I hadn't wanted to return home last night. That's the complete truth, I swear it.
The thought alone had been enough to make my stomach twist while I wandered around the streets long after the sun had disappeared.
Last night was really beautiful. Now that I think about it, the night sky felt extra pretty, and there weren't many people driving their annoying, loud cars. Also, it just smelled sort of fresh. It was a one of a kind smell that I can't really describe.
Home has never really felt like a place that I have ever wanted to return to, anyway. Not recently, at least.
After all, my brother has been constantly tormenting me these past few months.
I really hate that bastard with all of my being. That isn't some exaggeration I'm throwing out for dramatic effect either, it's the honest truth. He's always hitting me, always shoving me, always finding some new way to make my life miserable. And somehow, even when he's the one who starts everything, the blame always ends up falling on me. He breaks something? My fault. He gets angry and punches a hole in the wall? My fault again.
Then, like clockwork, I'm the one who gets yelled at. Sometimes punished.
I remember the last time that absolute douchebag beat me up. I hadn't even done anything wrong. He just randomly decided to beat me up.
That day must have been around four or five days ago, if I had to guess. I was sitting on the windowsill about to light up a cigarette for me to smoke when he just went ahead and let himself on in. He entered the room with such force that it felt as if the door would break. It's kinda funny, actually. But it also pisses me off terribly at the same time..
Why does he get all the strength? Is it because he was born first? Man, stuff like that just really pisses me off.
Anyway..
After that he yelled at me for 'stealing' a pack of cigarettes from his stupid friend..
Okay, maybe I did steal it, you caught me. But hey, what was I supposed to do? You don't just leave a pack of cigarettes on the rooftop..
Maybe that's how he knew it was me. That would make a lot of sense now that I think about it. When I skip class, if I'm not outside of the school, I'm on the rooftop, which most other people don't go to. I guess he may have confirmed it in that moment when he saw me with the cigarettes.
It wasn't even a good brand either, so I wouldn't have really minded simply giving them back. But my brother had other plans, I guess.
Oh boy, let me tell you, he really let me have it once he saw those cigarettes. He punched me square in the face with so much force that my head hitting the glass broke the window. Then he grabbed me by the collar and lifted me into the air. He's a much larger guy than me, so he did it with ease. After that, he pinned me up against the wall and just pummeled me. Actually, my injuries from that are still here, specifically the black eye he gave me.
Stuff like getting yelled at only happens when my dad is home, though.
My dad… well, he's probably one of my least favorite people on this entire planet. Which is honestly an impressive accomplishment when you consider just how many people I already despise with every fiber of my damned soul. You'd think the competition would be stiff, but somehow he still manages to rank near the very top.
He's a disgusting person.
Just thinking about him now almost makes me want to throw up the noodles I stole last night.
They were sitting on a bench near the convenience store, unopened and completely untouched. Someone must've forgotten them there. I stared at them for a while before taking them, but eventually I figured, why not? They were going to end up in the trash anyway.
So what's the harm in taking them?
Besides, why does something like that even matter in the first place? They're just noodles. A tiny, meaningless object floating inside the massive emptiness of the universe. Compared to the endless stretch of galaxies and stars, those noodles are nothing more than a microscopic speck.
Actually… so am I. So is everyone else.
People like to pretend otherwise, though. They puff out their chests and walk around, acting as if their tiny actions somehow carry cosmic significance. The worst ones are the people who constantly brag about being "good people."
I don't really get them.
They talk as if simply existing politely makes them morally superior to everyone around them. As if their basic decency deserves applause. Most of the time, they aren't even that good to begin with. They just enjoy pretending they are.
Those kinds of people are the ones I absolutely despise.
Sometimes, when I see them walking around with that smug look on their faces, I get this overwhelming urge to punch them square in the jaw and shout, "Get off your high horse, dickhead!"
Not that I ever actually do it. Still, the thought alone is satisfying enough. Man, why did I have to end up on this stupid planet?
I'd honestly rather be some alien drifting around on a random rock a few galaxies away. Somewhere far from humans, somewhere quiet, somewhere empty.
Actually, scratch that.
If I could choose, I'd want to live on whatever planet exists the furthest possible distance from this miserable hell we insist on calling home.
…
Sorry. I'm getting off track again.
My dad. That guy really is a total loser.
I hate him with every bone in my weak and pathetic body. Sometimes it doesn't even feel like he's my father at all. The word itself feels strange when I try to apply it to him, it's almost as if it belongs to someone else entirely. And, strangely enough, that thought honestly makes me feel a little sad.
Why did fate decide to throw me into this family? Out of every possible household in the world, I ended up in this useless, scummy mess. Why couldn't I end up in some rich family that has all the money in the world? Whatever, it's not like it matters anyway.
My father is such a coward that it actually pisses me off.
Whenever he talks about his life, he does it in this weird, detached way, as if everything that's happened to him was just some unavoidable accident. Like his failures simply fell from the sky and landed on him. Nothing is ever his responsibility. Nothing is ever his fault.
