A long time had passed since Lord Ainz and Master Kawasaki left the restaurant. As the bell tolled for midnight, the Floor Guardians finally filed out, their movements sluggish and heavy with shame.
"A failure... a total, utter failure..." Demiurge muttered, his voice sounding as though it were bleeding. "To be outdone by a human... a mere mortal found him first. What a disgrace."
The sentiment was shared by all. The moment his words reached their ears, the dam of suppressed emotions broke.
"Why didn't you notice?!" Shalltear snapped at Aura. "You were the one searching the perimeter of Carne Village!"
"Don't you dare pin this on me!" Aura shot back. "You were the one flying your minions all over the place. Why didn't they see him?"
"Enough," Cocytus rumbled, his icy breath misting the air. "Master Kawasaki was wearing his Mythic-grade gear. It was crafted and gifted by the Supreme Beings themselves. It has an innate chance to erase his presence from perception. It is only natural we struggled to find him."
They all fell silent. They knew it was a valid reason, but in their hearts, it felt like a pathetic excuse.
"Master Kawasaki has lost his trust in us," Demiurge whispered. "Taking that human as his personal attendant is proof. We are supposed to be the tools of the Supreme Beings. If we cannot even be trusted to perform a simple search, what use are we?"
"But she's just a human," Shalltear muttered. "Surely it's just a whim of the Master's?"
"If only that were true," Albedo sighed. "Master Kawasaki is a True Neutral. He accepts both light and shadow, balance above all else. Remember how often he mediated between Touch Me and Ulbert? He values those who provide results. A human found him and treated his wounds. We did not. In his eyes, that human is currently more reliable than the Floor Guardians of Nazarick."
The weight of that judgment pressed down on them. To be seen as inferior to a mortal by the ones they loved most was a fate worse than death.
***
"I suppose it was exactly as I predicted," a theatrical voice rang out. Pandora's Actor stood nearby, adjusting his military cap.
The Guardians turned their murderous glares toward him. "You knew?" Albedo demanded. "I asked you why Lord Ainz was in such a good mood, and you said nothing!"
"I am an actor, my lady! I wait for the script to unfold," he replied with a sweeping bow. "Lord Ainz's joy was his own to share. Besides, I only knew because I hold his Ring of Wandering; I knew he intended to take a human form. But I wanted to see if you would realize the truth on your own."
"You...!" Shalltear lunged, her fist clenched, but the Doppelganger stepped back with a graceful, exaggerated skip.
"Violence is so unrefined," he chided. "Listen to me. You treat the Supreme Beings as distant, perfect gods. But they are alive. They laugh, they mourn, and they struggle. Lord Ainz is currently 'acting' as the Great Ruler you desire, but that role exhausts his soul. If you continue to force the image of a 'Perfect God' onto him, you will never truly touch his heart."
His face, usually a blank, three-holed slate, suddenly contorted with an intensity that chilled them to the bone.
"I am Pandora's Actor. I do not serve the title of 'Ainz Ooal Gown.' I serve the man, Momonga. If any of you become an obstacle to his happiness by forcing your expectations upon him... you will find me to be your greatest enemy."
With a final, elegant bow, he vanished toward the Treasury, leaving the Guardians in a stunned, thoughtful silence.
***
The following morning at the Sixth Floor's Amphitheater, a different kind of chaos was unfolding.
"I'm going to smash it! I'm going to break this stupid pot!" Kawasaki roared, brandishing a massive kitchen hammer.
"Kawasaki! Calm down! Please!" Momonga (Ainz) was desperately trying to hold the orange chef back. "These are valuable Yggdrasil items! We need them!"
Scattered across the arena floor was a mountain of... junk. There were minor healing potions, scrolls, and a few pieces of scrap metal. But most prominently, there were piles of colorful, frilly underwear, lace-trimmed lingerie, and "adult" themed books.
"Why does 'Everything Becomes Ingredients' keep spitting out panties and smut?!" Kawasaki screamed. "Don't mock my profession!"
