"Life was always nothing but a continuous disappointment."
"Day after day, year after year, everything remained the same… only to slowly turn into something worse."
"And then emotions began to fade… like a candle extinguished by the wind."
"In the end, everything would go out… and only darkness would remain."
I lived a long life—not in years, but in the weight of disappointment I carried.
There were many moments when I just wanted to run away from everything.
In my childhood—the so-called happiest time of a person's life—everything began.
Endless chains.
At first, I lost my family. That was only the beginning.
Like other children, I lived in my relatives' house. I can't say it was a good experience—far from it.
I lived in a dark room, barely lit by a weak candle. Water leaked from the floor, insects crawled everywhere, and fear… even intimidation filled the place.
And so, that life continued for years.
Then I grew up.
I turned eighteen and graduated. That was when I recovered my parents' belongings ...the very things my relatives had been greedy for.
Their true nature revealed itself through greed and desire they could not control.
Perhaps that was the most fortunate moment of my life.
Through someone I knew, I met a lawyer.
After I explained everything, he stayed silent for a long time. Then something inside him changed ...like a small spark of humanity ...and he began advising me.
He told me my relatives would not let go easily, and that I should transfer a small portion of the assets to them… then cut ties completely.
For the first time in a long while, I felt relief. The despair inside me began to fade.
I smiled when I returned to their house.
With time, I learned more, and eventually secured everything that was mine.
Just as he advised, I transferred a small portion to them.
That moment… felt like life had finally smiled at me.
Their shock. Their anger. Maybe even regret.
But I didn't care.
I was happy.
No… I was more than happy.
I realized something clearly.
They could no longer do anything to me.
After I passed the first part of my life, the second part struck me like a completely different world.
I graduated from high school and entered university. Instead of a bright youth, my life was cold and empty.
My personality had many flaws ...hesitation, anxiety, and depression ...which kept me mostly alone.
It continued until I graduated without friends, only a few acquaintances. I barely spoke to girls at all… not that I ever had a girlfriend.
I still remember that day when I looked at myself in the mirror in my dorm room.
"What's the point of life if you can't enjoy it?"
Over time… I accepted it.
I graduated quietly with decent grades, considering the effort I put in.
I was not talented or gifted. I simply relied on exhausting effort.
I still remember how many nights I stayed awake just to secure good grades.
It was a harsh time… but life didn't stop and I kept living.
Yet one thought never changed.
Life was nothing but disappointment.
Until I found something that pulled me out of that dark world.
Novels.
They became my escape… my salvation.
I followed different lives, different people, different worlds, different endings.
Some built bonds that made me smile.
Others grew stronger and fought battles that made my heart race.
I lived inside those stories for years.
And even when I turned twenty-seven, nothing really changed.
A stable job. A house. Money.
Everything I worked for… I finally achieved it.
But still… something felt off.
That day, the sky was raining.
I received a call from the doctor who had been handling my checkups.
I had recently started feeling strange symptoms pain, dizziness… so I decided to be careful.
But it was already too late.
"Mr. Jin, please come to the hospital as soon as possible."
His voice carried something unusual… fear, hesitation… as if he wanted to say more but couldn't.
I changed my clothes and left.
Nervousness slowly began to consume me.
"Please… not something else."
That was my only thought as I walked through the rain toward the hospital.
"Mr. Jin… you have cancer."
"…Huh?"
No sadness.
No despair.
Just shock.
I couldn't process his words. I stared at him for a full ten minutes, my eyes wide.
He kept speaking, but I couldn't hear anything anymore.
"Cancer…?"
"Me…?"
"You're joking, right?"
Slowly… fear and despair spread inside me like a crushing weight, turning my thoughts into chaos.
I ignored the doctor and walked out into the rain.
"Rain…"
I laughed while crying.
Fear… anger… hatred… despair.
Everything burned inside me.
But nothing changed.
I had money. A job. Stability.
I spent everything on treatments, tests, and hospitals…
But it was useless.
Nothing worked.
In the end…
I accepted despair.
Not because I was strong or I was calm But because I had nothing left.
That was me in the present.
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror.
A young man stared back at me.
Black hair falling neatly over his shoulders. Decent features… but what stood out most were his eyes.
Deep blue.
Like the ocean at night ...But not the beautiful kind.
They looked like the bottom of the sea ...surrounded by endless darkness.
Empty.
No emotion.
Only cold emptiness.
I stared at myself for a moment.
Then tried to move the corners of my mouth.
"…Heh."
Nothing.
My face looked like an empty shell.
"Hmm…"
I looked away from the mirror, washed my face with cold water, and returned to my room.
I stopped when I reached the window and I looked outside.
Silver light. Stars surrounding it like they were trying to get its attention.
"The moon is beautiful today too…"
My voice came out rough as I spoke.
I kept staring at the moon hanging in the sky.
"I wish…"
I wanted to wish for something… but I pushed the thought away.
I didn't want false hope again.
I closed the curtains, blocking the silver light.
Then I returned to my bed and lay down.
I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before picking up my phone.
As usual… I went back to reading novels.
"My escape."
I kept scrolling, but nothing interested me.
Then I saw a title.
"World Record."
A novel marked with
"ABANDONED"
I stared at it for a few seconds.
Then opened the list.
"698 chapters."
I closed my phone again.
I had seen it before… many times.
It had once captivated me deeply… but the author disappeared two years ago.
I sighed.
The story was truly good.
No cheap romance and No meaningless harem.
A dark world and real characters… meaningful connections.
Even the protagonist…
"A bastard… villain…"
I smiled slightly at the thought.
He was a bastard… but I liked him.
Unlike those typical heroes nowadays… he felt real.
But it all ended when the story stopped.
I closed my eyes and pulled the blanket over me.
"What if my family had not died?"
"What if luck had smiled at me?"
"What if I was a brighter person?"
"What if I had friends?"
"What if I had another chance?"
"Did I not deserve at least that much?"
Tears slowly fell from my closed eyes.
Despair returned.
"I wish…"
My thoughts broke off.
The silence swallowed everything.
Darkness covered me.
And I fell asleep.