The demons begged them not to play.
The walls trembled. Cerberus whimpered. Several souls hid in the vents.
Because Delta held the Uno deck.
And Rei sat across from him, serene, calm, and ready for war.
Hades stood nearby as referee.
Which was a mistake.
Delta dealt the cards.
The cards dealt themselves back.
"…Hey," Delta muttered. "Stop resisting."
Rei picked her hand up peacefully.
Delta picked his up with growing concern.
"…Why do I have eight Draw 4s."
Hades rubbed his temples. "Because Hell hates you."
Narrator:
Delta planned violence.
Delta glared upward. "No I didn't. I planned strategy."
Rei: "You planned violence."
"…Okay, yes."
Rei placed a calm, gentle blue 3.
Delta slammed down a Draw 4 like he was starting Armageddon.
Rei blinked. "Already?"
Delta leaned back smugly. "Skill issue."
Rei quietly drew her four cards.
Delta snickered.
Rei placed another Draw 4.
Delta: "HEY—"
Hades stepped in. "You can't stack those."
Rei turned to him.
Hades backed away. "…You can absolutely stack those."
Delta hissed, "Coward."
Hades whispered, "I value my existence."
The pile grew.
The tension grew.
Delta's eye twitched.
Rei smiled peacefully.
Cerberus hid behind a pillar.
Rei placed a Reverse card.
Delta froze. "Who are you reversing to— it's just us—"
Narrator:
Delta realized too late.
Rei played Draw 2.
Delta drew.
Rei played Draw 2.
Delta drew again.
Rei played Draw 2.
Delta stared at his overflowing hand.
"…Are you targeting me."
Rei nodded. "Yes."
Delta's jaw dropped. "Rei. My beloved. My trusted companion. My battle partner."
Rei smiled. "Yes?"
Delta pointed at her cards. "You are a menace."
A crowd gathered.
Bets were placed.
Someone sold popcorn.
One demon whispered,
"I bet Delta flips the table."
Another whispered,
"I bet Rei flips Delta."
Rei played a simple yellow 5.
Delta narrowed his eyes.
"I'm onto you."
Rei blinked. "Onto what."
"That wasn't a normal 5. That was a calculated 5."
Narrator:
It was not.
Delta shouted, "STOP CONTRADICTING ME."
The table shook.
The deck glowed.
Rei calmly said, "Delta. Please don't break the UNO dimension."
Delta finally saw it.
The perfect card.
He slammed it down.
"UNO."
The crowd gasped.
Hades whispered, "History is being made—"
Rei placed a card without even blinking.
Draw 4. Red.
Delta stared.
Rei said softly, "Color: suffering."
Delta drew four cards so aggressively the deck squealed.
"REI. HOW MANY OF THESE DO YOU HAVE."
Rei sorted her hand elegantly. "Enough."
The Ending No One Survives
Delta, dozens of cards in hand, finally placed a matching yellow.
"Hah! Your turn—"
Rei placed her final card.
A Skip.
Hades stood. "Rei wins."
The demons erupted.
The ground cracked.
The table exploded.
Delta pointed dramatically.
"No rematch."
Rei smiled gently.
"Yes, rematch."
Delta groaned. "Rei— I will throw this entire deck into the sun—"
Narrator:
He would not.
"STOP."
Uno Results:
Winner: Rei
Loser: Delta
Casualties: 1 table, 47 bets, 3 spectators
Banned: UNO in Hell (again)