Unfortunately, I wasn't chosen for the first group. Being relegated to the second shift was disappointing enough, but seeing Lord Ainz leave before I could eat with him made it even worse. I had hoped to share a meal, but then I realized this was his own form of consideration.
I see. If he ate with Master Kawasaki, it would have caused such a stir that no one could have enjoyed their meal in peace.
Since Master Kawasaki was occupied with the cooking, he was scheduled for the second shift as well. If Lord Ainz joined him, the dining hall would have descended into chaos. While I was sad, I accepted the logic. Master Kawasaki was different from the other forty members who had abandoned Nazarick; he had visited every single day, talking with Lord Ainz and preparing meals before departing again. Now, he was here to stay. He was my mentor in the culinary arts, and I held him in high regard.
As these thoughts crossed my mind, my ticket began to glow. It was my turn. I set my quill down and stood up just as Lord Ainz returned to the office.
"Lord Ainz, I am heading to the canteen now."
"Go on. Take your time and enjoy yourself."
Lord Ainz, still in his human form, took his seat. While his form as an Overlord was magnificent, his human appearance possessed a different, quiet beauty. Both versions of him carried an indescribable charm.
"Albedo."
I turned back at the sound of his voice. He looked slightly conflicted before speaking.
"Tell the second group... that I helped prepare the Mild and Medium curries under Kawasaki's guidance."
Lord Ainz... with his own hands?! For a servant, such a thing was a luxury beyond words. Surely, no greater delicacy existed in this world.
"Understood, my Lord. I shall inform them."
I bowed and left the office, walking briskly toward the canteen. I think I passed Lupusregina and Narberal on the way, but I didn't care.
"Albedo! Slow down, you're acting quite unrefined," a voice called out.
It was Shiho. I slowed my pace as she caught up, shrugging her shoulders.
"You're right," I admitted. "That was unbecoming of the Overseer."
"Let's go. It is a joyous thing to partake in Master Kawasaki's cooking."
"Indeed. And Lord Ainz mentioned that he personally helped prepare the Mild and Medium versions."
My announcement caused a wave of excitement to ripple through the servants waiting outside the hall. Kawasaki's food was already a treasure, but knowing Lord Ainz had a hand in it made it the ultimate reward.
"Ooh... to go that far for us... I shall surely repay this favor with results," Cocytus rumbled, his mandibles clicking in excitement.
"Well, we shall see about that, won't we?"
The theatrical voice cut through our excitement. The speaker was unmistakable.
"Pandora's Actor."
"Greetings, Overseer. You look radiant," he said, adjusting his cap.
This man was currently the one to watch most closely; he knew Lord Ainz better than any other Guardian and had already declared his willingness to oppose us if necessary. What confused me, however, was seeing him standing with Demiurge. They were perhaps the most mismatched pair in all of Nazarick.
"Were you in the second shift as well?" I asked.
"No, no. I gave my ticket to Aura. I wished to speak with Demiurge in private... specifically about the mission Lord Ainz entrusted to him."
I narrowed my eyes at his exaggerated gestures. "That mission was given to Demiurge alone. Are you intending to interfere?"
"Perish the thought! I simply wished to hear the details. As the one responsible for the Treasury and equipment, I must ensure everything is prepared, no?"
His blank, three-holed face made it impossible to read his emotions.
"It is fine, Albedo," Demiurge said. "I, too, wished for a private word with him."
Before I could respond, the canteen doors swung open.
"Sorry to keep you waiting! Second shift, come on in!" Kawasaki shouted. "The menu is Curry Rice and Lassi. We have every topping under the sun, and it's self-service. Take only what you can finish! Pink tables are Mild, Yellow are Medium, and Red are Hot. Be warned: the Red tables are dangerous! Oh, and Cocytus, I've got a special Extra-Mild pot for you. Look for the one with your face drawn on it. Don't mix it up!"
