I was in my small apartment, but my eyes stayed fixed on the window that looked down at the ground floor. The courtyard seemed frozen, as if even the air had stopped with me. Not the sway of the leaves, not the song of a bird could distract my attention. My heart, on the other hand, was racing, impatient for the moment when Rafael and the landlord would pass through the gate.
They had released Rafael from the police station. There wasn't enough evidence to keep him in custody, but the investigation would continue, and he was forbidden from leaving the city until everything was resolved. I didn't really understand how it all worked; I only knew that the relief of seeing him back came with a dull fear: at any moment, things could turn against him again.
I hugged my own arms, as if I could hold the anxiety inside my chest. I needed to see with my own eyes that he was okay.
Not long after, a taxi pulled up at the gate, bathed in the soft glow of the fading afternoon. The landlord was the first to step out, shoulders slumped, exhaustion etched across his face. Rafael followed close behind. My heart jumped, and for a second I wanted to rush down, to be there, to show that I cared. But my legs froze, and I stayed behind the curtain, hidden like a frightened child.
"What if my words sound like doubt? What if he thinks I suspect him too?"
My heart screamed to run to him, while reason held me back. But before I realized it, I was already crossing the threshold of my apartment. My legs moved on their own, without asking permission. The chill of the evening wrapped around me as I descended the steps, my chest on fire, not knowing if the next step would bring me closer to him or deeper into the abyss of it all.
I knocked on the downstairs door with a trembling hand. The landlord opened almost immediately. His face was weary, his eyes sunken, yet there was still gentleness in the smile he gave me.
"He's in his room," he whispered, as if keeping a secret. "Maybe seeing you will do him good."
My face burned."I don't know… maybe he won't want to be disturbed."
The landlord's smile was brief, almost conspiratorial."Trust me. It will do him good."
I blushed even more, unsure of where to put my hands. Murmuring a soft "excuse me," I crossed the living room. The wooden floor creaked under my steps.
"Second door on the right," the landlord said quietly but firmly, as if guiding me carefully so I wouldn't get lost.
I swallowed hard and went.
The door was slightly ajar. I pushed it gently, not wanting to make a sound, and found Rafael lying on the bed. The room was half-lit, only the faint glow of daylight slipping through the blinds. He was turned toward the wall, his broad back facing me, the sheet barely covering half his body.
"Rafael…" I murmured, almost a whisper. "Are you asleep? Are you… okay?"
No answer. He stayed still, as if asleep or simply unwilling to speak. For a moment I thought of going back to the living room, of giving him space. But seeing him there, so quiet, so defenseless after everything he had gone through, kept me rooted to the floor.
Suddenly, all the cruel voices from the university vanished from my mind. What remained was only him, the Rafael I knew. The Rafael who, in the silent nights of the library, helped me find paths where before I had only seen barriers.
Without realizing it, I was already sitting on the edge of the bed. His breathing was calm, steady. My hand lifted on its own and brushed gently through his hair. My fingers slid down to his shoulder, feeling the tension in his muscles, and slipped to the middle of his arm. I stayed there, fighting against the urge to cry, to hold him tightly, to run to the kitchen and make something that might bring him comfort.
When I realized that if I stayed any longer the tears would win, I rose carefully. But at that moment, I felt the firm pressure of a hand gripping my arm. No words were spoken, but in that silent grip there was everything: a mute plea not to go.
"Rafael," I whispered.
He didn't turn. He kept facing the wall, his gaze lost somewhere I couldn't see. But his hand remained firmly holding my arm.
A shiver ran through me. I trembled, sat back on the bed, and without thinking of anything but what I felt, I simply embraced him from behind. I pressed my face to his back and stayed there, in silence. I said nothing, asked nothing. I only let him know that I was there. And that I would remain, no matter what.
The room felt suspended in time. I wanted to stay like that until I was certain Rafael was okay, until his breathing finally calmed me.
But the silence also reminded me of reality. I sighed softly and murmured:"If I stay too long, your father will think it's strange…"
I pulled back just enough to look at him, even though he didn't look back. My words came out soft, almost like a caress:"Rest, okay? You don't have to face everything alone."
I stood slowly, careful not to make noise. I could still feel the weight of his hand on my skin, even after he let go.
Before leaving, I glanced at him one last time, and one thought struck me hard: no matter how much of the world doubted Rafael, I would not stop being by his side.