June tossed and turned in her bed. Shifted from side to side. But no matter how much she tried, sleep wouldn't come to her.
It was that familiar feeling. Insomnia, she was back.
"Well nice to meet her again," June thought.
They had a lot to unpack together. Maybe this time, she'd help June finally let him go.
She turned to face the ceiling. The three voices in her head were louder than ever. They mocked her.
"Look at her… crying over a boy."
The voices were cruel but right.
Yeah, she thought, see me cry over a boy.
Her phone vibrated. A notification. Her breath caught in her throat. She reached for it quickly, heart pounding.
A text.
hey, you asleep yet?
It was him.
After all those months he finally reached out.
It took her back. Back to the second time they met. She could never forget it. It was engraved in her memory.
A week had passed since orientation. June had almost forgotten about him.
She was on campus, taking a short walk, earphones in, listening to some soft classical music as she headed to the library. The air was calm, but she couldn't shake the feeling that someone was following her.
She clutched her books tighter, paused her music, and walked faster.
The footsteps behind her quickened.
She clutched her books tighter, paused her music, and walked faster.
The footsteps behind her quickened.
Panic surged through her. She started running.
She didn't care who it was. She just needed to get somewhere...anywhere...with people.
Thoughts raced through her mind. Should I scream? Should I fight?
She didn't see the stone ahead.
She tripped.
Really hard.
Her body hit the ground and pain jolted through her ankle. She growled under her breath, sitting up with difficulty. A twisted ankle.
Then someone knelt beside her and reached out a hand.
"We meet again, blue."
It was a familiar voice.
"I had been calling you...Why were you running?"
June's heart was still racing.
She slowly raised her face up to see who he was and she couldn't recognise him.
"You are?" She asked curious. " Why were you following me?"
"Wow!" The guy exclaimed disappointed. "It's me, the orientation guy."
He smiled again. That smile. How could she have forgotten that smile?
"Oh," she muttered. "Smiley face."
The nickname slipped out.
He burst into laughter. "I've got a nickname now?"
She tried to stand, but a sharp flare of pain shot through her ankle, pinning her down.
"Twisted ankle?" he asked, concerned.
She nodded.
"Let's get you seated somewhere." He scanned the area, then suddenly lifted her to a nearby bench.
A second guy appeared this one out of breath. Tall and dressed similar to the first guy
Dexter.
June didn't know his name though.
"I was still talking when you ran off," Dexter complained. "Why do you always do that?"
He spotted June, sitted trying to massage her ankle.
"Oh, it's you," he blurted. "The girl who doesn't talk!"
His voice was loud and unfiltered.
"What happened here?"
"She fell," the first guy said. "Twisted her ankle."
"You need help getting to the clinic or something?" Dexter asked.
June barely whispered, "No… I'll be fine. It's nothing."
He tilted his head, leaning in so close she could feel his breath.
"Yes?" he asked.
She shifted uncomfortably, leaning back. His closeness made her nervous.
He noticed it, so he instead squatted next to her and pulled out his phone.
"This fall's on me," he said with a light laugh. "I should take responsibility."
He held out his phone. "If your leg still hurts, text me… Let's be friends. I've got a feeling we'll get along."
And there it was again, that smile. The kind that lingered even after you looked away.
Behind him, Dexter scoffed, rolling his eyes like he'd seen this a hundred times before.
"Hey," he interrupted. "I don't know if you know me. We're from the same class...I'm Dexter. This punk's best friend."
June's fingers dug into her skin, her feet trembling under their watchful eyes. Every second stretched too long. She just wanted to run. Snatching the guy's phone, she hurriedly punched in her number and shoved it back without meeting his eyes. A sharp jolt of pain ripped through her ankle, but she forced herself upright and limped away before either of them could stop her.
"Strange girl," Dexter muttered.
The smile lingered on the first guy's face as he watched her go. He hadn't even heard Dexter.
"I want to get to know her," he said quietly.