I guess, if I'm being honest, he wasn't quite as bad as he is now a couple of years back. I preferred him how he was before my mother passed when I was younger.
I don't have many memories of my mother. I honestly can't remember anything about her. She must've died when I was about three or maybe four years old.
Thinking about stuff like that makes me really damn sad. I wonder how different my life would be if she hadn't died? Then maybe I would be like the rest of the stupid people in this world.
Back then, he was a completely different human being.
Prideful, loud, and hot-headed. The kind of guy who'd shout about his opinions as if they were the absolute truth, acting like he stood on some invisible pedestal above everyone else. People like that are scumbags too, you know. They walk around believing their confidence automatically makes them superior to everyone else.
That kind of arrogance always made my blood boil. But now he's just totally pathetic. Sort of makes me hate him, if I'm being honest.
All that goddamn pride he had before is gone, replaced by this hollow cowardice. He avoids every responsibility in his life, like it's some kind of contagious disease. Even when things are obviously falling apart around him, he just sits there pretending he doesn't see it. I can tell he thinks he's a failure as a parent. Anyone with half a brain could see it written all over his face. But instead of trying to fix things, he does nothing. It really pisses me off, honestly.
Maybe I'm a big part of the reason things turned out this way. But if we're being honest, it doesn't even matter anymore. It doesn't matter how things turned out, all that matters is that this is how it is.
Anyway… that's enough about my useless father. Talking about him just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Still, I guess there's one good person in this whole goddamn family.
My little sister.
She's the only one who doesn't utterly piss me off.
If you saw her, you'd understand immediately. She's kind and gentle in a way that almost feels out of place in this household.
Just seeing her innocent face is enough to make me feel strangely lighter or something. Her voice has this squeaky softness to it, almost like she's always on the verge of laughing. Sometimes, when she smiles, it makes me want to smile too. Which is sort of weird, I guess. I wonder if it's like that for other people too.
She's only in second grade, so sometimes she'll grab onto my shirt and say, "You're the best brother in the whole wide world, Yasunari!"
It's really cute, despite the fact that she's never said that. But she's done similar things at least. I just can't fully seem to recall them. Actually, now that I think about it, I haven't seen her very much lately.
I wonder what she's been doing.
Maybe I should go talk to her later. Yeah, that might not be a bad idea. I feel like I could really use a laugh right now, and she's always pretty good for stuff like that. She's probably the only person in this house who can make me laugh without even trying.
Just as I was thinking about that..
My alarm rang. The sharp, irritating noise cut straight through my thoughts.
Dammit... I forgot.
It's Monday.
For a few seconds, I just stared at the ceiling, letting the sound echo through the room while my brain slowly caught up with reality.
I guess I have to go.
I've been skipping school a lot recently, and the year is almost over anyway. If I keep ditching classes like this, someone's eventually going to make a big deal out of it.
After all, there are only three or four weeks left until the end of the school year.
Not that it really matters, though.
I'm only a second-year student, which means after this year I'll still have to suffer through two more years of this ridiculous education system.
Geez…
Saying that out loud almost made me sound like goddamn Hisakawa. Man, I really don't want to sound like that guy.
He's always rambling about conspiracy theories, government cover-ups, secret organizations, and all of that nonsensical bullshit. Still, I cannot bring myself to hate him entirely.
The weird thing is that he genuinely believes all of it. I'm not sure whether that makes him more annoying or slightly more respectable.
With a sigh, I slowly crawled out of bed. My body still felt incredibly hefty with sleep, almost like gravity had suddenly decided to double its goddamn strength overnight.
Luckily, I didn't have to change clothes. I had fallen asleep in my school uniform due to the fact that I had been too tired to change last night.
I shuffled over to my bedroom door and pushed it open. My room sits on the first floor of the house. Right beside it are the stairs that lead down into the basement, and just to the left of those stairs is one of the two bathrooms we have.
Straight ahead lies the kitchen, which connects directly to the living room in a wide open space. If you walk a little farther left from there, you'll reach the front door.
The house was awfully quiet, like way too quiet.
I wandered into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, staring blankly at my reflection in the mirror. My hair stuck out in random directions, and my eyes looked really dull, like they hadn't fully woken up yet. Looking at myself kind of pissed me off a bit, if I'm being honest.
When I stepped back out, I glanced toward the kitchen and the living room.
No one was there.
That probably meant the alarm I'd just heard was actually my second alarm.
Honestly, I don't even know why I bothered setting that alarm. It's not like I care whether I'm late for school or whether I show up at all. All it really does is piss me off in the morning.
After finishing in the bathroom, I grabbed my schoolbag from the floor and slung it over my shoulder. Then I walked to the front door and pushed it open.
A cool morning breeze drifted in from outside.
I just sighed at the thought of the walk to school.
Man, I really don't want to go to school. I don't even know why I'm forcing myself to do this. On top of that, I'm definitely going to be late. But I guess it's better to be late than to skip entirely. At least that's what all the other useless people in this useless world keep saying. I might as well try to be like them.