'why' kept on resounding in my mind whilst I looked at her seeming intrigued at my silence her eyes wide open you'd just want to keep staring into them her smile worthy of her beauty
"So why do you come to class early" she said widening her eyes in a cute way while taking the sit infront of me and opening her lunch box.
"Why the sudden interest" I asked.
"You see I noticed that there is always a Jordan signing in first at the school check point everyday at first i thought its the class monitor but his name is Fred which leaves you" she replied seemingly proud of her findings
"Huh are you sure am Jordan" I asked
"No one else in the class looks like a jordan apart from you so yeah am dead sure" she answered a bit energetic "so why do you" she continued
"Home sucks plus its quiet on the road and in the class before you guys come" I said nonchalantly looking back towards the sky which was getting cloudy.
"Ohhh I actually thought you sleep here" she said a bit slowly "not in a bad way but I thought well I thought this and that" she trailed off fidgeting with her spoon
"What did you think" I asked tilting my head sideways to look at her
" I thought you were abnormal or something" she replied "i mean who likes school that much" she said standing up and walking back towards the front row looking back at me before sitting down.
I continued looking at the sky getting cloudy while I felt my moods getting worse and worse by the second.
The most brutal part of living with persistent sadness is how it lies about your worth it whispers don't talk about it, you'll ruin the mood. And suddenly your sitted in a room aching for love, for connection while convincing your self that you are not worth it and you are not worth them or better yet it's all fake.
When you overthink a conversation you repeat it in your mind over and over and over again finding ways to not get attached wanting not to believe not to hope cause you know it's all futile in the end it was never yours.