"…I. Thank. You. For. Your. Kindness," Cocytus bowed deeply. As a Vermin Lord, his palate leaned naturally toward sweeter flavors. Kawasaki's consideration for the servants was truly profound.
"And one more thing," Kawasaki added. "Do not touch my personal curry. It's too spicy. If you really want a taste, talk to me first. Seconds are allowed, but no leftovers! Waste is a sin in my kitchen! Now, let's eat!"
We filed into the canteen. Knowing Lord Ainz had helped make the Mild and Medium versions, there was an immediate rush for the Yellow tables. Very few people headed for the Mild section, and I decided to wait a moment; pushing through the crowd would be beneath my station.
"What is it, Shiho?" I asked, noticing her biting her thumb.
She looked at me with an intense, crazed expression. "I was just wondering... if I should scoop an impossible amount and force Master Kawasaki to give me a lecture for wasting food."
"Don't you dare."
Shiho was a friend, but her extreme masochism was beyond my comprehension. Shalltear might have encouraged her, but I would not.
"He wouldn't just lecture you. He'd be genuinely furious that you insulted his profession by wasting ingredients."
"…You're right. Thank you, Albedo. I'm calm now."
When our turn finally came, I served myself a dignified portion of rice and ladled on the Beef Curry. The aroma was divine. I sat down and put my hands together, but then I hesitated.
"What's wrong?" Shiho asked.
"I was just thinking... Lord Ainz made this. Eating this is essentially consuming his love."
Shiho, Narberal, and Solution stared at me. They clearly thought I was overthinking it, but they knew better than to argue with my obsession.
"Indeed!" Pandora's Actor shouted, throwing fuel on the fire. "Master Kawasaki always says that cooking is an expression of affection!"
"Exactly!" I squealed, my face flushing a deep crimson. "To think we are allowed to eat such a thing... their kindness is almost terrifying!"
"Truly!" Pandora's Actor agreed, a wicked, calculated grin hidden behind his mask.
I took a bite. It was spectacular. Knowing Lord Ainz had made it added a layer of psychological bliss, but the quality of the food itself was undeniable. The vegetables had melted into a rich, complex base, and the rice was perfectly firm. I finished my first bowl in record time.
"Shiho, what should I get for my second serving?"
"Mmm... the seafood is packed with ingredients. It's excellent."
I stood up with my empty plate and headed for the seafood cauldron.
***
"It's so good... I feel like I could eat this forever," Solution mused.
"Well, you can eat as much as you want, can't you?" Narberal replied, keeping her distance from the still-fuming Albedo.
Solution, being a Shoggoth, had no concept of being "full." She was happily sampling every curry with every possible topping.
While the rest of the canteen was filled with the happy sounds of dining, a strange tension radiated from one corner. Pandora's Actor and Demiurge sat across from one another.
"Demiurge," Pandora's Actor said, setting his spoon down with a sharp clack. "Shall we play a game?"
Demiurge wiped his mouth with a napkin. "I have work to do. If you have something to say, say it quickly."
"Tsk, tsk. You're too wound up. If you lack composure, you'll only repeat your previous failures."
Demiurge's aura flared with killing intent. "Pandora's Actor, this is Master Kawasaki's sanctuary. Do you really wish to provoke me here?"
"I'm merely suggesting a game," the Doppelganger replied smoothly, unaffected by the pressure. "If you win, I will tell you everything. Every secret Lord Ainz whispered in the Treasury... all of it."
"That is disrespectful. You have no right to share his private words."
"On the contrary, Master Kawasaki has given me special orders. I have permission to disclose whatever is necessary to ensure the stability of the Tomb."
Demiurge frowned. Kawasaki rarely issued direct orders. Was it a bluff?
"And if I win," Pandora's Actor continued, "I want permission to advise you on your current mission."
"You think my strategy is lacking?"
"Not at all," he laughed. "But are you willing to bet? Or are you afraid of losing to me?"
"…Very well. What is the game? Cards? Darts?"
"This is a canteen. Let us settle this with food."