The experiment had seemed simple: Summon 500 low-level skeletons and zombies (which cost no gold) and use Kawasaki's ultimate skill to turn them into ingredients.
📦 Results of the "Ingredient" Conversion
| Item Category | Quantity | Notes |
| ------------------------ | -------- | ------------------------------------------------------ |
| Minor Healing Potions | 50 | Useful, but underwhelming for Level 100s. |
| Random Scrolls | 30 | Low-tier magic. |
| "Naughty" Lingerie | 200+ | Ranging from Cat-themed to Completely Transparent. |
| "Special Interest" Books | 15 | Titles like 100 Ways to Seduce a Reluctant Man. |
| Actual Food | 3 | A few shriveled pieces of jerky. |
"It's a disaster!" Kawasaki yelled, points at a book titled The Last Samurai: A Guide to Proper Sword Care. "Cocytus, you want this trash?!"
"I. WOULD. BE. HONORED. TO. READ. IT," Cocytus rumbled, taking the book with all four hands.
"And you, Aura! Here's a photo book of fluffy animals!"
"Yay! Thanks, Master Kawasaki!"
The chef then picked up a bottle of "Breast Enhancement Serum" and a book titled How to Hunt Herbivore Men. He looked at the items, then at Albedo, then at Momonga. He sighed and tossed them into a nearby fire pit.
"NOOOOO!" Albedo and Shalltear screamed in unison as their "hopes for the future" went up in smoke.
***
Later, in a more serious meeting, Ainz, Kawasaki, and Clementine reviewed the data on the Slane Theocracy.
"They are a nation built on the survival of humanity at the cost of all others," Clementine explained, now dressed in a comfortable robe. "They have the Six Scriptures, and the Black Scripture is their trump card. They use the 'God-kin'—descendants of the Six Great Gods—who wield legendary equipment."
"They have a World Item," Kawasaki noted, his eyes narrowing. "Clementine mentioned a white cheongsam called Downfall of Castle and Country. It can mind-control even the undead."
"Then we must be cautious," Ainz said. "Demiurge, you are to formulate a plan to neutralize the Black Scripture without exposing Nazarick's strength. No pride, no arrogance. Assume they are as strong as us until proven otherwise."
"As you command, Lord Ainz," Demiurge replied, his eyes gleaming with a frightening intellect.
Kawasaki added one more task. "I want to try something on Nigun, the captain of the Sunlight Scripture you captured. Clementine says he used to advocate for demi-human cooperation before he suddenly turned into a genocidal fanatic. It smells like brainwashing."
"You think your cooking can fix him?" Ainz asked.
"My 'Trial Cooking' skill can reset karma values and clear mental interference. I'll feed him a 'Pot-au-feu' from his homeland. If his soul is still in there, the taste will pull it out."
***
Late that night, Shiho (the Head Chef) visited Albedo's private quarters. She wasn't in her uniform, but a simple black dress.
"Here," Shiho said, handing Albedo a bundle. It was a hand-knitted plushie of Master Kawasaki.
"Oh... Master Kawasaki..." Shiho whispered, hugging the doll. She was a secret masochist who lived for Kawasaki's blunt scoldings.
In exchange, Albedo handed over a stack of high-quality "spy" photos she had taken of Lord Ainz in both his skeleton and human forms.
"Lord Ainz..." Albedo swooned, pressing the photos to her cheeks.
The two were "Psychic Twins." Both had been programmed with hidden settings by their creators (Peroroncino and Tabula) that made them obsessively devoted—one seeking to be a perfect bride, the other seeking to be a scolded servant. They sat in the dim light, two high-level NPCs bonded by their secret, overwhelming love for the two men who had returned to save their world.
Next Menu: Pot-au-feu
Translator Note: Pot-au-feu (pronounced poh-toh-fuh), which translates literally to "pot on the fire," is a quintessential, rustic French dish consisting of slowly boiled beef and root vegetables
***
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