Ted's Living Room, 2030
"Dad, why didn't Aunt Robin tell you guys how she saw Aunt Alyx that day?" asked his daughter, somewhat worried by the clear suffering she could see just from the story.
"Well, daughter, Robin didn't tell us at the time because she didn't expect it to get worse. She thought it was Alyx's coping mechanism, just as she had her hobby at the shooting range, she believed Alyx was working out her emotions through martial arts and that the dark circles were like when Marshall wasn't eating or sleeping but eventually got better."
"But Dad, she took care of Uncle Marshall, and you guys did too, didn't you?" said his daughter, confused.
"Yes," affirmed Ted, with nostalgia and a touch of guilt, he continued, "She always took care of him after Lily left, and we did too. She was that silent support who was always there, and we always saw her as so strong—how she handled herself, her emotions, everything. That's what Robin saw and believed, based on everything Lily had told her and what she herself had seen about Alyx. But she didn't account for the fact that Alyx also went through her own breakup and pain with Marshall and Lily. Plus, she expected her to improve like Marshall did, but Marshall had leaned too heavily on Alyx and us. And Alyx couldn't, having isolated herself so much within herself."
"And when did you help her?" asked his son, now immersed in the story and worried about his favorite aunt.
"Well, it took some time before we realized we had taken for granted Alyx's solo improvement—that she didn't need us like Marshall did. And we didn't realize that she wasn't just that support, that foundation for Marshall and Lily, but for us too. And just as she supported and helped us as best she could when we needed it, now she needed us. She wanted to be seen and helped, and she certainly deserved it—she needed someone to help her unload that weight she was carrying alone."
Back to 2006
The canvas with the silhouette from behind remained unfinished. Alyx was unable to find the color she wanted to give the emptiness inside the silhouette. She thought of a gray to show indecision, a blue for melancholy, or a black like her cigarette butts. She didn't know which, but the painting felt so personal that it remained as she felt—without a defined color, like the emotional and life stagnation she was experiencing.
Loneliness was like discovering a new muscle, especially after being surrounded for so long by her favorite people. Now, discovering loneliness sometimes felt cramped or tense from the excess silence in her new home.
Now, the tremors in her hands were faithful companions that stayed by her side; their intensity had its own meaning. A minor tremor meant she had consumed less coffee that day or had completely exhausted her energy after an intense Muay Thai session that had drained her demons. More trembling meant she had painted something that scared her, had drunk too much coffee to avoid sleeping, or had spent too much time thinking about the notebook, the Polaroid, or Lily's earring that she had hidden away.
One afternoon after leaving her training, she decided to get a specialty coffee from a small shop near her new apartment—a luxury she allowed herself now that money wasn't a problem. The universe, so humorous and dramatic, seemed to decide to collide two of her favorite dramas: couples that break up and common places you can't escape.
Lily was in line, two people ahead. Alyx recognized her instantly as she joined the line—from the curve of her shoulders (now in a more hunched posture) to her hair, once red and longer (now with a less flattering cut and darker tones). Alyx was about to turn around instinctively, but it was too late. She wasn't prepared to see Lily turn to pay, and her green eyes—always so expressive—met Alyx's.
The world stopped for both of them in that long fraction of a second, and Alyx had nowhere to hide, nor did she feel capable of fleeing with Lily staring fixedly at her with those beautiful green eyes. Now surrounded by the aroma of roasted coffee beans filling every space, she felt a turmoil she hadn't expected from her addictive consumption of it.
Lily paled quickly, and Alyx noticed her fingers gripping her purse like a lifeline.
"Alyx," said Lily in a hoarse whisper.
"Lily," responded Alyx with a nod intended to be neutral but came out stiff.
An awkward silence fell between them, so dense the barista seemed to feel it. "Uh... for here or to go?" he asked.
Lily seemed to snap out of a trance. "To go, thanks." She paid quickly and, instead of leaving, waited to the side.
Alyx placed her order. "A large Americano to go, please." Her voice didn't tremble (something she secretly prided herself on).
"How... are you?" Lily asked hesitantly as the barista went to prepare the espresso.
"Fine," said Alyx, staring fixedly at the machine and praying it would be faster. "Busy. The new apartment is good."
"I'm glad," murmured Lily.
Then, in a burst of desperate courage, she said, "Can we... sit for a moment? Just a moment."
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