The Gang Gets A Notebook (I)
EXT. SOUTH PHILLY STREET — DAY
CHARLIE(walking down the sidewalk, humming a nonsense tune, swinging his arms like a child who just got out of time-out)
♪ "BIRD LAW, BIRD LAW, GONNA TAKE YOU TO THE—" ♪
(A SHADOW whips past him.)
CRICKET(stumbling out of an alley at full speed, sweating, drooling, eyes bugged out, shirt half-buttoned like he lost a fight with a closet)
Charlie—Charlie—CHARLIE—
CHARLIE(delighted, clapping once)
Oh hey! Cricket!
I love a Cricket breakdown. What was it this time? Crack? Smack? Whack? Mac?
WAS IT MAC?!
CRICKET(grabs Charlie by the shoulders like he's about to confess to murder, then shoves a black notebook into Charlie's hands like it's a live animal)
No—no—no, Charlie, listen—
I've had this for like… a week.
A WEEK, Charlie—take it—take it—take it—
CHARLIE(already flipping it open immediately, distracted)
Okay… alright…
CRICKET(words tripping over themselves, frantic)
I think… I think I'm done with drugs.
CHARLIE(squinting, suspicious)
…Again?
CRICKET(backing away, shaking his head like he's trying to fling demons off his ears)
This time it's real. This time it's… spiritual.
CHARLIE(looking down at the notebook, annoyed)
Aw damn it.
CRICKET(still retreating, twitching)
What?
CHARLIE(tapping the pages)
It's a reading book.
I guess I gotta find Frank.
CRICKET(voice cracking, pointing vaguely at the notebook like it radiates plague)
No no no—Charlie—don't—just—
Just throw it out. Burn it. Eat it. I don't care. Just—
I wrote stuff in it, Charlie! I wrote— I wrote words!
It didn't fix anything! It made everything… worse!
CHARLIE(half-listening, fascinated by the pages)
Uh-huh. Yeah. That's books.
(Cricket turns and speed-walks away like a haunted Roomba.)
CRICKET(over his shoulder, desperate)
DO NOT BRING THAT BACK TO ME!
CHARLIE(calling after him, casual)
Alright, see ya later, man! Congratulations on the sobriety!
(Charlie shrugs, flips a few pages. The inside is full of rules, tiny print, and ominous "IF/THEN" language. Charlie squints like the paper is personally insulting him.)
CHARLIE(reading badly, out loud — and absolutely wrong)
"Th—th… thuh… the—"
Okay. So it's aggressive.
(He flips the notebook the other way. He was holding it upside down.)
CHARLIE(matter-of-fact)
Oh. That's on me.
(Charlie turns.
A TALL, SKELETAL, SMILING… THING is floating behind him. Wrong energy. Way too calm. Like it's waiting for a bus.)
RYUK(pleasantly bored, hovering)
…
CHARLIE(instant scream, full body recoil)
AAAAAAAHHHH—!
SMASH TO BLACK.
TITLE CARD: THE GANG GETS A NOTEBOOK