
"Poor thing. What should I do for it to be a comfort."
"...I don't know."
I don't know. I don't know at all what would make me feel better. My mind feels like a blank sheet.
I just wanted to die like this. If I die, I won't feel pain or anything.
Dalton detached me, who was held by him, and looked down at my face. He erased the traces of tears engraved on my cheek with his fingertips.
"This is all I can do."
Dalton's head tilted obliquely. He kissed me as if healing my saddened heart. His heart was felt from his lips touching considerately.
Don't be sad.
Although it was only lips that touched, at that moment, I felt our hearts connect.
His sincerity genuinely pitying me reached me.
"Your lips taste salty."
Dalton, having detached his lips, said so. And he hugged me for a long time.
Until the salty taste disappeared from my lips.
There is a point where tears no longer flow if you cry and cry again. I shed tears endlessly, and the tears stopped soon. Even though they acted as if they would never stop forever.
I felt like I vomited out all the tears I had to cry for a month. Somehow I felt refreshed too. Even though there was absolutely nothing refreshing in reality.
"Are you okay now?"
At Dalton's question, I nodded my head weakly. I didn't even have the strength to part my lips.
"That's a relief."
He stroked my head affectionately. Is he saying it's a relief just because I stopped crying? A wish arises that all my circumstances would be a relief as he said.
Dalton seated me on the sofa and waved his hand in the air. Then, a teacup appeared on his palm again.
It was the most delicious tea in the world.
"Hot tea is best when calming the mind too."
"Thank you."
I answered barely and drank a sip of tea. As he said, my soggy heart seemed to become a little dry.
"Arwin.... says he is engaging. With that woman."
Even though I confessed a shocking fact, Dalton wasn't surprised. Was I the only one shocked by his engagement? Or,
"...Did you know?"
"Vaguely."
"...."
I feel a little betrayed. Even though Dalton never betrayed me.
"Sorry I couldn't tell you in advance. But since I didn't know for sure either, I couldn't tell you. I couldn't make you sad with uncertain facts on purpose."
Dalton was quick-witted in useless places.
"Yes. You are right."
At Dalton's excuse, the faint sense of betrayal I felt toward him disappears. It was a funny thing.
"Then does Iphoe plan to forget Arwin completely now?"
"Well."
I couldn't assert it as of now.
It wasn't a day or two, but a man I had an unrequited love for a whopping two years. I thought answering 'Yes' readily would be stranger.
Even if Arwin eventually engages with another woman, and even comes to love another woman. I felt I couldn't give up on him.
"Would forgetting the person you love be an easy task?"
I glanced obliquely at Arabel's coffin, unsure when it was moved back under the window.
Dalton's gaze followed the end of my gaze. He looked at Arabel's coffin with a strange gaze of unknown meaning.
"No."
"...."
"My question was contradictory. Since I am also keeping my lover without letting her rot because I can't forget her."
His desperate love was something I knew well. It was at that moment that a strange doubt arose.
Is Dalton keeping his dead lover without letting her rot just based on that fragmentary fact that he couldn't forget her? Could there be another reason?
If he is keeping her who died continuously because of 'that' which he said he was looking for....
When my thoughts reached there, I turned my gaze from the coffin and looked at Dalton. He turned his gaze to me as if feeling my gaze touching his cheek.
"Why are you looking at me with such eyes? Is there a problem?"
Goosebumps of unknown cause broke out on my arm.
What is it that you truly want?
I drank one more sip of tea and answered nonchalantly.
"It's nothing."
Dalton, sitting opposite, tilted his head, then moved his seat next to me.
Even though the sofa was very long and wide, he was closely adhered to me like a libertine. Then he whispers in my ear like a habit.
"I sometimes have such a thought."
His languid voice touched the top of my ear.
"What thought?"
"Is the reason I can't forget the person I love because I still love her. Or is it because of my lingering attachment."
"...."
"Is the reason it's hard for you to forget Arwin because you love him too much. Or is it because of the lingering attachment you have toward him."
Since I had never approached it in such a way, I couldn't answer easily. Love and lingering attachment.
I hadn't experienced much love. Therefore, that question was not in a category I could answer.
When I maintained silence, Dalton spoke first.
"Whatever the reason is, I will help you. Since I said I would cheer for your love."
"How?"
"An Archmage can do everything."
Of course, except for exactly one thing. Blurring his trailing words, he shrugged his shoulders.
His expression, seen by glancing, looked newly confident, so I felt like he would actually perform a great deed.
I was situated in the garden.
The garden located behind the Marquis's residence. That garden where only the owner of the mansion, that is, Arwin, and those permitted could go around. This was also the place where we came for a picnic the other day.
Dalton, who said he would help me, only left words telling me to go to the garden first like that time. Bringing Arwin was a bonus.
Did Dalton plan a picnic for Arwin and me like last time?
Meeting Arwin was a very joyful and happy thing. There is no way meeting the person I love wouldn't be joyful. But today, I was somewhat afraid of facing Arwin again.
Because the words I retorted emotionally to him lingered in my head.
'Do you love her?'
'Well.'
'Then why are you engaging?'
I wondered if I offended that indifferent man. If he is offended, isn't he not meeting me anymore?
If that happens, I thought it would be really sad. I felt pathetic about myself a few hours ago, arguing about the master's engagement despite being a mere maid.
But even if I turn back time and return to the past, I would have asked Arwin the same question.
'Do you love her?'
That was an unavoidable question for me who loves him.
"Ha."
I sighed and looked up at the sky. The sky was blue. A blue sky without a speck of cloud. Blueness making me forget the headache-inducing thoughts completely for an instant.
Warm sunlight, unable to recall yesterday's rain, was sitting quietly on the ground. Well-trimmed grass swayed in the same direction in the wind blowing from an unknown source.
It was a peaceful view contradictory to my confused heart.
A useless thought occurred briefly. That thought was the thought of wanting to die on a day with good sunlight. How will the weather be on the day I die?
My gaze scanning the view soon touched 'somewhere'.
In this garden where only Arwin passes, one thing could be seen that couldn't be seen in other gardens. It was two mountain ridges standing as if supporting the Marquis's residence.
I heard there is a deep canyon between the two mountains where one side is a steep cliff. That place is too deep and dangerous, so it is a place most people cannot go.
I searched diligently for the canyon that wasn't even visible well. Regrettably, nothing was seen properly. It was then that someone tapped my shoulder.
I turned my head back and looked at the person who tapped my shoulder.
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