Raihan didn't look back at the dumpster where the Rank-A Hero Seraphina was currently tangled with a banana peel and a discarded pizza box. He just kept walking, his slippers making a rhythmic slap-slap sound on the pavement.
"System," he whispered. "Can I trade my XP for a private island with no internet?"
[Ding! Answer: No. But you can trade 1,000,000 gold coins for a 'Do Not Disturb' barrier. Current Balance: 100 Gold.]
"Useless," Raihan sighed.
He reached his apartment building, hoping to sneak in. But life was never that simple for the world's laziest hero. Standing at his doorstep was a man in a crisp white suit, holding a silver briefcase. He looked important, expensive, and—worst of all—like he had a lot of things to say.
"Mr. Raihan Ahmed," the man said, bowing deeply. "I am Director Marcus from the Hero Management Bureau. We've seen the footage of your... uh... unique combat style."
"I was just falling," Raihan said blankly. "It's a very common physical phenomenon. Gravity, you know?"
Marcus smiled, a bit too widely. "Falling or not, you just incapacitated the city's top protector. By law, any unregistered individual with that much power must be officially ranked. If you refuse, we will have to place you under 24-hour surveillance."
Raihan froze. 24-hour surveillance? That meant people watching him sleep. People watching him eat. People potentially asking him to move so they could clean the floor.
"What if I join?" Raihan asked cautiously.
"You get a monthly stipend, a high-security apartment with a soundproof bedroom, and you only have to answer 'S-Rank' emergency calls," Marcus explained.
Raihan's eyes lit up at 'soundproof bedroom'. "And for the small emergencies?"
"We send the Rank-C and Rank-B heroes. You just sit at home and wait for a world-ending threat."
Sit at home and wait? This was Raihan's dream job. He didn't realize that in this world, 'world-ending threats' happened every other Tuesday.
"Fine," Raihan said, reaching for the contract. "Where do I sign?"
[Ding! Warning! A 'Forced Contract' has been detected. The System suggests you read the fine print...]
"Too much reading," Raihan muttered, signing the paper with a messy scribble.
[Ding! Congratulations! You are now an Official S-Rank Hero.]
[Title Upgraded: The Pajama Sovereign.]
[New Item Received: The Nap-time Cape (Increases defense by 50% while eyes are closed).]
Suddenly, Marcus's phone buzzed. His face went pale. "Mr. Raihan... we have a problem. A Class-A Dimensional Crack has just opened in the city center. The other S-Rank heroes are away. Since you just signed... you are the only one available."
Raihan stared at him. He had signed the contract exactly ten seconds ago.
"I'm on my lunch break," Raihan said, trying to close his door.
"The crack is literally right above your favorite bakery!" Marcus shouted.
Raihan stopped. Not the bakery. They had the only croissants that made life worth living.
He looked at his comfortable bed, then at the sky where a giant purple hole was tearing open. With a heavy, soul-crushing sigh, Raihan turned around.
"Fine. But I'm doing this in my pajamas. And someone better pay for my croissant."
[Ding! Quest Started: The Cranky Hero's First Job!]