Pandora's Actor stood up and walked over to Kawasaki, who was eating alone at a small table.
"Master Kawasaki? Demiurge and I find the spicy curry a bit... lackluster. We were hoping to try your personal blend."
"Are you sure?" Kawasaki asked, looking up. "It's got a kick."
"We are certain."
Kawasaki shrugged and went to the kitchen. When he returned, he placed two bowls on the table.
"Here you go. My 'Hell Curry' special."
The two Guardians stared at the plates. Their internal monologues momentarily shattered.
It didn't look like curry. It looked like a pool of molten lava that had been simmering for a century. It was an unnatural, vibrant red, and the scent alone was enough to make their eyes water. It radiated a malevolent aura that seemed to say: 'I am a crime against nature, nice to meet you.'
"I'm just finishing the spiced chicken thighs. Eat slowly," Kawasaki said with a grin before heading back to the kitchen.
Pandora's Actor and Demiurge gripped their spoons.
"Thank you for the food," they whispered, their voices trembling with genuine fear.
They took the first bite.
***
Pain. Heat. Agony.
It wasn't "spicy" or "delicious." It was a physical assault. Demiurge felt like a fireball had exploded in his throat. He reached for his water, then forced his hand back. This was a duel.
"Nngh... this is... impressive," Demiurge managed to wheeze.
"Is that all? I find it... quite refreshing," Pandora's Actor lied, his voice three octaves higher than usual.
Each bite was a cycle of torture followed by a brief, high-level umami peak. It was edible, but only barely.
"Gah... huff...!" Pandora's Actor's body began to twitch. He unbuttoned his military tunic and threw his cap onto the table, his egg-like head slick with sweat.
"Giving up?" Demiurge asked, though his own tail was lashing back and forth uncontrollably.
"Never! I will not lose!"
"Demiurge? Are you alright?" Cocytus asked, noticing the strange behavior.
"I am perfectly fine," Demiurge replied, though his tail was now spasming.
"Your. Tail. Is. Doing. Something. Weird."
Demiurge looked back. His tail was thrashing against his will, a physical manifestation of the agony he was suppressing. He let out a strained laugh.
"Here's the chicken," Kawasaki announced, dropping two massive, bone-in thighs into their bowls. "I simmered them in the spice oil."
He doubled down?! The chicken was a dark, bruised red. The sauce had penetrated to the bone. Demiurge and Pandora's Actor shared a look of pure terror as cold sweat began to pour down their faces.
***
I reached for the chicken. It fell off the bone instantly. If the meat had been white inside, there might have been hope.
It's red all the way through!
I swallowed hard. This wasn't food anymore; it was a hazardous substance.
"Demiurge... Actor... are you sure you're okay?" Cocytus asked again.
"Of course!" I squeaked, shoving a piece of chicken into my mouth.
My consciousness flickered. For a second, I saw the white light of the afterlife. The spice was a bomb. I clutched my throat, unable to even scream.
I can't use the rice to cool it down, I realized. The new sauce has completely soaked the rice. There is no white left!
Demiurge looked just as desperate. We were both in the middle of a war of pride.
Why am I doing this? I thought. Oh, right. To humble him.
Demiurge looked down on humans. That was fine for an Archdevil, but in this world, arrogance was a death sentence. I needed him to understand that even "weak" things—like a spice or a mortal—could be a threat if underestimated.
"Giving... up... yet?" I wheezed.
"Don't... be... ridiculous..." Demiurge gasped, his face a mask of suffering.
He was a terrible liar. His sweat was forming a puddle on the table.
"This... stimulating flavor... I shall... never forget it..." Demiurge whispered.
Is that a promise or a trauma? I wondered.
Then I noticed something. The skin of the chicken was fatty. The oil from the skin was actually neutralizing the spice just a tiny bit. If I saved the skin for the end, I could make it.
"Guh... my throat... it's burning..."
"Hah... I can't... feel my tongue..."
How could food be this violent? I looked over and saw Sebas and Master Kawasaki chatting casually over the same red curry.