June hated herself for giving him her number. She could've walked away, but curiosity got the best of her. She needed to know who this guy was, why she was getting drawn to him
The same guy who shattered her so completely, she forgot what sunlight even meant.
Dear diary,
He has texted me again. I don't know what to say.
All I've been doing is staring at my phone, at his text.
~ June
June still couldn't sleep. She stared at her phone. At the message. She didn't want to reply.
Back then, she would reply as soon as the message came in. Now she didn't know what to say.
When they were friends, they would text till late night.
They didn't talk much, just learning about eachother, more so her.
He seemed overly interested in her and mostly asked about her than himself. He wanted to know what she liked to eat, her hobbies; if she slept well or not, had a good day or not; places she wanted to visit. Way too much about her. Not him
June had blamed herself for long, she should have known then. He had never once told her about himself. He preferred to stay mysterious to her. She thought maybe if she knew more about him, whatever happened would have been avoided.
Blue, was what he called her.... because then her blue braids were memorable to him. He said they brought out her brown eyes. Blue so happened to be her favourite colour.
After the second encounter, she had been avoiding him for awhile. She had thought about it. Why was this guy overly interested in her. Why was he everywhere?
Her past experience with friends had taught her not to trust anyone. She believed no matter how lonely she was, nothing good came out of being around people. That way she didn't have to deal with the noise that followed.
One time she had left early for campus, she was still avoiding him, and Dexter. He was a first year student, what did he have to worry about? He still had enough time to party around while she had a lot of work to catch up on.
Towards her classroom, she spotted Dexter.
He was standing in one of the corners talking to a group of boys, he seemed to be in a good mood, he laughed really loud and hard. Their eyes met for a bit, he raised his hand to wave and she turned away immediately and hurriedly entered class. Dexter came in after her
"Hi blue!"
June was irritated. Blue, who said he could her that. There was something about him that she didn't like... He gave up a familiar aura that she couldn't trust.
She had decided, no, she wasn't going to talk to him or his friend Smiley: she didn't bother to learn his name.
Well I guess you won't talk to me either. Dexter said with his voice sad. " I just thought we could be friends too"
Friends, June thought. What good did they bring?
A few minutes later Smiley face came in, he dashed past Dexter without saying hi to him and straight up to her
"hey, did I annoy you in any way, " he asked anxious.
She instead put her earphones in, pulled out a her books from her bag to study.
"Well am staying here till you talk to me." He said as he pulled a seat from a nearby locker and sat right Infront of her. His hands on his cheeks leaning on her locker.
Dexter thought it wasn't a good idea. And tried to talk him out of it. He still failed. He was determined. He wasn't moving until June spoke to him.
June's body tensed up. She never liked to be watched. Moreso by this strange guy. Her legs shook vigorously and she sweated excessively.
Furious, she got up, picked her books up, water bottle and stormed out of the class.
"She was clearly uncomfortable." Dexter stressed.
His friend didn't listen, he got up and followed after her keeping his distance.
June felt some one was following her. She looked back and saw him. " The hell"
She moved even faster and this time was careful not to trip. He followed closely not trying to catch up just watching her.
This was even more terrifying, why was he following her. She clearly didn't want to talk to him. He should have understood that. She wanted her old life back.
She finally arrived at the library, he still followed her in. Didn't sit next to her. Just from a point where he could watch her.
What a strange guy he was!
He sat there, quietly watching her study until he dozed off.
She glanced up from her books. He was asleep, the window light shone on him clearly making him uncomfortable. Her eyes lingered longer than they should. Why was he still here?
She pulled out her jacket and put it over the window next to him, picked up her books and bottle and left the library.
He seemed tired. June saw it through his eyes. Maybe he could sleep comfortably and she could leave without being followed.
Dear Diary,
Anxiety's got me in its grip again
It's been months since I had decent sleep.
I deleted the text, and now I'm stuck in a loop.
My phone taunts me, and I can't help but peek,
hoping he'll reach out. Even though I believe he won't,
And my heart refuses to listen.
Tears stream down my face, a jarring contrast to the heat in my head.
~ June