"My word, Master Kawasaki," Sebas said, taking a hearty bite. "The spice is quite invigorating. The 'Hot' version was a bit mild for my taste, but this... this is truly excellent."
"Glad you like it, Sebas. It's my best work."
Are they insane?! I screamed internally. How are they eating that like it's a bowl of soup?!
"Actor and Demiurge wanted a challenge," Kawasaki noted.
"I see. But they don't seem to be making much progress. Perhaps it isn't spicy enough for them?"
"Maybe. I've got some extra ghost pepper powder if they want it."
NO! PLEASE! STAY AWAY!
Demiurge's hands were shaking so hard he had to remove his glasses. His jewel-like eyes were wide with a mix of resolve and madness. He unbuttoned his shirt. He was going for a "Power-Eat."
"GRAAAH!"
Demiurge began shoveling the curry into his mouth with a feral intensity. His tail went into full-blown convulsions. I realized I was about to lose. I had to end this.
"Alle von unserem Schöpfer! (All for my creator!)"
I lifted the plate and tilted it back, forcing the remaining slurry into my mouth. My body shook with every swallow. My vision went dark, but I pushed through with sheer willpower.
Clack.
I set the plate down. It was empty. Demiurge was staring at his own plate, which still had a single spoonful of red sauce left.
"Your mistake... was simple... Demiurge," I wheezed, my voice barely a whisper. "You ate... out of pride. I ate... for Momonga. That was the difference."
Demiurge let out a muffled "Gofuh!" and slumped forward. A splash of red liquid (hopefully just curry) leaked from his mouth. He was motionless.
"I win," I gasped, fumbling for my cap. "I expect... you to keep... your word."
"…(No response. He is a corpse.)"
"DEMIURGE!" Cocytus cried, rushing to his side.
I grabbed a glass of lassi and drank it with the desperation of a man in a desert. I was victorious. Behind me, I heard the nightmare continue.
"Master Kawasaki, may I have a third helping?" Sebas asked politely.
"Coming right up, Sebas."
***
While the battle raged in the canteen, Lupusregina visited the log house on the Sixth Floor.
"I've brought mercy from the Masters~su!"
"Oh! Divine Messenger! We are grateful!" Nigun and his men knelt immediately.
Lupusregina set three pots on the table. Her smile was wide and full of malice. She had intentionally filled the "Hot" pot to the brim while leaving only a tiny amount in the Mild and Medium pots.
"The red lid is spicy, yellow is medium, and pink is mild. There isn't much of the milder ones, so choose carefully. If you leave any behind, Master Kawasaki will be very, very angry~su!"
She giggled as she left. Hehehe! Suffer for me!
Nigun looked at the pots. "The mild and medium are nearly empty. The spicy one is full. Who among you can handle heat?"
No one raised their hand. Spices were worth their weight in gold in the Theocracy; they had no tolerance for it.
"We shall taste the 'Hell' version first. Give thanks for the blessing," Nigun commanded.
They took a bite.
"AGH! MY MOUTH! IT'S ON FIRE!"
They scrambled around the room, clutching their throats.
"Gah... as expected of the food of the Gods... it is... intense!" Nigun wheezed.
"But... it is delicious!" one of his men added. "Beneath the pain, the flavor is incredible!"
"Captain! Let's mix them!"
"Mix the food of the Gods?" Nigun hesitated.
"It's better than wasting it!"
Lupusregina, who had come back to peek through the window, was stunned. She watched as the humans carefully titrated the spicy curry into the mild base until it was just bearable.
They're... adjusting the heat? she thought, her grin faltering. That's actually quite clever~su...
She had intended to watch them suffer, but instead, she was witnessing the birth of human ingenuity in the face of a culinary disaster.
Next — Menu 13: Baking Bread in a Stone Oven (Carne Village)
***
If you want to read 10 chapters ahead or support me, visit my p.a.t.r.e.o.n.c.o.m /Well_being